Breakups.

[sbella02]

Hi friends of the forums,

I love supporting people on these forums, I look forward to it every week. But today it's me who needs a little support. 

Had a breakup a few days ago and for some reason, even though we were only together for a few months, it seems to be hitting me harder than my last breakup after a two-year relationship. It's weird going from seeing each other nearly every day to just not at all. 

It was a mutual breakup, probably for the best, and we're still on relatively good terms, but it still hurts a lot. I've tried going out, seeing friends, listening to music, crying, but nothing's helping and my first instinct is to talk to my ex-partner, which I know is terrible and is also not really an option as we're both trying not to do that. We also work together, which hasn't been awkward so far but is still rough. I also can't really fully take the time to be sad because I have so much uni work to do and I can't be distracted, because they're all huge projects.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Even if anyone's going through the same thing and wants to share their experience, I'd love to hear, anything to distract myself or feel less alone. Much love.

[Bob_22]

Hi sbella02,

Similarly went through a breakup after small few month relationship last year. Just because it was relatively short it doesn't mean it hurts any less. I was confused and felt quite defeated for at least a week or two. I would recommend limiting contact with your ex as much as you can (at least until you are stronger). 

For me having distractions was helpful and I immersed myself in whatever I had going on to help move on. Everyone reacts differently though. Hope you feel better soon and that uni goes ok.

Bob

[JED1980]

Hey there

Just because the relationship was short, does not make it any less meaningful. 

You are allowed to be sad and effectively greive for the loss of this relationship.

I find distracting myself with uni (i too am struggling with a huge workload) works for me.

When my focus wanes, i go for a coffee, or a walk, let myself breathe, feel the emotions, then go back to what i was doing. 

Much love and hugs to you

Jx

[sbella02]

Bob_22,

Thank you for your response, I appreciate it. I've been trying to distract myself as much as possible, and it seems to be helping. I've definitely stopped crying as much.

Jx,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it means a lot. I have also been distracting myself with uni, I have one final assignment that's due tomorrow that I've been working on. I've also been allowing myself to feel my emotions as they come up, which is why I was crying a lot in the beginning. Thank you for your advice.

SB

[Bob_22]

Hi sbella02,

No worries at all. Glad you're feeling a little better. It's inspiring that you've reached out. Thank you.

Bob

[smallwolf]

Hi sbella02, 

just wanted to say hello and wish you good luck with your assignment. 

Sorry I do not have any advice for you. But I am following your story.

[Earth Girl]

Hi Sbella02,

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. I've never been in a relationship before so I can't imagine how hard it must be to break up with someone you really like even if it is for the best. My sister had to break up with her ex because they were too alike in some ways and it made it hard for them to grow as people. She would sometimes go to visit him which would always turn into a make-out type of thing in the end so try your best to avoid seeing your ex even if you are really hurting because I think it could easily turn into something like this even if you just plan on talking to him or seeing him as friends.

I think the only thing that can really heal this is time. You will one day find someone you love just as much who is a better match for you. I'm glad you ended on good terms. He still cares for you and wants you to be happy as you do for him.

Some things you can do to distract yourself:

* Going for a long walk with a friend and looking at nature.

* Writing how you feel in a diary - since this is private you can make it as personal as you like.

* Expressing your feelings about this break up to a friend if you feel comfortable.

[sbella02]

Thank you Smallwolf, your support means a lot.

Earth Girl, I really appreciate your reply. I have to see him a bit because I work with him, but other than that I do agree with you, it can turn complicated quickly. Love your advice, and I've been doing a lot of journalling recently.

Thank you all x

[JayB72]

I see it’s been 3 weeks now I hope you are slowly moving forward. I’m in the same situation where I still have to work with my recently separated wife (she left me) and it’s incredibly hard. 
Hope you’re doing well 

[smallwolf]

Hope you are going OK sbella02...