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Confused - Wife mentioned she loves me more like her best friend then lover and husband.

Community Member

After 8 years, she mentioned to me over the weekend she has been feeling like this for the past few weeks.

She tells me she still loves me, she still wants to be with me for the rest of her life, just doesnt feel intimate anymore. For us, this is our 2nd marriage for both of us. She mentioned she cannot see herself without me and that I am her soulmate.

Feeling lost, confused and hurt and don't know how to take all this in. Feeling depressed.

Any advise please?

4 Replies 4

Dear Marc66,

Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members.

We are sorry to hear that you are feeling lost and confused in your relationship. Are you able focus on the positives in your life at the moment, keep communicating and remember to look after youself first.

Warm regards

Sophie M

Community Member
What an amazing woman to be open and honest with you. Yes it hurts but her honesty allows you both the chance to work on it. Maybe try spicing things up a bit, we forget after years of being together to flirt, send silly messages, hold hands, try new things.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Marc66,

I know how hard that must have been to hear. But I’m inclined to agree with the others that this isn’t entirely a negative - she still loves you, she sees you as her soulmate, but her attraction has dissipated recently. I think that’s a fairly common thing to experience after 8 years together, it’s hard to keep the spark alive. But just because it’s temporarily gone doesn’t mean it has to stay that way forever. All it means is that you need to try and reignite it. That means making time for dating so that you don’t just settle into the mundaneness of bills and work and life. Wine and dine her, if she likes activities, do those. Try and inject some spontaneity into your life. Activities that are fear-inducing and cause her to depend on you have been shown to bond partners and release the hormone oxytocin, which is released after birth to allow mothers to bond with their babies. Show her the reasons why she fell in love with you and I guarantee you your relationship will benefit from it.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Marc, what she has said may be very disappointing to you, but as people age they are more inclined to show their love to their spouse, rather than being intimate as was done back in your early days.

At some point in time couples who have been married for 50 odd years, I suppose the same happens to them, at some point of time you come to a cross road where this could just automatically occur.

Having a person love you into your twightlight years can be very rewarding, but know what you are saying.