A Bit Lost

In_need_of · ‎22-06-2014

I was diagnosed in December 2013 with depression. No real surprise I guess, having been through a turbulent 2 year period with my wife and her family. We were fortunate to become first time parents 2.5 years ago and what should have been a happy time quickly turned into a period of anger, anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness. In laws who wouldn't give us 5 minutes of peace and a father in law who is a nasty piece of work. Maybe i handled it wrong over the years. I know i blamed my wife for not putting a stop to it. Now I am paying the price. My wife has said she wants out of the marriage and it has hit me hard. I try to speak to her about it but she isn't one to communicate with me. I still love her and love our precious daughter and don't want to lose my family. I know I have made mistakes, as any human does and I am ready to face up to my faults and get professional help. I have been fighting depression on my own as my wife is more focused on what I do wrong than trying to help me do right. My family are interstate and aren't the type to have an in depth talk about my battle with depression. I am looking for guidance, tips and any kind of help so that I can work on my depression and my marriage. I am really lost and lonely.

Struggler · ‎22-06-2014

Hi in need of

Not sure if you are receiving treatment from GP and psychologist, but this is exactly what I suggest now.

You said your parents are interstate and not the type of people to have in depth conversation. Like most us here I assume you do not close friends you can open to, hence you are posing here. You have come to the right place and welcome.

You are not alone. There are many people here battling family breakdown on this forum. May I ask if you are working now? I ask because a job can distract you from feeling depressed and thinking about family problem. You are forced to focus while at work. Also if you still have a job, money problem is not an issue for now. It gives you more energy focusing on home problem.

You said your wife wanted out of the marriage. Does she plan to move out and take the daughter with her? Or does she want you to leave the family home without the daughter? Did she set a deadline? If she works, who will look after the little one? Did she discuss these issues with you? Sorry to ask so many questions when you are feeling so distraught. If she is serous about breaking up, these are the questions you both have to exams?

Hope to hear from you soon and take care.

Struggler

geoff · ‎23-06-2014

dear In need of, thanks for posting your comment and welcome.

Everybody makes mistakes it's just how others take it, but remember they too make mistakes, which many don't accept, because they are always right.

You say that you 'handled it the wrong way', perhaps that's only in the in the laws opinion, but you have a wife and a joint agreement would have been made, although there maybe a question about this.

When your wife focuses on everything you do and then criticises you this does not made a happy marriage, sort of reminds me of my wife, because 'she was always right, and she never said sorry to me' once.

Have you suggested to your wife about going to a joint marriage counsellor, or has she made up her mind and still wants to leave.

This would make it so difficult for you and your daughter, and I hope that she doesn't tell her all the bad things about you.

I would make an appointment with your GP and then tell her that you are getting some counselling, whether this will help her to stay or down the track re-unite the family which I'm not sure that she will take note of this and make her re-think about the situation.

It's never pleasant when a family breaks up, but if you have depression then it's no fault of yours.

I would like to reply again to this post. Geoff.

In_need_of · ‎25-06-2014

Hi Struggler, thanks for posting. My wife is planning to leave once we sell our house and take our daughter with her. There is no yelling and screaming about this as I want to remain calm and objective about the situation. Yes I work full time, my wife works part time (3 days a week). I am doing my best to be a good and caring husband and father but I honestly don't know how I will cope without my little girl there every day.

In_need_of · ‎25-06-2014

Hi Geoff, thanks for posting. Maybe I should have been more assertive back when the issues were starting. Maybe it wouldn't have got so bad. My wife and I went to a counsellor a few months ago but he tended to focus on the negatives and I walked away each time feeling it was a waste of time. My wife has been seeing a counsellor (the same one we went to together). She also has a friend (her ex husbands sister) who has been in her ear about leaving me. It seems that I am trying to fight so many battles on so many different fronts. The hardb thing is that I am fighting depression on my own. When our daughetr was born my wife battled Post natal Depression and I was there every step of the way supporting her. I did my back around a year ago and was in hospital for 4 days. I felt the visits from my wife were very short and I felt as though I was putting her out. On the day I was discharged I had to wait 3 hours for her to come and get me despite me calling her and letting her know what time I was being discharged. My wife isnt the type of person to tell our daughter I am bad etc. She has a good heart but for whatever reason can't or wont take an interest in or assist me with depression. I sit at work trying to ocus but it is tough knowing that I may soon lose my family.