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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Rubysoho How to deal with coming from a broken home
  • replies: 2

Since i can remember I never had a normal relationship with either one of my parents. My mother was an abusive alcoholic and my dad never wanted anything to do with me.I left home when i was 14 and have never had anything to do with either of them si... View more

Since i can remember I never had a normal relationship with either one of my parents. My mother was an abusive alcoholic and my dad never wanted anything to do with me.I left home when i was 14 and have never had anything to do with either of them since. I think ive always struggled with depression even now in to my early 20's but ive never done anything about it, The thought of trying to seek help and talk to someone just scares me because i have no idea how to even open up to someone and I don't understand how someone repeating a bunch of words from a text book is suppose to fix me. The older I get I'm starting to see how my bad childhood is starting to affect relationships in to my 20's, my incapability to stay motivated in life, I struggle to like myself and be able to open up to people. Is there anyone out there who has come from a similar background and can give me any advice? I want to be happy in life so badly but i feel like I cant win to make peace with myself.

Without_love Wife wants to leave me.
  • replies: 8

I am lost, depressed and gutted, have no one to talk to and do not know where to turn or what to do. Please help. 8 years ago, my wife, after 14 years of happy marriage, shut me out of her life, physically, emotionally, intimately and affectionately,... View more

I am lost, depressed and gutted, have no one to talk to and do not know where to turn or what to do. Please help. 8 years ago, my wife, after 14 years of happy marriage, shut me out of her life, physically, emotionally, intimately and affectionately, saying she still loved me but needed a break. She had her own physical and mental health problems and on counselling and anti depressants for anxiety related to her childhood. It broke my heart to see her struggle and lose her intimacy, but I have tried to accept her wishes and this loveless fate to respect her and give her the space that she sought. She has coped with 'life on her own' by shutting down emotionally with the help of her anti- depressants, but I havesuffered gut wrenching years and night after sleepless night alongside her, needing to be close but receiving nothing but silence and rejection so she could sleep. We got along ok but distantly during the days to complete our daily roles at work and our children were our strength and our distraction. I suffered in silence over our lost love leading to resentment, depression and suicidal thoughts, and when I did try to talk to her about my pain, her issues or to try to win her back over, it ended in tears, fits and tempers flaring, with an even greater level of sadness and depression. We managed to survive until now and complete raising our 2 beautiful children, but my wife rejected another one of my calls for help and to try to renew our love recently and she said it was time for her to go her own way to save me any more pain and to be in control of her own life, as she was not going to, or able to change and let me be close to her. Our family home is sold pending settlement (to downsize) and my wife has offered to take a 6 month lease together somewhere to avoid sharing our trauma at this point when we currently need to concentrate on moving our daughter to Melbourne and settling her into Uni life.I love her dearly and she says she loves me too, but not in any physical or emotional way as she is too scared of being hurt again or losing control of her life. I can't think of anything worse than separating and being alone in the world without my life partner, no friends and no reason to live, but is it worth continuing to stay together (in separate bedrooms now since last year) and continue to deny my feelings and needs of being close to her? Where do I turn? Is there any hope for us? 800x600 beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}

Kdashing Losing in love
  • replies: 3

One of my earliest memories of my childhood is making my mum promise me that she would never leave me. I have no idea why I have had such a fear of being alone and abandoned from such a young age. I know this has had such a huge impact on my relation... View more

One of my earliest memories of my childhood is making my mum promise me that she would never leave me. I have no idea why I have had such a fear of being alone and abandoned from such a young age. I know this has had such a huge impact on my relationships and it has reared it's ugly head everytime. Last year I met what I thought was the man of dreams. He showed me the type of love that is all encompassing and made me completely unafraid to love him with every part of my being. He gained my trust and made me feel like I could totally rely on him and that our future was together, that this was real and he would never leave me. Recently he decided almost overnight that this wasn't what he wanted at all and left. I can't describe the pain that I've experienced since then. I feel like having someone give you everything you have ever wanted then take it away like it never existed is so unbelievably cruel. It has triggered my sense of abandonment like crazy and I am now at a loss as to where to go from here. This wasn't the longest relationship I have ever had yet it has really thrown me, I don't want to do anything and I feel like I have to completely rebuild myself again. I'm almost 30 and have had 3 relationships prior to this one. I left the last two due to them being unfaithful and I don't remember feeling this kind of absolute grief. Maybe because I left on my own terms before. I would love some ideas as to how to move on. My starting point has been to look at myself. Clearly I have some personal issues to deal with. I would love to be much stronger then I am now and be more reliant on myself for love then to try and find it within other people. I just don't know how to begin to move forward again when I have no desire to do anything right now.

Sue1708 Not sure how to move on!
  • replies: 2

Four and a half months ago I was in a loving marriage with a man that said he would stand by me for life. Now, through my actions, he is in the arms of another woman and not even talking to me.You see, before I met him I got in to trouble with the la... View more

Four and a half months ago I was in a loving marriage with a man that said he would stand by me for life. Now, through my actions, he is in the arms of another woman and not even talking to me.You see, before I met him I got in to trouble with the law and in August, I went to court and was sent to prison for 4 months.It happened 5 days after our first wedding anniversary. He knew about what was going on but I was trying to be positive and hope that it would be fine and not end up with me in prison. Just before this happened, I owed some money to a government department, which was related to the case, and was told that if I paid it, it would help my sentence. It was for a significant amount and we didn't have that money, so I asked my husband's sister to lend it to us.Being ashamed of what was happening, and not wanting her to know what was going on, I lied about why I needed the money and said it was for our deposit for the house we were building.I said I would pay it back within the week, which was possible, but then with the lawyer fees other expenses to try and win the case, I ended up using our savings and not having the money to pay her back. One lie led to another and another and because of how ashamed I felt, I couldn't even tell me husband where all the money went, I kept saying that there was a problem with the bank. When I was sent to prison, my husband had to deal with everything, including everyday things plus what happened to the money to go back to his sister and our savings for our house. I couldn't tell him to his face, so taking the weak way out, I sent him a letter telling him everything. I spoke to him one night and the letter hadn't arrived, so I told him everything on the phone. The disappointment in his voice killed me.Not only was he trying to cope with how I betrayed him, he was also finding out that I was pretty hopeless with finances and didn't pay our bills on time, so a few were with debt collection companies. Needless to say, he was finding it hard to cope when we could only talk for 10 minutes a day.I found out when I got out, that 2 weeks after I went in to prison he had signed up to an adult dating site and was looking for company. Four weeks after I went in to prison, he started dating another woman, yet he never told me.I found out when I got home from facebook! I know it's all my fault and I kept saying sorry and if we talked maybe we could work through it,but obviously not. How do I move on? He's the love of my life.

UnhappyinTas Not Coping
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am new to this site. I have had 2 years of having a hard time with depression. It started 2 years ago with a break up & it took me 1 & a 1/2 years to feel ok. Ive had ups & downs, some months good, others bad. I thought I was getting there lead... View more

Hi, I am new to this site. I have had 2 years of having a hard time with depression. It started 2 years ago with a break up & it took me 1 & a 1/2 years to feel ok. Ive had ups & downs, some months good, others bad. I thought I was getting there leading up to Xmas this year, & I met an amazing man 3 days before Xmas. We had an amazing 3 weeks together, I spent nearly every day with him in that 3 weeks. He is going through a divorce & a nasty financial settlement & he has a high pressured job & hence really run down this time of year (hes a chef) anyway, he told me last week that he cant gethurt again & he cant bring the walls down of his heart, he needs to know if its right before he makes his mind up about "us ". Since then he has backed off & Im am just so sad, its all accumlated to me having a mini meltdown I guess. My Dr has put me on antidepressants (started yesterday) do they work? Will they help me? I feel so low & so scared. My pyschologist is amazing (seeing him today) but why when I finally thought I found happiness (first time in my life) does this happen? How long do I give this guy a chance to see if he wants a relationship with me? Its been a week? Should I just end it myself, or just give him more time? Or should I just read the writing on the wall with him being a bit distant? Or is that normal for a man to think things over & need time? I am so scared of my future, I hate my job & just cant see a way out. Im faling down the preferbial rabbit hole. And why have I fallen into such a depression from sumone ive only known 4 weeks? I cant see how life can ever be happy'? I just feel so lost & sad & cant see the light at the of the tunnel. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Helen58 I am having trouble coping lately
  • replies: 7

My name is Helen, I'm 56 years old and I'm new to all this so please understand if I'm not too clear. Several years ago I'd sat beside my mother as she'd passed away (aged 86) from bowel cancer. From the time it was diagnosed to the time she passed w... View more

My name is Helen, I'm 56 years old and I'm new to all this so please understand if I'm not too clear. Several years ago I'd sat beside my mother as she'd passed away (aged 86) from bowel cancer. From the time it was diagnosed to the time she passed was about 8 weeks, so there wasn't a lot of time to grieve. Dad had died when I was little and Mum had raised 6 of us, never marrying again, so she had very little time to spend with each of us individually but she did the best she could. What started my depression was that even before she had been placed in palliative care, the rest of the family were already fighting over the spoils, even clearing out her house while she was in a general ward at the hospital. I was never given anything from the house to remember her by which was ok as I had the privilege of being there at the end anyway. A couple of years before Mum's passing, one of my older sister's died from lung cancer, being a heavy smoker. Then Mum. Then within the next couple of years all of my pets passed on, having had them for 10 years or more. Then about 4 years ago my grandneice (15 years old) was killed in a car accident. Less than 3 weeks after this, one of my older brothers passed away from bowel cancer and within 24 hours of his passing, my last remaining older sister passed away from lung cancer (also a heavy smoker). By this time I was a wreck as the rest of the family each had a significant other to help them get through it and I was still living alone. (Still am now). The sadness was unbearable and I just gave up almost. I had owned a house that ended up being reposessed because I couldn't function enough to keep it going. Then I moved in with my last remaining older brother and his "significant other" who took a dislike to me because I took my brother's attention off her. Then for some unknown reason, my son and my daughter in law decided that taking me to the Guardianship Tribunal was the best way to "Help" me as they didn't think I was fit to look after myself. I was working and at the mediation, they were the ones made to look bad by the panel solicitor who thankfully stood up for me. They haven't spoken to me now in nearly 3 years and this week I just lost it. It's all too much! Back on the meds again after stopping in 2011. There's more but I'm stressed enough as it is. How would any of you cope with this? I could really do with a just huge shoulder to cry on at the moment so I thought this forum would be very helpful for me to vent.

Anotherone Heartbroken and struggling
  • replies: 4

My fiancé broke it off with me just before Christmas. Finding it really hard atm. I feel like someone's died.

My fiancé broke it off with me just before Christmas. Finding it really hard atm. I feel like someone's died.

Caitie Long Distance Relationship Making Me Depressed - HELP!
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm not sure where to start so I'll just start at the beginning. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, all of that long distance. We live 3-4 hours apart and see each other every second or so weekend for a couple of days... View more

Hi everyone, I'm not sure where to start so I'll just start at the beginning. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, all of that long distance. We live 3-4 hours apart and see each other every second or so weekend for a couple of days. I love him to death and want to be with him forever, but long distance has always been really hard for me and I always turn into a bubbling mess when he or I leave after the weekend. Lately I have been feeling really sick and anxious on the day he's coming up to visit and then feel worse when he leaves. I feel like I'm starting to resent him coming up because I know he just has to leave again. I was at his place for two weeks over Christmas and felt sick on the day I was driving up and on the day I was leaving. I don't understand what's happening to me cause I know I love him more than anything and I always feel happy when I'm with him but lately I've been having these awful thoughts about everything being to hard and questioning if I still want to be in the relationship which is a load of crap cause I know I want to be with him and even marry him one day! Were just stuck in this impossible situation because where he lives there isn't many jobs going and he lives with his parents and I don't want to move in with his parents! The only way it's going to stop being long distance is if we buy a farm together and I can find a job out there. I'm also very unhappy in my job and want to leave but feel like I'm stuck! I'm going to see a doctor because I think I may have depression as I'm just always so anxious and scared. I'm so worried that I'm going to lose my boyfriend because these thoughts are making me resent him always leaving but I know I love him. I'm trying so hard to think positively and remember how happy he does make me but it feels like I'm stuck in this black hole of sadness. Has anyone else been through something like this? How did it work out?

Drifter marriage failing
  • replies: 1

married in 2009, best year of my life falling apart now. our issue is trust. she doesnt trust me because shes insecure ill be w/ any female ive ever known. i try desperately to explain shes the only 1 4 me but she rejects all my assurances, apologies... View more

married in 2009, best year of my life falling apart now. our issue is trust. she doesnt trust me because shes insecure ill be w/ any female ive ever known. i try desperately to explain shes the only 1 4 me but she rejects all my assurances, apologies, attempts to massage her, etc. i feel so hurtt & unwanted. i never did anytjing & have a hard time with this rejection. she is moving on & i find it so hard because its not wht i want. i try so hard to show her i am trustworthy & have nothing to hide but she seems to be set in her way of leaving me regardless. i feel like i am a loser for not taking a hint. i feel so betrayed because i feel this is all a faux excuse out of our marriage. i feel she must be seeing other men brhind my back & feel so hurt but cannot find the strength to leave her in any case. i will try any approach. what should i do?

Bullfrog Relationship ending not coping need help
  • replies: 2

My current boyfriend and I have had a few problems, put the issues aside we have a tear relationship he has taken on my 3 kids and is amazing. We have created something solid, the kids love him they consider his family their family he always told me ... View more

My current boyfriend and I have had a few problems, put the issues aside we have a tear relationship he has taken on my 3 kids and is amazing. We have created something solid, the kids love him they consider his family their family he always told me he wouldn't leave me and i believed him. there are issues I have when we argue i escalate them and my insecurities and fears of him leaving when we fight are distressing and I done act right. i am in counselling gettin help from this but his at the point where his unsure and wants to leave me. I love him I don't want to lose him. The build up of fear and emotion and confusion is eating me alive and it's hard to function. I'm lost and broken. I want this man, I want his love now and for ever. My kida are going to be so hurt as well they love him and want and need him in their life as much as I do. I have no idea what to do, I don't have much support so it's hard. I'm scared. In hurting I just want to be loved wanted and needed