Hi, welcome
I know where you are coming from and once I would feel that way also. So what happened to change my mind?.
Many years ago in hot weather, a lady with 3 kids got a flat tyre. I stopped to change it. Once changed, I'm sweating and dirty, she drove off not saying "thankyou". I was outraged and it hurt for quite some time, me thinking she was rude and ungrateful.
Some time passed and on the radio the announcer asked if listeners ever felt taken for granted. So I rang in. I told my story and at the end of it he said "so Tony, did you change that tyre to get a thankyou? to feel appreciated? or did you change that tyre to help someone out?" He went on to say "did it occur to you that she was also very hot and had kids crying (they were) and simply forgot to say thankyou"? It shocked me so I had to go away and think strongly about my expectations. Those expectations would be my goal- to eliminate them and in future to look at all possibilities.
In your case it is similar. We humans by our nature think of ourselves first. Then some of us think about others at various levels of consideration. The best approach to this in an ideal world would be- well I dont expect their attention so any attention I get will be gratefully received. It is a good goal to have but hard to perfect.
I'm not religious at all but the saying goes "forgive them for they not know what they do". It's so correct because they are imperfect individuals that will say things and not think of the consequences other have when they say it.
There is one bit of advice I also have- ask questions. eg if one person says on social media comments that you find are not considerate to you, send them a nice message with a question. The question at the end might read "so you mentioned on FB that you miss her and she passed 2 years ago, how long do you think the grief will last"? It's an open question that isnt offensive, it is designed to open the topic up. The purpose is to subtly let them know that you are also grieving and they have the opportunity to reach out.
If they dont reach out then they are not really friends, comforting relatives and you can drift away knowing you tried. Then I'd hit the "unfollow" button FB has so you dont see their posts but leave them as "friends" which wont cause upset. Seek out people that love you and care for you and that isnt always relatives.
TonyWK
