Cousins want to live and reflect their identities through me

[Albert_247]

1) They impose their politics and secular beliefs onto me and they don't respect that I disagree,                  they try to tell me to support and encourage the LGBTQ when I don't have to, I don't have to be              their individuality & beliefs

2) Their only interested in themselves and their own opinions on music or anything in general

3) They make you feel stupid but they themselves wouldn't want to be made to feel that way,                  They always want to feel smarter then myself, my mother and my brother 

4) They question your decisions and they think you need their approval for what you can do, live like or watch, but they only come in our lives once a decade or less and feel that they can critique us

5) Their very material & superficial, they think life comes easy because their father has given them a fantastic life and pays for all their needs

[Albert_247]

I only see them very rarely and it's only like once a decade or even less thankfully, but they try to make you feel you lack good creativity because you don't share their personal taste on music and fashion, they try to conform you into their politics and beliefs, they mock your religion and loath it. They are gate keepers with always being the better intelligence, Hypocritically if they don't know something you have to inform them, but if it's ourselves we have to Google everything and be made to feel or told were rather stupid. One of them is the ring leader and conforms his identity with his sister & mother. His genuinely 30 and achieved nothing besides a regretted diploma, his a pretentious materialistic snob, He holds grudges and gets pissy/moody and hates the world, They think it's a one way with them making the rules to not want to know us, but their snowflakes and couldn't handle the thought of it being a mutual preference. They try to deny any belief you have that are conspiracy and out of the mainstream thinking, They ignore your texts messages but are over motivated to talk about themselves, They give off this modern atmosphere that feels negative, bias & cold.

[Croix]

Dear Albert_247~

Your cousins sound most unpleasant people, very opinionated and lacking the courtesy of respecting other's views.

I've found it's not much good giving reasoned arguments backed by facts to change their opinions or the way they regard others. This does not leave much room for getting on amicably.

Is there any particular reason you have to associate with them - even if it is infrequently?  When I've been in similar situations I've just avoided those sorts of  people entirely.

So what do you think?

Croix

Croix

[Albert_247]

Well I haven't seen them since I was 21 and now I'm 28, but considering my grandma is 99 and if anything happens eventually I might have to see them at a funeral, my cousins mother normally texts my mother everyday but my mum is smarter then me and doesn't give her genuine feelings to her sister because then        she could be treated as stupid, crazy or resented, and who knows how long she would ignore my mum.              Once my mum was at her sisters house and she told my mum I have to go out and do some quick errands or such and she virtually left her sitting by herself for 2 hours in the kitchen, meanwhile the daughter which is one my cousins never offered my mother any hospitality or drink or included her, She felt un welcomed, The ring leader which is the brother of that cousin has asked me personal questions wither I get along with my family, trying to make it normalized if were to be dysfunctional, when it isn't that way. If you say anything to him negatively he just holds grudges and makes you out to be a monster. His common saying is it's basic thermal dynamics and he try's to have this supreme philosophy and opinion with anything. Their rude because they ignore your texts but make you seem are you ok if you don't instantly respond to their own messages 

[Croix]

Dear Albert_247~

Wow, 99! Is your grandma someone you are close to? I hope you get the chance ot be with her from time ot time.

Your mum sounds as if she has one way of dealing wiht her sister, and I guess it works, though it is a real pity they cannot come ot an affectionate and considerate relationship with her. thay must cause her distress.

The fact you have managed ot avoid your cousins for seven years sounds very sensible, and if you  do meet at a funeral it is only for a fleeting time then afterwards you hopefully you can ignore them again.

Croix

[Albert_247]

I have nothing against my Grandma despite she made a unfair choice by giving everything to one of her son's and forgetting about her other kids and her grand children, but other then that she's a very loving person, I have the option to see her, I've been before but it's just not the best experience she has dementia and she thinks I'm still going to high school when I graduated in 2013.

[Croix]

Dear Albert_247~

That is a very generous attitude to forgive that unfair allocation.  I'm not surprised it is a hard thing to visit her as loving or not dementia is such a sad thing. It sounds as if it has reached the stage where one cannot realy be in touch as she is in another world.

I don't know, maybe your presence, even if wrongly perceived, may give her some comfort, however I guess  you do have to balance that possibility against the certain upset it will do to you.

To see someone whom you have regarded with love fall into such a condition is most upsetting, the  person you knew having disappeared.

Croix

[therising]

Hi Albert

I read an interesting article yesterday which was quite a perception shifter. It was along the lines of 'Be curious, not judgemental'. Must admit I've been developing the habit of wondering more about people these days, being curious. I found this is something that helps serve mental wellbeing.

One of my trigger phrases uttered by people is 'That's a load of rubbish', when they're poo pooing something I've said. I can feel rage shoot right up through me. I let my rage bypass my mouth (usually) and go up to my mind. In my mind I begin to wonder what leads them to proclaim it's a load of rubbish and often what comes to mind is 'They're closed minded. Their mind is firmly closed around their own opinions/beliefs'. Questions typically follow. Do I want to open their mind? Is what I've said simply a passing comment that's not worth going into? Is expanding on it worth the time? Is my 'rubbish' going to lead them to a constructive sense of wonder that may serve them in some way? Do I need to rephrase what I've said, so they can better relate to it? 

If we're sensitive enough we'll be able to sense or feel what's questionable. It's like if you can feel what being left alone for 2 hours feels like, you'd question why someone would do that to another person. If you can feel what a shut down feels like, you can't help but question why someone would enjoy brutally shutting a person down and so on. Pays to wonder sometimes.

I've found when it comes to people making fun of me, I've come to make some fun for myself. It used to really bring me down when people would make fun of my beliefs, when they'd find my beliefs and what I love laughable. These days I tend to mess with such people, have a bit of fun. Keep in mind, I'm regarded as a bit of a 'woo woo' kind of gal. While I have a member of my family that makes fun of a lot of my spiritual beliefs, I can recall one time stopping them mid sentence when they were being insulting and saying 'Hang on a sec, something's coming through. I'm being told you're a degrading person with a closed mind and I'm to stop listening to you'😅. While saying this with a straight face, I laughed at their overreaction as they took me seriously. Of course, you don't need to be psychic to know when someone's being degrading, closed minded and they're not worth listening to. With that person also being inclined to make fun of my sensitivity, I added 'Just think, if you were as sensitive as me you would have sensed I was having a lend of you'. Learning to make some fun can be a great self esteem booster.

[Albert_247]

I understand that too therising too, I've tried making fun of myself at times and it only makes the bullies believe in themselves more, I am avoidant of anyone who want take me for my differences, That's become a red flag obvious to me, I won't talk about anything like politics but I mean more if they laugh at the video games I play or for my music or appearance I'm not having that anymore. As I'm reaching my 30's getting sick of adolescent immaturity and when thinking of the 1950's people usually left that stuff when they left high school, feels like it's a value with Gen Z. Yeah I say that people are very much hindering other people from being confident, honest and authentic, they take disagreement personally and to offense, I truthfully believe the world has become more degenerate and superficial since leaving the 2000's era, I'd say it started getting worse in the 2012 period in a lot of different ways. 

[Albert_247]

I mean we had no hostility towards my grandma it's just we saw her growing up a lot and she was always loving, but it's disappointing that she gave everything to her son and forget about her daughters ideals and grand children's inheritance. We can't have a conversation anymore she talks to me in Spanish but I only speak English and she also thinks I'm still going to high school, She's lost since the last decade unfortunately.