4 Year Relationship Breakup

[rachelg12]

I dont even know where to start. My ex and I are both 21. We fell in
love when we were 17. He was my first boyfriend and first love, and I
was his second relationship (he dated a girl for two years in high
school). Since the beggining of our relationship it has been a cycle of
breaking up and getting back together. In the first two years, it was
because of his weed addiction, which i was not ok with. He would quit,
then relapse, break up with me, hate his life, then come crawling back
after about two weeks, and I would always let him because I loved him.
In the most recent two years, weed is no longer in the picture,however
he has been craving a life that he thinks he needs to be happy. He wants
to be single and travel with his friends and even though he hasn’t said
it, I believe he wants to sleep with other girls because he has only
ever slept with me and his ex. He feels like he is too young to be in a
serious relationship and that I am holding him back from what he wants
to do.

He has said this everytime he has broken up with me, which seems to be
every four months. He lives wildly for about two weeks (clubbing every
weekend etc.) then comes crawling back to me when he realizes it doesn’t
actually make him that happy. He has recently started at a new job at
Flight Centre, where the culture there is very party orientated. Since
he has started he seems to be very influenced by his colleagues, who
encourage him to party hard and “live life to the max”. Sure enough, two and a half weeks ago he broke up with me, saying that
his heart wasn’t in it anymore and that I was holding him back. I took
it very well and told him i understood and just wanted him to be happy.
When he left i broke down in tears and I have been absolutely shattered
since.

I kept telling myself its just like every other time, and he will come
back, but its been nearly three weeks and I havent heard a word from
him. I havent tried to contact him because I know he needs space. I miss
him so so much. I found out from a friend of a friend that he joined
tinder the day after we broke up and has been talking to many girls on
there. I found out last night that he went on a date with a girl, and
took her to my favourite spot by the river. I am so devastated. I dont
understand what is going through his head or how he could forget about
me so quickly. I dont understand why he isn’t upset, or why he doesn’t
miss me. Do you think he will still come back this time? I really want
to fix things 🙁

[lizzie50]

I have heard from him 3 times, a phone call telling me i ruined his life and he doesnt care about me anymore. Then i got drunk and left him a voicemail and he texted me the next 2 days saying please don't leave me voicemails I've asked you to leave me alone forever. As i can't reply cause I'm blocked its very cowardly of him cause he doesnt want to deal with what his done to me and face reality. I often get missed calls from unknown numbers too, i wish i could speak to him and him tell me he loves me and stuff. I just have to believe he does otherwise it feels like a lie. I have lots of faith too, he has shown so many signs he isn't good but then i remember all the good about him and thats why i fell for him. Ultimately i have to remember i didnt do anything wrong, as much as he would like to blame me i didnt. He couldn't commit to me and said I'm not ready for this serious relationship right now and hopes ill be around in a few years, I'm not putting my life on hold but ill always have hope for us.

He could be doing that as a coping thing, trying to distract himself from the hurt of you breaking up. I know mine told me once when we weren't talking he slept with another girl and regretted it cause he thought it would make him forget me but said it made him realise how much he loves me. Its not the greatest way to realise that obviously.

Im in the mind set now of giving him his space, he has a lot of issues mentally and emotionally and family problems at home. He will never replace me, cause no one is ever gonna be me and his not gonna connect that same way again. Ive gotta let him experience life and make mistakes and hopefully realise I'm the one for him.

Have you heard from him?