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Broken friendship and confusing behaviour

fox_in_the_meadow
Community Member
Hello all, I'm new here and this is my first post and was seeking advice.

I've had a 4 year friendship with this guy and we would talk almost everyday, plus we would play games together over mic (just gaming buddies).
I am going to be visiting his Country in a few months with my boyfriend and we had planned to hang out together (the 3 of us and perhaps others since we are a small group of gamers).
When he talked to me about my trip he asked me for a sexual favour during my visit and I couldn't answer at that moment/didn't even know what to say, but the next time we talked I asked him about his question and he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about.
His brother joined our chat not long after and let it slip that he has a new girlfriend. He had failed to mention this new girl to me and I didn't even know he was with someone... He went really silent in the chat and in fact, he isn't really talking to me much at all anymore (once a week - once a fortnight) and this has been since I asked him about the sexual favour, not since he's been with his girlfriend. Assumptions usually make me uncomfortable but to be honest I have assumed he didn't want me to know about her at all.
He invited me to talk a week later (to my surprise) and he was saying things like "you're my favourite girl", "I really wanna play [this] game together", and now I'm just feeling really confused and stressed about why he is acting weird towards me.
He had told all of his other friends about his amazing new girlfriend, he's showed them photos and videos of them together, but didn't mention it to me at all nor have I seen or heard anything. We were never in a romantic relationship or anything like that, so I don't understand why I'm suddenly being excluded from everything.
We've been gaming buddies for the past 4 years, but now I feel like I'm being treated like I'm a jealous ex girlfriend or something like that. If I ask about it or even say anything at all I would simply be accused of being crazy, spiteful and out to ruin their relationship.
His friends who had joined our most recent chat were congratulating him on his "win" with this girl he's "scored" with and I just feel like an awkward memory.
My anxiety is through the roof, I don't even want to play my games anymore but deep down I want to hear from my friend eventhough he probably doesn't care about me anymore.

Any advice/knowledge is appreciated, please help.

- Fox

2 Replies 2

PamelaR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Fox and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Gaming is fun isn't it, as is making friends over the internet. A 4 year friendship is a long time. What I've found over my years is - people come and go in your life. Some stay longer than others, some move on. It's not always easy to understand what happens. Things change, such as your friend getting a girl friend. It sounds like he is totally taken up with her. Maybe he thought at one time you and he could have become an item. But once he realised this wasn't going to happen he moved on. In the moving on, it is sometimes easier to let people go - that is, to reduce contact. But this is all my reading of what you've written and may not be right at all.

Your situation would definitely increase anxiety - your self esteem and self worth have probably taken a dive because you think he doesn't care for you anymore. Perhaps think of it as he has changed. We do. Nothing stays the same forever no matter how much we'd love it to.

Do you want some more under about anxiety and how to manage it? If you do, have a look under the Anxiety forum for the thread - Tips for Managing Anxiety. Also have a browse through this section. You may find some others who experience similar situations to yourself.

Hope this helps in some way Fox. Keep reaching out if and when you want to, you're not alone.

Kind regards

PamelaR

romantic_thi3f
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Fox in the meadow,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here! I'm really glad that you reached out.

Oh man that sounds so confusing. It sounds like you've had this pretty steady friendship for four years and now all of a sudden it's just become super weird?! I'm sorry that you're going through this and I think I would be super confused too.

Even though I'm only seeing one side of the story (yours) to me it sounds like there's something either he's not telling you or he's not being completely open about. Given that you've been friends for so long, I don't see why he'd need to hide being in a relationship. Sounds like he's giving you a lot of mixed messages.

Advice wise, I'm not entirely sure what to say. I think that if I were in your position I'd try to ask. Even though it seems to make him uncomfortable, you deserve to know what's going on and where you both stand. If he sees you as 'trying to ruin the relationship', then remember that's on him too. Your intentions are just to get clarity, and I think you totally deserve that.

Hope this helps,