boyfriend doesn't express emotions

[lr0054]

My boyfriend and I are living together. Have done so for almost 4 years. He is a doctor. I've always looked up to him. However, he is quite reserved and feels that he cannot share his difficulties with anyone, particularly with expressing his emotions and be honest. He states he is fearful of what other people think of him i.e. like he is boring. He recogniseses this is something he has struggled with for a long time and wants to change. I honsetly think this is a load of rubbish and he is interesting and fun despite telling him that he struggles to beleive this. 

The problem for me is that I am still living with him and feel like with this attitude, he doesn't add much value to my life- doesn't make me exicted etc. We are very different because I am very outgoing and feel confident in who I am and love to share my experiences. I have stayed with him because I thought he would change and become more open.

I feel mixed feelings about continuing the relationship as I feel like he is getting more from the relationship than I am. I feel like he doesn't really have a bubbly, fun and enjoyable personality that I have and want with someone. I am on the lease with him and not sure how I can break up as I have thought about this a lot over the years. Any support would be appreciated. 

[Richju]

Dear Ir0054,

I understand your feelings entirely because I was in a similar relationship with someone also of an acedemic nature. He rarely wanted to speak at all and, like you, I am an extrovert.

Amazingly, I realised after we split up, that he actually had strong feelings for me but, like your partner, was unsble to express them. Since we have split we've actually become good friends.

Have you broached the subject of separating with your partner at all? It may be a good idea to discuss this before the lease is due for renewal so that you can sort out your accommodation.

I understand that breaking up is difficult but it's unlikely that your partner will change and you don't seem to be happy in this relationship.

Perhaps a relationship counsellor may be able to help - both partners do not have to attend.

I hope this is of some help and wish you all the best whatever decision you make.

Warm regards,

Richju

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

A lease can be taken over by him or you, just need to create a new agreement with the real estate agent.

I can see the reasons you are seriously thinking about separating. However, did you think about his lack of him being bubbly before you lived with him? You mentioned its his "attitude" but in my experience it is not attitude but personality and therefore inground and not very changeable. Even so, you stayed with him hoping he'd "change" and that isnt the way to go. People get hurt by this process of hope and change. But I'm confused because earlier in your post you mentioned that he is "interesting and fun". 

He stated to you that he has a fear of what other people think. That is a common trait and is a serious one in terms of his inability to overcome that fear. He is a doctor, that doesnt mean he hasnt got his struggles. 

Google this video on that topic-

"Jordan Peterson the simply way to stop caring what other people think of you"

That would help him plus many other videos of Jordans about 500 of them.

So, forgive me if I'm wrong but it does seem you have fallen out of love for him and you are looking at what he doesnt have to make you happy. Certainly if your love is sound then you'd believe him about his fears and help him with them. 

So, sorry I cant help further. 

TonyWK