After 27 years of marriage she’s left and I’m gutted

[Dumbdom]

My wife and I were married for 27 years, 2 beautiful daughters in their 20’s. My wife works in hospitality, myself construction, both in our 50’s, the relationship has always been a work in progress. She is not a very romantic person, never has been, I guess some of it stems from her upbringing, my upbringing the complete opposite. Sometime ago I was a fly in fly out worker, it lasted 6 months. I was getting home every Friday night and her being out with one of her of her friends at the local watering hole or out with work friend. She would then get up Saturday and go to work, not leaving much time for US time. I should have said something but didn’t and I spiralled downhill feeling worthless, empty, gutted and no self esteem. She gets very into socialising with her work friends, occasionally I was invited sometimes I’d go, sometimes not, when they all get together they talk work, fair enough but I don’t want to hear because that’s all she’s talking at home. She’s been to Bali twice with work people, I haven’t gone, my choice, didn’t want to hear about their work all the time.

I was diagnosed with Depression at start of this year, which I’m on medication for and have spoken to Professionals about. I’ve told all my family and friends and received 100% support. She left me because she said we needed time to breathe, I hadn’t been the easiest person to live with I’ll admit that, I did tell her my depression stemmed back to when I was working away and coming home to an empty house and that she ranked well down on her list of priorities, she doesn’t seemed that concerned that her actions bought it on, she says she’s sorry but never made any attempt to rectify it, I think it’s lip service

She said she needs her own space, in 8 months that we’ve been separated I’ve had her over to the family home and cooked her dinner, she did say she didn’t want to lead me on, I understand that. I thought we were making some progress.

She told me recently that she’s going away in the new year with friends, I said that it hurt because to me that said she wasn’t figuring I’d be in the picture. She then said she doesn’t see us ever getting back together.

I feel worthless, gutted, emotionally and physically destroyed, thankfully I’m close and very grateful for the love and support of my daughters, family and friends, they give me reason to get up, it’s a challenge.

I just struggle as to why after 27 years she walks away from me

[Dumbdom]

Dear Em, Geoff & Mr Paul,

Thanks for the advice, I will take your concerns and recommendations into account.

There are no plans to divorce at this stage. My thinking there is that she probably gets what she wants and I’ve no plans to make things easier for her, however I will have it in the back of mind and will keep an eye out for unusual financial activities

Geoff I’m very glad to hear that you haven’t had a drink since December, more power to you.

Thank you one and all

[clownartist]

Mr Paul,

Great advice ,money changes everything unfortunately .I wish I had your advice years ago .I trusted the verbal agreement and was more than reasonable paying all the mortgage for five years, even the kids private school .When it came to settlement none of that was brought into account .It was a disaster ,get financial advice quickly and cease joint accounts especially credit cards immediately.Cruel to be kind .

[Guest909]

Hi Clownartist and Dom

Separation (divorce) is bad enough, but property settlement brings its own set of challenges; especially when one spouse has an over inflated sense of entitlement.

My ex, thought that she would do better at property settlement if she could fabricate a case of domestic violence. This lead to expensive litigation where she eventually withdrew the allegations, and walked away as if nothing had happened.

The disturbing thing about my experience was that my ex's bad behavior had no consequences. I now know that Family law has nothing to do with fair.

Cheers

[zani]

I am new & could not find where to post.After 40years of marriage my husband did not come home3 days ago.It was getting late & I messaged him asking what time he would be home,after several minutes he sent message ending the marriage & said please don't call as he was turning phone off.I was in shock called out to daughter & showed her message.He also said he paid major bills for 12months & quit his job.Kids&grandchild all called & messaged with no answer.Next day he called them briefly saying he OK .Called again & told them that he could not be found as he will never speak or see me again.I am a mess.I am not eating or sleeping the pain is so intense.He left clothes watches etc here as he told them he wants a clean break with no one ever knowing where he his.I am devastated he was my world please I need a friend so scared& lonely

[Sophie_M]

Hi Zani,

Welcome to our forums. Thank you for posting and sharing your experience. We are so sorry to hear you are in such intense pain at the moment. It is devastating for a loved one to leave abruptly without providing an explanation. It must be very difficult for you to comprehend what is happening in your life. We are so glad you have come here as this is a safe, non-judgmental space where other community members can provide support and insight.

To get the best possible support from our wonderful community, we invite you to start your own thread. You can learn about how to start a new thread here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/the-forum-faq-thread...

We also encourage you to contact our Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Talking to a friendly, caring counselor can help you process these difficult feelings and thoughts you are experiencing and help alleviate pain and stress. 
 

[zani]

thank you

[zani]

I am so alone & gutted.How do I go on knowing that I will never see him again.Idon't work so no income.I am so scared & alone. am not coping feeling sick anxious exhausted

[Guest909]

Hi Zarni

Please do repost. You can start your new thread on the, "Online Forums - Relationship and family issues" page. You will find a "New Thread" button near the top right of the page.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Cheers