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CHASING SUNSHINE

Man with no name
Community Member
Forgive my lack of complete sentences, I really just cbf’d atm.
Married 12 years.
I haven’t had anyone that I feel i can open up to for probably 10 years so I keep everything to myself. At the moment I’m questioning my marriage because I’m just not happy where I am.


My work is good and the kids at times can be challenging.


She works 2 out of 4 weekends.
I enjoy the weekend with only the kids (7 & 10) but it means we’re busy on the other two when she’s home.
Low intimacy.
No sexual attraction anymore.
Few common interests.
No common future plans.
She’s the boss at home and work.
She Makes the big decisions.
Ive stopped telling things because I’m sick of being belittled.
I’m only staying for the kids?
We’ve both stopped doing little the things, for instance if we both watch tv and have a drink or snack at the end of the night she’ll get up and take her dishes out but leave mine or not putting each other’s washing away like we used to.
Where’s the fun gone?
Feel like house mates not married.
1 Reply 1

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi man with no name,

That sounds awful and I’m sorry you are going through it. It’s so sad when couples get to this point and can’t reach each other, because I’m sure that no one wants to live this way, even your partner. I suppose you have two options, end the relationship or try and make it work. Even if you decide that you want to end the relationship, I would suggest giving it one last try, even for your own sake so that you can walk away knowing that you tried. I would just start being the change that you want. When you take your plate out, pick hers up and take it out too. If you make yourself a tea, pour another cup. All of these things take very little energy expenditure on your part but they send a signal. Decision-making can obviously be a harder thing to change as it’s a power/dominance thing and some people find that hard to relinquish, but that may require an involved conversation.

The way I see it is that almost all people have problems, particularly after 10 or so years. But it’s how you navigate those issues that determine whether you are successful or not. Even if this doesn’t work out, it’s still good practice for navigating difficult topics.