Triggered by actions. Reliving Trauma.* Potential Trigger Warning *

[ABC01]

Hello,

4 weeks ago my beloved cat was killed by my next door neighbours dogs. They had dug under the fence and I found him dead. We followed council laws and our property was safe for him,but the dogs dug under the fence and we didn’t see it coming. For 2 yrs we have lived next to them and everything was fine.  When I found him I lost it screaming hysterically. I can’t get that image out of my head. The look on his face. The fact that it was just another normal day for us like the last 3.5 yrs,and now he was dead infront of me and in my arms.

 I haven’t been okay since. I have spoken to mental health professionals and am being treated for a variety of things. PTSD being one of them.

I keep getting triggered by my own dogs, who had nothing to do with my cats death. I understand that. My cat was raised with our dogs and they all got along like family. They loved each other. However now,when my dogs pick up their toys and shake them in play, all I can immediately think of is my cat. My mind freezes,my body feels a flush of dread,it stiffens up and pain goes through my body.My teeth clench and my neck stiffens to the point my head gets a sharp headache. I understand that my dogs are just playing with their toys. There isn’t anything violent about it, just play. But my mind still goes there.

Does anyone have any advice on this?

Thank you for any suggestions.

ABC01

[ABC01]

Dear sparrowhawk,

Thank you for validating my feelings. The loneliness and lack of support can be isolating. But a little bit of validation can change the moment I am in.

Crying is such a complex thing for me right now. It is an emotional release, but I have been taught not to cry in my upbringing. That it can leave you vulnerable to people up to no good. That if you cry, you are alone and no one will be beside you to comfort you through it.

In grief I have always told myself, cry, when and where I want to. However I am also scared to cry right now as I don't want to have a panic attack.

I do have someone outside of home to talk to. However I need to make sure I don't overwhelm them, in their own life.

Thank you for replying again. You have been very kind.

ABC01

[ABC01]

Dear useraip,

Thank you for the technique. I will write it down and give it a go.

I am also sorry to hear of your experience and hope you are looking after yourself.

Thank you for reaching out. It means alot.

ABC01

[sparrowhawk]

Hi there ABC01,

You are welcome. You’re right, loneliness and a lack of support is very isolating. Especially if we feel like no one understands, we have no one to talk to, or we need to keep putting on a mask. I am glad you’re finding it helpful to talk about it here.

What I hear you saying is that you feel at times that you want to cry, but your conditioning from childhood steps in and tells you that it make you vulnerable. And you’re worried that you may lose control once you start crying and start panicking. Those sound like very strong feelings. Are panic attacks something you have been dealing with since you lost your cat? 

I am glad you have someone to talk to. If I can share something from my own story: I had similar feelings to you, about overwhelming someone with my issues. They said to me: I decide when I’m overwhelmed and what’s too much for me. And that gave me some insight. Do you think you would want to talk to this person about how you’re feeling?

Thinking of you.

sparrowhawk

[ABC01]

Thank you sparrowhawk,

That is a very valid point about letting someone else tell you when they have reached their limit. I will keep that in mind.

Yes I have had panic attacks since his passing. It has been nearly a decade since my last one. In the last few weeks, I have experienced two in the same day. And my last one was about a week ago. I have let my mental health professional know of them too.

I am very afraid if I cry that I will lose control and panic. Especially if I am not at home too. I am generally afraid I am going to lose emotional control if I go out in public. I don’t care about other peoples perceptions or reactions, I am afraid of how I am going to get back in control of myself. And that I maybe more vulnerable physically after it and still have to get home. I understand the need to cry as an emotional release and am not afraid to cry in grief. But at the moment I don’t just feel sadness and loss. I feel anxiety,stress, tension,frustration and trauma. I am hyperactively aware and peaked.

Thank you for sharing a piece of your story with me.

ABC01

[ABC01]

Dear all,

 I won’t go into detail about my trauma,but today I was out in a safe public place with my family and something I saw(wasn’t anything exaggerated or hypersensitive or alarming to others around me) gave me a strong flashback.

I felt my body recoil and then I removed myself from being near the place that set me off. My mind swirled with panic at not wanting my family to see me upset or distressed. I at the same time wanted to tell them I was having a moment,but didn’t want to ruin the fun we had been having.

My question to others is: What can I do either physically, mentally or emotionally in a moment like this again in the future?

Thank you for any perspective.

ABC01

[Croix]

Dear ABC01~

Having flashbacks are horrible and it can be a sense of comfort to know that you are having one (or I find so anyway). I do not have many now.

I carry a small object with me (it has other uses as it holds my sweeteners )and I try to exercise my senses on its shape and texture. In fact concentrating on each of the five senses in turn can help, as can practicing mindfulness and slowing breathing

There is quite a sensible set of detailed suggestions here

I would suggest you do tell your family at the time, support or at least understanding  can make life easier. As an example watching a particular movie gave me a flashback and as soon as I could I left the cinema crying. My partner was not unduly alarmed as she know what was happening and followed to give support.

I hope this is of some help. please let me know

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hi ABC01 and wave to Croix,

There are a some articles online by psychotherapist Pete Walker on flashbacks that may be helpful. If you google “Pete Walker Complex PTSD” you should see his website. There is a list of articles on the left including “13 Steps Flashbacks Management” and a couple of others on flashbacks. I just looked at Croix’s link which is helpful too. Pete Walker’s site is specific to Complex PTSD, so the Sane link from Croix may be more helpful if what you’re experience is more like a PTSD response than Complex PTSD.

I agree with Croix that it would be good for your family to know and understand about your flashbacks, if they are able to be supportive. I know that family may not always understand and I could not safely share such info with my family of origin. But as long as it feels safe to do so, it may help them be more aware and understanding of your experience. It would be great if they understand what is happening for you in such moments as that human connection in the present can help to bring you out of the flashback.

I ground myself in nature a lot and have nature places that are very special to me. It can sometimes help to provide a sense of safety by recalling the feeling of connection I have when I am in those special places. I also find just noticing the sights, sounds etc around me can bring me back into the sensory world I am in now and pull me out of the flashback. Feeling your feet on the ground or the chair you are sitting in can help.

One of the most helpful things of all I have found is patting a dog. For example, I was in a flashback in a shopping centre and when I came out there was a dog tied up outside who was eager to interact. I got down to the dog’s level and gave lots of pats and that very quickly brought me back. If the owner is present you can always ask permission to pat their dog (and check the dog is keen for pats too) which I have done many times. They really reconnect you to the present. If there is no dog around, even remembering the present moment feeling of being with a dog can help.

Even saying something to yourself such as “I am here”, “I am real” or “I am safe” can help. I am gradually learning this self reassurance which is helping calm me when I get activated by something.

Take care,

ER

[ABC01]

Dear Croix and Eagle Ray,

 I see some benefits in having something physical with me to use if I should have anymore. Sensory sounds the most useful.

Family is a tricky business. Hard to navigate.

Thank you for helping me alot in all my posts.

ABC01

[Eagle Ray]

Dear ABC01,

For some reason when I posted my prior response I didn’t see your original post. I am a bit confused and wondering if BB have merged two posts together, or whether I just failed to read the earlier posts you made?

Whatever the case, I didn’t realise the story about what happened with the neighbour’s dogs. So I hope what I wrote wasn’t triggering about dogs. I was unaware of the context. I’m so sorry that happened. Losing a pet can be just as impactful as losing a human.

Take good care and know we are here anytime you feel the need for sharing and support.

Hugs,

Eagle Ray

[ABC01]

Dear Eagle Ray,

I am confused about my posts too. They were seperate,but now they are merged.

And don't worry, I took no offense.

Thank-you,

ABc01