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Accepting minor flaws in a partner

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

I'm 66yo, the advantage of being older is - it's easier to accept minor flaws in a partner. You learn a few things over time- to realise that your own flaws are just as irritating to others, that you cant change others from their character, personality and any other trait that's in their DNA.

There is an infinite number of flaws humans have, when dealing with humans we are so individualistic that each situation is different, there is no hard and fast rule for couples. So I'll just give you a few examples of this to give you some idea of the dilemma we can find ourselves in-

My wife of 10 years has a few flaws, as I do. I cook the meals and once cooked I'll call her and...waiting...waiting, no matter what, she has to finish whatever she is doing which usually are things she can delay like using a computer screen saver or stop weeding and resume later. So I resorted to calling her 10 minutes early and still I waited. So I began to eat my meal anyway and that was a lonely affair lol. See I am laughing as I tell you these things, 20 years ago I'd be off to the family counsellor! She also gets distracted. Once we were going out, dressed up we approached our car. Then in a flash she was gone. I went back inside, searched around and found her on the other side of the car pulling out a few weeds. Not only did she do something unexpected, she didnt tell me she was going to vanish.

To balance the account, she has told me that (along with my bipolar moods) that I'm the most difficult person to "read". With the moods swings she never knows what mood I'm in, I'm not always aware I'm depressed for the first few hours or manic for a day or so. In fact my only indication of any mania is that I walk faster and only realise that because I tend to puff a lot more.

I think the best transformation in this area of acceptance of your partners flaws is seeing the funny side. Now whenever she gets distracted I say "oh, we are weeding again are we". We both laugh about it. In fact this routine of laughter has become so amusing I've grown to be endearing towards that part of her nature. The longer we are together the more I expect the unexpected.

For the last 3 months she has been occupied in our study doing "stuff". Today she presented me with 15 copies of my book of poems. I sat there in amazement flicking through 300 poems I'd written over 35 years complete with pictures.

Laughing at another flaws can be a positive. Do you find it hard to accept another's flaws?

TonyWK

3 Replies 3

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Tony...

I read your post tonight...oops very early this morning...

It really warmed my heart...It’s so lovely to hear that you have a lot of patience and love for your wife....and the 15 copies of your book of poems your beautiful wife surprised you with...shows how much love she has for you...

I did have a little giggle when I read about you both getting into the car to go out.....she vanished....and you went looking for her inside, but you found her waiting patiently for you doing something that she likes to do..taking out some weeds on the other side of the car....

I think you are both blessed to have found each other...

I love hearing about spouses/partners being their for each other unconditionally....everyone has flaws in one way or another...accepting them is what love is...

I just wanted to wish you both a lot of happiness...

My kind thoughts, with my care and respect dear Tony..

Grandy...

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Tony and Grandy, an interesting thread because both my wife and I had minor and even at times major flaws which we could compensate for because the love between us was very strong, although at other times there were short periods when we wanted to be alone, but I'm sure this happens with all couples.

The only time we couldn't overcome this was at the end and I do blame myself for this because now we can talk as if nothing ever happened but probably couldn't live together again, as the hours I'm up are strange for everybody.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Geoff and Grandy

Thankyou for your posts.

Geoff it's great when a ex couple can be friends. People are often of the view it takes two for that not to happen, no, it only takes one. One parent refuses to have any grown up conversation with the other then it won't happen.

Grandy, yes I'm a lucky guy. My 1st wife has a brother. I matchmade him with her in 1988. They stayed married for 20 years then separated. She had been my best friend. So in 2009 we were both single. She was also my daughters favouriteauntie by marriage. So we got together and married in 2011.

My wife had no children and as my eldest rejected her mother 16 years ago my wife, once auntie, became "mum".

TonyWK