Abusive relationship and coping mechanisms

[enoughsalt]

My partner has issues. And I mean ISSUES. And these issues can come out as abusive towards me - name calling, anger, childishness, temper tantrums, jealously etc. I know he has had a difficult past but the way he acts and reacts to things is worrying and very upsetting for me.

I guess my question is - how (or can) I support someone with mental health issues like this (trauma, bipolar, possible BPD)?

[Juliet_84]

Hi quirky,

I’m glad you found my experience helpful. Mine would never go to a counsellor on his own, but agreed to go to a couples counsellor only because he honestly believed that they would side with him, that he was justified in his behavior and didn’t see a problem with it. It took him an extremely long time to admit that he was abusive and even then he “admitted that he was (abusive) in the past but that he’d changed and was no longer like that” and me even mentioning that he was abusive was abuse in itself 🙄 they are extremely manipulative and will use everything to twist it so that you are at fault. My ex would act like the most doting partner in front of everyone and it worked. My family adored him, he told his family behind my back that I was a “high maintenance princess” so that they were all on side and would never believe me if I ever told the truth. If only he had spent as much effort actually being a good partner rather than all the effort it took to fool people.

[geoff]

Hello enoughsalt, Denhamand and Juliet, the problem is that these people can twist things around so that other people believe what they are saying is right, but as soon as you get home it all starts again.

Unfortunately they won't change and even if someone picks on him, this will only make it worse for those concerned.

No one can live a reasonable life under these circumstances, because it doesn't give you any leverage as it only goes one way, which is not suitable for any loving relationship.

The trouble is if you ask him to leave he may promise that everything will change for the better, and it may, but only for a couple of days, then it's all back to how it was, and only a reasonable counsellor can allow him to change, the problem is whether that's what they want to happen or will it make it worse for you.

I can't tell you what to do, but surely you all want to be is happy, much more relaxed and have a decent relationship where love thrives, rather than the situation you are trying to cope with.

Geoff.