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Boyfriend broke up with me due to mental health (gay couple)

Community Member

I met my boyfriend last September. I have never had a stronger connection with someone.


I cannot believe how drastically the relationship changed within the space of a week.


He lost his job and after about 6 weeks of unemployment he stopped being kind, responding to my messages and lost interest in me.


Naturally I assumed he was getting over me, but he told me he wasn't and that he was just so sad about not having a job.


This was helpful because I realised it wasn't about me. It meant I could focus on him better. All I asked was that he could respond to my messages no matter how depressed he was feeling.


I was trying so hard to support him: preparing him meals for the week, doing his groceries and just trying to make him laugh. But he found me overbearing. I was feeling so unappreciated despite how hard I was trying.


This made me overextend more, which I think was making him feel worse.


He didn't improve his communication with me and my anxiety was getting so bad. There is no other way to put it: he was treating me like shit. 


I was desperate for things to get back to the way they were so I decided that would go on a break with him to give him space to focus on himself. However, I couldn't work out how to do it without making him more sad. 


He was finally realising (after 2.5 months of this depressive episode) how sad i was becoming in the relationship. He suggested that we break up so that he could focus on himself. The next day I was sad, but I wasn't anxious anymore so I felt like it was a positive step.


The gist of the break up was that we would revisit the relationship in a month to see if he is in a better headspace. I told him that i would find it really hard if i saw him on a dating app, he responded saying "I don't even feel like having sex with my own boyfriend, I'm not about to start dating".


A couple of days later, I must have been feeling particularly self destructive because I decided to download grindr to see if i could find my boyfriend, which I did... I was crushed. 


I messaged him because I wanted to clarify whether he actually had any intention of getting back together with me but he never responded. I am so hurt that he can't even do this.


Maybe I am naive, but I still believe he wants to get back together when he is better. I know it's his depression but he has been so cruel. I don't even know if I COULD date him anymore after this, as much as I want to restore what we had.

1 Reply 1

Community Member

While you were well meaning, when people are depressed they often have difficulty responding to loved ones in a way they. I think that might be the problem here. It sounds like you wanted to 'fix' him and he was having trouble being the person you wanted. Depression can have a long recovery. He may of been feeling like he couldn't be there for you emotionally in the way you need.