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BF is going through depression and has completely cut me out.

Community Member

First time poster, long time reader.

I have been with my bf for 7 months, we met and fell hard and fast and things were amazing for 6 months.

He had mentioned his past battles with depression, and I have seen his anxiety attacks happen through out our relationship, but i was always able to help him and he wanted me around at those times.

This is different now. It's been about 4 weeks of our relationship not being okay, and now that I look back, I feel so horrible for taking it so personally and being so selfish thinking that he was pulling away on purpose and didn't care about me anymore and I forced us to have conversations that may have resulted in what is happening now.

He has now said he needs space and that he doesn't want me contacting him. I'm worried. He said he hasn't left his house all week and doesn't want to talk to anybody. So I've been trying to just get 1 response a day from him so I know he's okay. But I'm struggling with keeping my cool and finding the balance between being there for him and giving him space.

Will he come back to me if I stop messaging or calling ? We haven't had one conversation since.

5 Replies 5

Community Member

I hear you! It is a scary time as your relationship with him is very important, and if you don’t know what’s going on, it makes it even harder for you. Don’t punish yourself too much when it comes the conversations that you were having with him. I did the same. I found it was because I wanted answers and was so confused by the situation, his actions, his words. It isn’t normal behaviour. I was googling stuff and that made me even more confused.

Whether he will come back to you if you do that is hard to say. Mine asked me if it was ok to take a step back. I didn’t feel like I had a choice as I know he was in a bad way, so I agreed. I would suggest that, if he is asking for space, give it to him. I have slowly gone from daily message/call to every 3-4 days to just weekly now. He knows where I am if he needs me.

Where your relationship will go is anybodies guess. Look after yourself. It sounds like his depression has hit him harder than any other time.

Doesn't sound to good and I know what you would be going through. Do you know why he is depressed?

Thank you for taking the time to reply, Damien2812.

He hasn't told me exactly, but my best guess would be having to take 3 weeks off work. He also suffers with anxiety, so if he has too much time to think, his mind goes to overdrive.

He has mentioned to me before that the last time he had gone through depression, it was also when he was off work. I think because of it happening in the past, he knew it was going to be hard and that may have pushed him further into depression this time.

After my attempts at just messaging him nice, supportive things and asking if he wants some company, he replied this morning telling me to give him space or hell block my number. He's never been 'mean' to me like this before, so I'm really struggling with dealing with that.

I'm going to make no contact this week, and check in next weekend. I know it's selfish, but I can't do this myself mentally for much longer, or with no hope to hold on to.

Ah, it's a small relief knowing that other people are going through the same thing, unfortunate, but it is a small relief.

Sounds like work is the main reason he has falling into depression again. I think it would be best he goes and visits the phycologist for help.