6 year relationship ended - resorting to many drugs to cope

[Concept9]

Hey and thanks for reading,

I have finally found my way here after much procrastination, firstly because I need somewhere to vent/release and secondly in hope of some advice or reassurance on where to go next.

I recently got out of a 6 year relationship, and it happened quite unexpectedly. We were dating for many years, it was very passionate and intense. For me, she was my first true love. For her, we were beyond what she had ever experienced before (her words).

We moved in together a little over a year and a half ago and things seemed fine to me but she could never be pleased completely. I mean, not physically but emotionally. I was always letting her down despite myself feeling like I was doing everything possible to provide a nice home, meals, and look after her health + support her family where possible.

I thought things were so right I went and got an engagement ring made for her. Exactly the style I knew she wanted and spent silly money. I was planning to contact her father for consent and the waiting for the perfect time to pop the question.

Next thing I know, she’s moving out of our place, and insisting she needs to live with friends but wants to continue seeing me. From the moment she left I cut contact. I realised that I was living in a dream world and she wasn’t there with me.

The day she left I started partying with my mates and now I’m dosing myself with coke every night to make myself feel better. It gets to the late hours of the night and I realise I won’t be sleeping as I’m thinking about the above, plus business, and the rest so I take unprescribed medication to get to sleep. This has been going on for nearly 2 months and I’m only feeling worse as the days go by. I haven’t had coke for a few days and I feel like I’m no better or worse without it but need something (alcohol, medication) to get to sleep of a night.

I think I need to see a GP and get proper help but also feel like getting it out there now is the first thing I need to do, even though everyone is probably going to say stop doing coke and medication. The other thing I’m lost on is what to do with this bloody diamond now?!

If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Concept9,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here.

I'm so glad that you want to reach out and get some help and I'm sorry to hear about your break-up. It sounds like it's been incredibly hard especially after dating for such a long time.

I'm not sure how helpful I can be but know that the forums is totally your space to vent about what's going on.

Seeing your GP does sound like the best step; and I imagine that they'll refer you to see either a psychologist or an alcohol and drug counsellor.

One thing that's probably important to know is that if they say 'stop doing it' you're probably seeing the wrong person. You already know logically that what you're doing isn't smart - you don't need to be reminded of that! But the idea behind getting help isn't about quitting it, it's about finding ways to cope so that you don't need to use it. Sometimes when people see drug counsellors they'll keep using for a while until they do feel like they can cut down. It's about getting to that point where the benefits of not doing coke and unprescribed medication far outweigh the sweet release it can give you.

As for the diamond - I don't know how helpful I can be with that?! Is it going to help you holding onto it or is it better to sell it?

I hope this helps somewhat. I think the TLDR version is that if you decide to go through with it; know that it's about you being in control. You get to decide what it is you want and when you're ready to stop.

[Rhes]

Hi Concept,
I read your post because I’m up at 4 in the morning going through the same thing! I too cut off communication and it is probably for the best, though it all feels so unresolved, I know. I used to self medicate with alcohol after bad break ups (I’ve had quite a few) but I quit drinking and drugs a couple of years ago so I’m using ciggies and fizzy drinks and lot of writing to get me through this one. It’s not easy to give up substances but if you can ease back and realise that they don’t help the situation so much, it is helpful in the healing process.

Something else that’s really helping me is reading psychological articles, watching YouTube videos about how bad relationship breakdowns work and how they affect you. You’re not alone. It’s good to concentrate on yourself and finding answers that will help you. Because it’s all about you now, there’s no point in going over/working out what went wrong in the relationship. You knew what you wanted and your ex didn’t, so it’s not your fault, you tried your best. If you can use those best efforts to concentrate on helping yourself through this, it’s worth it.

[jason600]

Hey Rhes liked reading what you had to say about recovering. Haven't gone down the road of drugs and alcohol ,tried meditation ,yoga and a couple of men's group. Tried to keep in contact with ex but just seems really painful one minute she is nice the next she is screaming " I am never getting back with you " You said you were reading some books to help you cope just wondering if you have any recommendations. Many Thanks Jason

[Just_talk]

Hi Mate Im new to this but have just turned 40 out of a 22 year relationship and have have 3 small kids up to 9 . I was was diagnosed with severe depression and turned yo alcohol and prescription drugs also due to a major tractor accident and it took the pain away. Been going to rehab and talking about it something I just couldnt do before. Mate you have it inside you but you have to fight. Always here if you need to talk