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When does it start to feel better?

Community Member
Its been nearly 15mths since my 14 yr relationship ended. My partner came home one day & announced he was moving away & I had to leave. We haven't seen each other since the day I left our home. I've done the rollercoaster of rejection & emotions, self loathing, fear & despair. I've tried to distract myself & move on but it hasn't worked. I know I cared & loved him & his child more than it was reciprocated. We communicate every now & then, & he says he still loves me. But I still can't move on. I feel like I lost my best friend & my identity. I am so sad & depressed. I am pathetic & seek even the smallest contact from him to validate my self worth. Its been over a year & I don't know how to move on. I feel like a failure. I take anxiety & ad meds but they only help me to stay barely functioning. I am ashamed of myself with friends & family & rarely interact. I can't seem to move forward. I am lost. I've done counselling with no outcome that helps. I just feel broken, rejected & stuck. The heartache is so real. I am 50 now & feel so unlovable, unattractive & unwanted. I am even ashamed to admit here how I am feeling. But I need help, I need to share, & I need advice. I just don't know how to do it alone, or what I've tried isn't working. I know my relationship wasnt perfect, but it shocked me when & how it ended. One day I had a home, a partner, a child & life. Then within days it was all gone. How have others coped & moved on? I know I will never have any of that back although contact with my ex let's me feel there may be some love & hope still there. I am very hurt & confused. Time keeps moving on but I don't seem able to. Its like me & my life as I knew it died & I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I feel disgrace in front of people who know me because I can't just get on with it like they want or tell me to. I don't know how to unlove my ex & his child I helped raise. And I don't know how to keep that love & be strong or see any worth in myself without them. I would appreciate talking with anyone who has experienced similar & maybe understands. I spend all my time hiding & hoping & feeling foolish & broken. I don't want to feel this way anymore but I struggle to know how to fix things in my heart, head & life. I keep taking my meds & dread each day alone only to hear again that its been over 12 months & what is wrong with me. If you know what I am going through & can help or offer any suggestions I would be very grateful. Thank you
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Yes, I know that feeling, 3 times now each relationship/marriage was over 7 years duration. My current one is on 8 years and is purely fabulous.

I would take the plunge and go dating, try computer dating and wait until you get a guy that lifts your spirits up. Going backwards wont help. There is plenty of opportunity for fun in your life.

Join a passive sport or cheering for one, a club or group, a passion? Being lonely will make you pine more for your ex.

Here is a couple of threads you can google

Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

Beyondblue topic do you like yourself? (this is an ongoing thread you can post in)


Community Member
I been 5 years seperated and unfortunately can't get over it. I ask myself everyday why wasn't I worth the effort. I feel I failed and never gave him a reason to want me. I lost all joys in life; cooking; eating; going out etc. Just feel trapped. I don't know why I keep going. Feels all robotic. I wake up go work. I am a part time mum to 2 teenagers and they see me miserable and I don't know how to get better. No extended family and no friends and now I feel I am loosing the battle to keep going.
All I can say be strong and hope.