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My Age Gap Relationship

Community Member

Hello everyone, it’s PsychedelicFur here.

Now, a little over six months or so ago I met the most amazing man. We both thoroughly enjoy record collecting, watching old British sitcoms, listening to all types of music. And better yet we are both on the autism spectrum. So we understand each other’s struggles.

We have been together for a little while now and he is just so gentle, thoughtful, kind and sincere.

The only issue is there is quite a substantial age gap between us (14 years) - he is older than me. And his family don’t seem to be that accepting of us being together. More specifically, his sister picks on him for being with me.

It’s a legal relationship. I am well beyond the age of consent. It’s a loving, loyal and supportive relationship.

Most people are extremely supportive and accepting of us being together, especially my Father and my Aunty. They just want to see me be treated properly by someone and they can both see that I’m extremely happy with my partner.

We have had strangers in the past bully and laugh at us for being together.
And it really hurts.

Why can’t people just be accepting and see that we are both very happy and safe together?

He is so gentle and warm. He is always so considerate of my needs. And he understands how difficult it can be to fit in because he is on the autism spectrum as well.

I just wish people would be more accepting.

I am so thankful to have him in my life. He is a genuine and gentle soul whom I love tremendously. He has a lot of love to give animals, family/friends.

He treats me properly and he listens to what I say. He is also very reassuring about my overthinking and always tries to help comfort me when I feel anxious or depressed.

I just wish other people (strangers) would not say horrible things about us being together.
The feeling is very mutual between us. I am legally allowed to date this person.

My partner’s friends are very accepting of us being together too. Which is really wonderful, comforting and reassuring.

It just hurts me, deeply that people can be so cruel. More specifically, people that don’t even know us and our circumstances!

I’m an ‘Old Soul’ and I knew I was always going to date someone much older than me because I have never fitted in with people my own age.

Why can’t people just see that this relationship isn’t perverted? It isn’t creepy and it’s a genuinely supportive and loving relationship between two people who deeply care about one another.



2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor


I'm so happy for you that you've found someone who offers such a soulmate feel to the relationship. There is nothing quite like that feeling. When someone just gets you it's like they become your everything - your confidant, your guide, your energiser, your inspiration etc. They are love personified.

Ignorant people like to ignore. They can ignore the need to open their mind a little more, the need to recognise what brings us a healthy sense of joy, the need to better understand or relate, the need to let go of cruel degrading judgement, the need to feel more for us etc. I've found they're the type of people who are best to practice emotional detachment on. They can become a handy resource for such a practice.

I've found the best way to become emotionally detached is by channeling the pure analyst in me. Once the pure analyst in me comes to life, my ability to feel takes a back seat.

It's the nature of the analyst to wonder and to calculate, to reach a logical conclusion. For example, someone could say 'Don't you find the age difference kind of sickening?'. You can either feel that comment and what it can do to your soul or you can analyse that comment. Analyse, wonder and question out loud, if you wish, 'I wonder what would lead you to have no filter and actually come out and say that. I wonder what makes it so sickening when I actually feel so well, for the first time ever in fact. Do you know why you can't control what you say, why you can't keep your thoughts to yourself? Do you know why you think the way you do about this situation? Do you think you could have been influenced by certain people who closed your mind in some way, to what you see? Do you think that's a problem? I can feel your belief system and personally I don't like what I feel. I sense some arrogance, especially regarding you giving yourself the freedom to say whatever you want, no matter how hurtful'. The analyst in you may conclude this person lacks a degree of consciousness that you should not take personally, for it's their lack of consciousness. They possess it, you're simply observing it. You can keep all your wondering and questioning to yourself or you can project it out toward the person you're analysing. Your choice.

In bringing the feeler back to life, simply focus on those around you who trigger you to feel your joyful self. When the need arises, perhaps you could say (silently, in your mind) 'I now channel the analyst in me' and see how it answers the call 🙂

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear PF...

I am so happy for you both, sounds like a beautiful loving and caring relationship...Honestly age doesn’t matter at all...A work colleague of mine many many years ago married a man 16 years younger then herself and are still married with a family...There was a lot of cruel words and I suppose you could call it bullying towards them both in their earlier courtship....They both followed their heart and are still living a happy life...

Follow your heart and soul PF...You deserve a beautiful, caring and loving partner and you have that with your partner now....

Please try hard to not let other people tell you otherwise...These people don’t know that love has no boundaries..that true love is unconditional...maybe they have never had that in a relationship, can see it in yours and are jealous enough to try to destroy what you have found.....

Stay true to yourself dear PF....you love this person...that’s all that counts...it’s about you dear sweet lady...not them....enjoy yourself with you’re very special partner...

Kind thoughts, with a hug 🤗.