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Am I expecting too much from my parents?

Community Member

Hi everyone I feel like other people on the forum have far greater problems, so I wasn't going to post anything, but I just feel so lonely and lost, thank you for listening.

I am in my mid 20s, I grew up here, my family were from Taiwan. I am currently studying and living with my grandparents (dad's side) &brother. Although my grandparents love &care for me very much &I feel very grateful to have them, it is often difficult because of the cultural &generational differences. They have a very low threshold for feeling like I have an 'attitude' and I have to be so mindful of the exact tone I speak in and how I say things. They can speak some English (good enough to go grocery shopping) but can't do any 'life admin' tasks and so my brother and I check their letters, text messages &do other household admin tasks for them. I will be moving out after I finish studying next year, I worry that they won't get the help they need and that they will feel left behind.

My parents are not around to support us. I know they are both kind people, I understand that they are individuals too and not just 'my dad' and 'my mum' and I want them to be happy. But it feels like they're able to live their lives while my brother and I are 'stuck' here with our grandparents.

My dad used to live with us but he moved out a few years ago with his new partner, they now live on the other side of Sydney &own a small business together. My dad is a kind man &I know he tries but in reality he offers very little/ no support. I've asked for him to come &visit more often, and he tries, but it still doesn't happen.

My mum lives in Thailand. Our relationship has always been strained. I've been trying (for a few years) to be closer to her but whenever I try to call her for a chat it seems like she's always busy and in a hurry to leave the conversation, our calls mostly last for a few minutes. I resent her sometimes because feel like she favouritises my brother since we were young, short-tempered and she's left us here as well. I know she is a kind woman deep down but I still feel so angry at her sometimes.

In summary, I feel so conflicted and so lonely. I know my parents are kind &well-intended but they are just not here for us, even though I feel like I've communicated that we needed them. Their parents cared even less for them, so in a way they are loving/caring for us to the best of their knowledge... I hate to feel this way but I sometimes still resent them for not 'meeting my expectations'.

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi there,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being brave enough to share your story. You are valid and so is your story.

I can see that you are feeling isolated. It is completely understandable how you feel. Especially in your situation.

Have you directly told your parents how you feel? How you want to feel more loved and talk to them more. They probably don't realise that they are distancing themselves from you due to their separate lives.

I know it's hard but talking is probably the only option. You are putting in a lot of effort and they aren't.

Please stay safe and I am here to chat.