40, Divorce, No Kids, Single AGAIN

[Molly23]

Hi,

I’m new to this forum.

At the moment, feeling anxious about to turn 41 this week.

I’ve hated Christmas, NY, birthday, etc. for as long as I remember. Putting my best smile in front of family and friends and yet feeling so alone inside.

I haven’t been lucky in love but last year, I met someone who made me feel complete. I thought my search was over but after almost a year dating, he saw no future with me.

Here I am again single, just like Bridget Jones. I hope one day, I can finally be happy too and don’t have to put on a happy face for everyone and cry when noone is around.

I need to find my purpose in life...but it’s so hard when happiness kept being taken away from me.

How do you pick yourself up and keep going forward? What’s your secret? I’d love to hear what you have to say.

[Croix]

Dear Molly23~

I can very much sympathies with your experiences over Christmas and the New year, or on many other occasions come to that. I was faced with similar when my first wife passed away very young, in her early forties.

I stated by burying myself in my work, but that only worked for a while, and holding that mask in place I found simply made me feel more isolated.

Having been divorced does something to most people, a little different from a death, and one may well end less trusting and half expecting the wheels to fall off. Sadly this can of course communicate itself to someone as they get closer.

I'm sorry that year long association came to an end, one builds up one's hopes, then it all falls down.

I'm not sure you have the same path as I used, which was simply to advertise, and then fall for the one who was a complete opposite to me but full of warmth and hope despite having seen her husband pass away.

I realise it is different for ladies, and that on-line dating can be a real trap, both by misrepresentation or fraud, so I guess maybe you can join an organization with a mix of the sexes which appeals to you and see what happens. Anything from walking shelter dogs to amateur dramatics to face to face study.

Not an easy path, but probably safer than many.

Any thoghts?

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Molly, and a warm welcome.

I join your feelings about all these activities which may be caused by our own circumstances, but the title of your thread 'Divorce, No Kids, Single AGAIN' may have more to how you are feeling than losing this person after a year who you were hoping to build a strong relationship with.

It's not easy to have a partner after a divorce because we're so pleased that we can connect with another person, unfortunately, this may not necessarily mean the feeling is mutual, but this can happen between any two people at any time, so don't put the blame or any pressure on yourself, there will be someone out there who idolises you and it may come at the most inconvenient timing, that doesn't matter because it may be perfect.

Your priorities may change from day to day, try and balance them up at the moment because what your main thought yesterday may not be the same today, but understand how you are feeling and hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.

[Molly23]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your comforting words and your suggestions to join activities with mix genders. Being a little introverted doesn’t really help me but I will push myself to get out there.

I’m sorry for your loss. Life is full of ups and downs. I’m trying so hard to live my life to the fullest and sometimes being sad gives me relief.

Thank you for your kind words.

[Molly23]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your kind words.

I fell in love with this guy within 1 year. He’s genuinely a nice guy and we prioritised and took care of each other well. I guess I’m just not good at reading him. The break-up did bring my self confidence down because I’m not really sure what caused him to doubt us and he hasn’t been completely honest and that’s probably because he doesn’t want to hurt my feeling.

But you are right. On top of losing him, just like my title, I do feel anxious because I’m not where I would like myself to be at this age.

I hope someday, I get to find my idol because I have a big heart and I have a lot of love to give.

Once again, thank you for reading and replying to me post.

[quirkywords]

Molly,

I too welcome you to the forum.
Years ago my title would have been

40 married, 3 kids, still married but who am I.

Within 2 years I was separated.

So I was the opposite to you and still seeking something.

By 40 I thought would be head of a company or a leading academic, but I spent most of my time taking children to school and make dinners.

sometimes we want what others have and they may want what we have.
I think maybe we need to like who we are and be grateful for the good things in our lives.

I hope you find what you are looking for but also enjoy the journey.

[pgsc]

41... I remember that, so long ago....
Check with centrelink - even if you do it via the Salvos or similar. If you're a single mum, there is a mountain of federal, state & charity support available to you.

Be happy you're not a single dad, then you would be seriously discriminated against by all levels of gov't.