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Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Community Member

Hoping I can receive some advice, thoughts or positive words.

ive been in a relationship for over a year. The person I am seeing often needs time alone, time alone with her children and also time alone with friends.

She often tells me she ‘wants to miss me’. When i first heard this, it actually hurt. I couldnt understand why she needed so much distance. Why doesnt she want to be with me more, what is wrong with me etc etc.

why does not seeng me for days, make everything better for her between us? Im trying to understand why my absence makes her happier. Why does she need to be apart from me to realise how much she loves me. Am I that repulsive...or that difficult to be around, I just wish I understood.

This lovely lady does not want to get married, is happy dating and taking each day as it comes. Id marry her in a heartbeat if I could. I want to sleep beside her each night for the rest of my life, she wants to have some nights/mornings alone. And always feel guilty for wanting this.

I feel that our future is very much damaged by her past(prev bad marriage) and because of that my opportunities with her are very limited and restricted.

i feel so lonely without her, but I do not say anything as I sense its pressure she does not want. I miss her a lot when we are not together. But she doesnt seem to miss me or tell me so. She just is super happy to see me in small dosages.

please understand I do not write these words in spite, negativity or anger. I simply long to understand and perhaps many kind folks on here will get it and share with me what I fail to see here.

How can she love me, when she barely wants to see me? How can I stay important to her, without placing pressure of calls, texts to her etc?

Also struggle with how her phone is virtually her lifeline. Even in the time we are together she is mind deep in messages. I feel very bad when her friends call etc as she doesnt call them back because she is with me, she requires privacy always with her friends. As it pings, makes noises etc she will always say “ its just John “ ((whoever it is at the time) How can I make her feel as though thats Ok and also still feel acknowledged? She often tells me I seem sad when her friends are messaging her or calling her.

thank you for listening to me, i truly hope i have made some sense or someone will relate well to help me through this.🌸

57 Replies 57

Hi Camellias

thank you for your kind words.

music use to calm me down but the songs at the moment are not helping.

To keep myself busy is take the dogs to park, clean the house and read a book

Dear Labs4life

Music used to have so much meaning to me also. But I find every song reminds me of her/them. I never seem to have the radio on anymore.

I’m glad you have your dogs, to go for walks, cleaning your house can be very therapeutic too.

Today I have woke up just feeling so sick and cut off from everything I believe/love.

What books are you reading? I hope that it is an interesting story.


I’m reading the lee child jack reacher series on to book 6

Hi Labs4life

I just wanted to check in on you and ask how you are. I hope you are having a lovely day, your dogs are happy and your children are smiling. Mostly i hope you know you are not alone. Enjoy your book reading.

Hi Camellias

I’m not doing ok, my daughter is starting to rebound and not get ready for school and both don’t want to go to bed without me at night time.

I am still grieving and trying to sort out financial stuff which is so hard.

I hope you are doing ok

Dear Labs4life,

I wanted to check in on you and see how you are doing. I hope that you have made it through this far with purpose and have found strength from within to carry on for your children and your dogs too.

I understand the financial strain and trying to find motivation.

How is the book reading going? Done anything exciting with your dogs?

Sending you best wishes

Hi Camellias

I have had good/strong days and bad/sad days. But overall starting to work through our new normal life. I had a realisation today I don’t have to worry about what the ex is doing when he is going to come over as he needs to do all the explaining to the kids not me. I don’t have to try and make excuses why he isn’t home. Lot less stress but stressful with the finances as I still haven’t gotten anything from Centrelink yet so still having to rely on him financially is making me feel trapped.

Good news is I graduated cert 2 in animal studies and now onto cert 4 vet nurse.

I hope you are well. 🤗

Dear Labs4life

So good to hear from you. I understand with the good/strong days and the bad/sad days.

Well that is great news that you have realised that you do not have to worry about what he ex is doing. It sounds like your doing he very best you can and support your children by never giving up on them.

Having to rely on your ex for finances would be very hard for you, I understand why you feel trapped. I truly do. But your doing the best you can by applying for Centrelink payments and graduating in your studies is stepping stones to build your own destiny. That’s wonderful news I’m super proud of you even though we have never met! Cert 4 Vet Nurse here you come!!! You can do this you have greatness inside you.

big hugs for you, your kids and dogs


For me it’s more bad/sad days.