Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Ally012 Emotionally Exhausted.
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, Thank-you for having me here. I hope that I can gain some insight on how to emotionally protect myself from this. First of all, it's one of those MIL treads...so if this isn't relevant or disinterests you, I'm warning you now. It's been ... View more

Hi Everyone, Thank-you for having me here. I hope that I can gain some insight on how to emotionally protect myself from this. First of all, it's one of those MIL treads...so if this isn't relevant or disinterests you, I'm warning you now. It's been a long and windy road. At first my MIL appeared to be the most kind, caring, compassionate, generous person who would go above and beyond for her family and friends with wanting nothing in return. My husband and I have been married for 8 months but her behaviour has dramatically accelerated since. Though I feel like there were always red flags along the way. E.g. When my husband and I met with our celebrant, my MIL attended our intimate meeting and sat on the same side as my husband and proceeded to give him a very long hug after we had finished as though it was her wedding. I noticed she would hug my husband for a long time in front of me. It never bothered me in the beginning, I respected the relationship they had. Fast forward, the month before our wedding my MIL rung up my husband about a potential house for sale 50 m down the road from her house. We live 4 hours away. I had my reservations but my husband insisted we do a walk through so we did. We decided it was not meant to be as the loan fell through and we weren't even looking...we were about to get married and had that to focus on. However, in that same week, MIL rang up my husband and said how great of a deal it was and that she had took out some of her super to help contribute a the remaining amount we couldn't get a lone for. I still had my reservations about the loan from MIL and suggested that my husband and I wait until we could afford something. She wouldn't let up and ended up convincing us that it was a no strings attached loan - but boy was I wrong! She completely took over the house. She painted it the colour she wanted, did the floors the way she wanted, re-done the kitchen in the way she wanted (at our expense) and told everyone she was the owner and that she had loaned us money for it. She would often call my husband up about it but not me. When I spoke to her about it and leaving things for us to decide as a couple, she was "respectful" and I thought she had listened. However, two days later she had done something else without our consent. I confronted her again and she said "I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway, so there's nothing you can do about it". That was one instance and I have ran out of characters for the rest.

Strong_guy Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.
  • replies: 23

so i have written and deleted this message like 5 times, it just goes for ever. short story, 2 years together, 6 month old son, feeling unattracted to partner who got fat and wont do anything about it, while im 26 and attractive and look like a fit g... View more

so i have written and deleted this message like 5 times, it just goes for ever. short story, 2 years together, 6 month old son, feeling unattracted to partner who got fat and wont do anything about it, while im 26 and attractive and look like a fit guy in the gym. sex life is broken havent had sex in like 12 months barely touched me. like 5 times if that. we dont kiss or hug and most of the time it feels forced. i just look around and see all the pretty healthy girls that are not 30kg heavier then me that i want to protect and go do fun things with, one that is smart and energetic and one that still has passion for me and herself. love my son and care about this chick but feel like i only live once and if i dont do anything about it i am wasting my life not being happy. even though leaving will be hard and painful for a short time, i feel like i need to get out and meet someone who is more like me, active in the mind and body, someone who reads books and has opinions on things and works towards goals ect. not just a fat netflix bad food binger who only ever talks about negative things like bad day at work, general running down people that you dont like stuff is all we can talk about. she acted like she was like me and put on a big show for me but then when we started dating and becoming offical it all went out the window. i dont want to hold her, kiss her, have sex with her and sacrifice my freedom for her anymore. i feel like theres so many girls all around this area that just make me really excited to look at, i see them playing sports and doing really well and being happy and fun and my girl is just giving up not interesting, and just puts her head in the sand. basically looking like im going to say i have had enough and dont think this is going to ever give me the same feeling as it did when we first started and just say ill always be there to support u and the son ect. but i need to go and do other things coz this is not working anymore.

gucia6 Cutting family "ties"
  • replies: 8

Hello Everyone, I have been recently struggling with contact with my parents. We never had a good relationship with them anyway. When I was a kid I avoided any close contact with them. I really cannot remember why though. I pretty much wanted to disa... View more

Hello Everyone, I have been recently struggling with contact with my parents. We never had a good relationship with them anyway. When I was a kid I avoided any close contact with them. I really cannot remember why though. I pretty much wanted to disappear, thinking nobody would probably even notice. The times when I had a partner my mum didn't approve were not better. Being called names, told I was unworthy and that no-one would want me anyway, and that I have to endure this relationship and take responsibility for my choices, and not breaking up with him when she told me to do so. I was just 16-17yo then. And I bloody believed in what she said, and sank deeper in the abuse that almost ended with taking and shortcut to end this misery. And my dad was just a physical figure avoiding any troubles, just sitting there, and letting my mum put me through the mud, stepping in only at the times when she was upset after our arguments, telling me that I should apologize, that she is worried about me. Since I had a break down couple of months ago, and I finally started understanding my issues and reasons for them, I have real difficulties to pick up the phone and chat with them. I am too angry, feeling too hurt, nauseous with the thought that I should respect them because they are my parents. (As a kid I sometimes hoped I was adopted) I'm sick when someone tells me, that they couldn't be so bad, that they tried to do their best to raise independent and responsible adult. But as a result there is an ungrateful and defected product they didn't wish for. Probably if I was physically and/or sexually abused, or there was alcohol and/or drugs involved it would feel more justified to just say 'Goodbye'. But after all, they provided for me, I had clean bed, roof over my head, 3 meals a day. Thanks to them I was able to learn music, and I am really grateful for that. But I just can't get myself to love them only for this. I only feel obligated to talk to them, because it is expected. But I always feel overwhelmed and hypervigilant around them, always having my own parenting judged, always walking on shells around my mother, to not upset her. I hate this feeling, that even though I am 36yo adult I still feel like unworthy little kid, that doesn't know her place and has no opinion. And the thought of cutting the contact completely gives me this feeling, that I am the bad daughter, when they did do much for me. And how come I am angry at them, when they worry so much. Regards G

Sophie225 Any advice around coping when unable to separate right now
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I am stuck in a situation where I am currently unable to leave my husband, as I have lost my job due to COVID-19 and have been struggling to find work. I have gone from a very good, well paid job, to now earning nothing. So I am stuck in an e... View more

Hi all, I am stuck in a situation where I am currently unable to leave my husband, as I have lost my job due to COVID-19 and have been struggling to find work. I have gone from a very good, well paid job, to now earning nothing. So I am stuck in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship until I am able to find a full time job and support me and my kids (they're adults so I can't get any support from government), Some days I can put it to the back of my mind and try and remain optimistic, and some days I feel really down so applying for more jobs becomes even more of a struggle when I've already done over 100 applications. I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to stay positive, and how to cope while I am stuck in this position? Or if anyone else has been in a similar position? (The atmosphere isn't great so I am constantly trying to keep the peace) Thanks in advance

Ijustwanttobeaccepted I feel alone.
  • replies: 1

Im feeling down most of the time. My mom is overbearing and tries to control me with my decisions even if im in my 30s. If she gives advice, you have to follow it or else she gives you cold shoulder. I want to live on my own but at the same time i fe... View more

Im feeling down most of the time. My mom is overbearing and tries to control me with my decisions even if im in my 30s. If she gives advice, you have to follow it or else she gives you cold shoulder. I want to live on my own but at the same time i feel i cant especially right now when families need to be together. At work, im good at what i do.. im not perfect but i know im reliable.. but people don’t appreciate what i do.. i feel some people dont think highly of me because my job is only admin. Sometimes when they talk to you it’s as if you are stupid. My friends always tease me... i can take teasing but i feel like im the only being teased or made fun of... all of these experiences make me lose hope and hate myself for not being a good person. I don’t think highly of myself and don’t believe in myself.

ocean-man everything sucks
  • replies: 2

i didn't want to post this in any of the mental health forums because i was worried i'd end up breaking rules or something, and decided this was the next best place. almost every day goes by and i feel like i'm by myself in the world. people look ove... View more

i didn't want to post this in any of the mental health forums because i was worried i'd end up breaking rules or something, and decided this was the next best place. almost every day goes by and i feel like i'm by myself in the world. people look over me like i'm a background object, something they can just ignore when they feel it's appropriate. most people at my school never really talk to me so i end up alone with my thoughts most of the time. i'm always the one initiating conversations that end up lasting maybe 4 sentences long, usually not even that. and when someone does talk to me it's usually a "hello" and nothing else. nobody shows any real interest in being around me. sometimes i wonder if that feeling is justified. moreover, everybody seems to be moving ahead with their love lives and i'm still at square one. at least 10 people in my class have had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. meanwhile i'm sitting in the corner, thinking about how the most meaningful interaction with a girl i've ever had is one of the aforementioned 4-sentence-conversations. nobody shows any real interest in me in that sense, probably because i don't have a single clue how to interact with them without looking weird i'm ugly i share no common interests with anybody everybody's probably already taken anyway i want to talk about this with my friends but i don't feel comfortable speaking about it one-on-one, and even then i'm worried if i talk about this with my friends they'll just think i'm vying for attention, groan and then move on. i also don't want to speak to my parents about this because i know they'll find some way to turn the tables and make it seem like the whole ordeal is my fault. they try to ask me what's wrong, usually with "disappointed" tones, and i always dismiss it as "nothing" or "mood swings". i've read articles upon articles about being more sociable in hopes that i might find what i need to be accepted but i just can't muster myself to do what they say. i feel like an alien, like if i try to do something nice or friendly people will stare at me in disgust or call the police - or both. i imagine that even a simple hello will earn me a restraining order. i've always believed people in my class consider me the quiet kid and i'm so sick of it being that way. i want to be recognized and appreciated, not looked over. but i doubt that that will ever happen. sorry for the rant

Insatiableloneliness Am I asking too much?
  • replies: 2

Hi BB, I have been feeling increasingly anxious lately and feeling like I'm not wanted. My partner is someone who is not overly affectionate and I know this, which is difficult as I am a very affectionate person, particularly physically. I have felt ... View more

Hi BB, I have been feeling increasingly anxious lately and feeling like I'm not wanted. My partner is someone who is not overly affectionate and I know this, which is difficult as I am a very affectionate person, particularly physically. I have felt more than ok normally but recently there has been some trauma that has halted our physical intimacy and now without that I think it has been playing on me a lot more as there is little intimacy outside that. We have talked a about it but the main response is "I don't know how to help you without making myself ubvomfortable" which is something I wouldn't want to do. There's still laying on eachother on the couch, a quick kiss and an I love you occasionally, so why do I feel like this? I'm sure I'm not the only person who has gone through this. How can I go about removing this feeling? Does anyone have any strategies?

lonerLils Trust and Privacy
  • replies: 3

Hello! So basically I watch these youtubers and I'm pretty obsessed. They made this anthem so I translated it into like spanish so no one would know what it said and printed it out. I asked my mum not to question it. I'm in my room and she comes up w... View more

Hello! So basically I watch these youtubers and I'm pretty obsessed. They made this anthem so I translated it into like spanish so no one would know what it said and printed it out. I asked my mum not to question it. I'm in my room and she comes up with a piece of paper. She GOOGLE TRANSLATED IT and asked me to explain. It wasn't anything bad, I'm just so angry because I feel like I have no privacy. And I specifically said not to, in a serious tone. She promised she wouldn't. I'm so embarrassed and angry at her.

LonelyButterfly Forgotten by a friend
  • replies: 5

I am feeling very hurt and lonely at the moment. I had made plans to spend time with a friend, but when I got to her house, no one was home. I later got a text from her saying that she was out shopping and had forgotten that I was coming. The worst p... View more

I am feeling very hurt and lonely at the moment. I had made plans to spend time with a friend, but when I got to her house, no one was home. I later got a text from her saying that she was out shopping and had forgotten that I was coming. The worst part for me is that I sent her a text saying that I would be at her house in about an hour. I sent this message half an hour before she went shopping. I know this because she told me what time she went shopping. I don't get very much time to socialise, but when I do, I like forward to it. I also feel like I only have one friend to socialise with. I have lots of acquaintances. Except for my adult daughter and my two little boys, I don't have any family close to me.

lochness46 Having severe relationship problems with my mum :(
  • replies: 1

The other day, my mum & I got into a disaggrement becasue I feel like she always plays devils advoacate or make opinions about things shes doesnt understand or know the details of. So she hung up on me but continued to send me msgers till I told her ... View more

The other day, my mum & I got into a disaggrement becasue I feel like she always plays devils advoacate or make opinions about things shes doesnt understand or know the details of. So she hung up on me but continued to send me msgers till I told her to stop, but she didnt, so i had to block her. It seems since I last messaged my Mum telling her to stop messenging me the other day, she has NOW, YET AGAIN, unfriended me from Facebook.... OMFG I am so tired of her petty games like this. I tried to call her to try to talk to her & even apologise for some of the things I said in the heat of the moment, but of course shes ignoring me & I will b e very suprised if she contacts me at all .I feel like its all so childish & kinda manipulative for her to behave like this yet again....In the past, Ive HAD to stop talking to her for y own sanity, even up to 6 months at a time because she can behave so toxic & childish, like now.....It feels like a bit of a relief, but I hate being deliberately ignored when I want to try & make ammends & talk this through. I do realise that its the 1st year anniversary of the death of my brother in December, but I feel she really needs to resume her grief counselling that stopped because of Covid, because obviously she snt coping well. We are all grappling with his passing...but Im doing EVERYTHING in my power, to try to help myself & our relationship. But is it even possible?? I have been taking meds for more than decade, Ive been having therapy for many, many years, & even this year started DBT to help myself & the relationships I have with others, but it just doesnt seem enough for my mother....I just dont know how to communicate with her or even relate to her anymore....Im so lost with this !!