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Advice

GuestYD
Community Member

Hi all

I'm a woman who has only ever slept with men.

I think I'm interested in girls. It's something that keeps coming up since my teens and I tell people at times when I've been drunk. I had a dream last night about a friend proposing to me and I felt so happy. It made so much more sense being with a girl than a guy.

What should I do now?

Thanks

LC

11 Replies 11

GuestYD
Community Member
I should also add I've got a history of bad experiences with guys.

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Cavvie, i was taught in the police academy to always trust your gut instinct and i can say that by trusting my instinct, it saved me from getting seriously hurt on a few occasions. If your gut is telling you that you prefer woman, then go for it. What have you got to lose? You try being with a woman and if you like it, sweet but if you don't then your question is solved.

Check out some threads on the sexuality and gender identity section. You may find that there are similar stories to yours.

In regards to being treated badly by men before, I can say that not all of us are pricks. There are plenty of males out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Best of luck with it all. Hopefully i have helped you a little bit.

Mark.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Little Cavvie, why are you worried, if that's how you feel and have dreams about, there is no need to fight it, the world has changed so much these days, go for what you feel maybe the truth and to answer your query, you won't know until you find out.
Don't question these thoughts because by doing this will only make your life in doubt always wondering, go with your dreams and find out. Geoff.x

GuestYD
Community Member

Thanks Geoff and Mark

You've made me feel less stressed about the situation.

Thank 🙂

Hey and welcome Little Cavvie;

I'm sorry I haven't found this thread until now, I've been going thru some stuff of my own.

I hear you loud and clear. I came out as bi a few months ago which was a huge relief. All the confusion was swept away once I accepted me as 'normal' and said the words out loud to my GP.

It is as Mark and Geoff have said; an exercise in exploration, self awareness and transition.

Your dream is telling; it seems you may want a woman to come to you (to propose a romance?) instead of you stepping out of your comfort zone to find 'her'. I so get that lovely. There is an awkwardness seeking same sex relationships after being with men.

As for your comment; 'I should also add I've got a history of bad experiences with guys', wanting to be with other women can be a natural response to trauma; there's a safety aspect involved. Just remember some women have the capacity for violence and abuse too. This character flaw isn't gender specific.

I wish you well in discovering what feels 'right' for you. I'm on that journey with you...here if you need me.

Kind and warm thoughts..Sara (Hugs)

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Cavvie, no probs and great to hear that your stress levels have lowered - that is awesome.

The stigma around same sex relationships is declining which is great. If you do decide to go down that route, then great and remember if anyone questions you, it is your right to do that and they need to be educated. Your an adult and not doing anything illegal.

Good luck!!

Mark.

Thanks Sara.

It's a tough discovery road for me.

I went on a day time date with a really nice girl I met online, so that was a good experience although I'm not sure if we will catch up again. We just hugged as I was leaving but I felt excited by her body close to mine. I don't know if was was meant to kiss her but it was broad daylight and we were in a busy stretch of footpath.

I'm happy I've taken the steps to test things out. I told my mum about the date which went pretty well but mum expressed surprise that I was interested in girls. She seemed pretty good about it though. So that's a relief.

You are right about girls being potentially abusive too. it's not gender specific at all.

Anyway I appreciate hearing you're also going through a similar period of discovery. Good luck on your journey.

LC

MsPurple
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Little Cavvie

As people have recently posted on this thread it has come back to the top so I have only just found it.

I was in the exact same boat as you. When I was 16-17ish (note I wasn't interested in relationships or anything till I turned 16, so maybe a late bloomer) I remember having feelings for both guys and girls. I knew I liked guys, but I also could see myself with a woman. I feel comfortable with them and connect. I talked to a guy friend of mine who told me he was bi. We connected but it never really answered in questions. I then got a bf when I was 18 and it went to the back of my mind as I was happily in a relationship. When we broke up a year after the breakup I had the feelings again. I knew I loved my bf at the time, so I didn't feel lesbian. But I felt a connection to women and attracted to them in a sexual and romantic way (please note sexual and romantic are different. Sexual is someone you find is attractive and would engage in sexual activity and romantic is someone you see yourself in a long term relationship with. Well that's what they mean to me). As my depression got worse I also got confused. I even went on tinder to see if I was attracted to women. Then a youtuber called Shane Dawson came out as bisexual I got a feeling of dread and goosebumps. He explained how I had been feeling since I was 16. Maybe I was bisexual. It took me a month to talk to my mental health nurse about it. He paused when I told him, but then he said 'So you like chicks, hmm. Do you like me as well'. He came from an unjudgemental place and was so supportive. He also told me that it is nothing to be ashamed about and to open myself up to women as well as men. He also gave me resourses to look up on. He also told me that based on our conversation it made sense. I started opening myself up to women and although I am still single I am so much more confortable in myself. I like men and women and there is nothing wrong with that. No I haven't come out to everyone, but I'm ok with it. I am doing it in my own time. I have told my mum and the weight was lifted so much, she and my bf were the main two I wanted to tell so I feel so open and free now.

I want you to follow your gut. There is nothing to be ashamed about being any member of the LGBTQI+ community. If you want to put yourself our there and you feel ready the go for it. Just be honest with yourself and love yourself for who you are.

Let us know how you go on your journey of self discovery 🙂

MsPurple
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

OH my goodness I found a big typo. I am gonna quote and correct it below

So you like chicks, hmm. Do you like men as well'

Above it said me, which sounds really creapy but I swear he was the sweetest counsellor and very professional.