T.W. Sexual Assault - seeking advice 💞

[destlomby]

Hi everyone,

I was sexually assaulted in 2019 by someone that I was really close friends with. Nobody in my group really liked him but I was always really nice to him because he would tell me that he was upset about not having friends and that he was feeling really left out. I had a free house and I invited him and some of my other mates over for drinks. I got really drunk and one of my friends put me to bed. I woke up to him opening the door to my room and I remember he came and laid next to me and then proceeded to get on top of me. I was so drunk I couldn’t move and I kept asking him to stop, telling him I was too drunk and saying no and that I didn’t want to have sex with him. I was so drunk that I was in and out of consciousness the whole time and barely remember anything. After that he continued to message me saying that I said yes and that I consented and saying that it was okay because he was drunk too. He convinced me that it was my fault and that I just didn’t properly remember saying yes because I was too drunk. I’m having difficulty getting through it and it was almost 2 years ago. I haven’t been able to be in a relationship with anyone since and it effects my sex life. I’ve tried contacting SARC but they can’t get me in for 6 months. I want to go to the police but I’m scared. Had anyone had a good experience with going to the police and reporting it? Just looking for some advice on how to move on because I’m so scared and depressed. He also goes to my school so i have to see him everyday and his younger brother is really close with mine. Any advice is appreciated 🥰💞

[Sophie_M]

Hi destlomby,

We are so sorry to hear of your experience. It is very common for a perpetrator of such offenses to gaslight and put the blame back onto the victim. We can only imagine how much trauma this has created in you and it's not fair that you have to live with the consequences. There are generally very lovely female police officers who will take your statement and a lot come across very gentle, inviting and approachable. Have you received any counselling regarding how the abuse has affected you? Do you have someone who can support you while taking a statement at the police station?

We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to anyone who has been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit  https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.  

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You are not alone and the community is here to support you.







 

[S_D]

Hey destlomby,

Thank you for sharing what you have been through. How awful it would have been going through this with someone you once considered a close friend. I am so sorry to hear that they hurt you in this way and then took no ownership or responsibility for what they did to you. It also would be so tough to still see them every day. Do what you feel is right for you right now, if you do decide to report it I recommend having some support around you e.g. a friend/ family member and even a mental health professional who could be there for you throughout the process as it is normal for this to feel scary and depressing and it would be great for you to have someone you can rely on throughout the journey. I hope things get easier for you each day and that you are surrounded by people who lift you up!

[GimZim]

Hey destlomby,

Have you spoken to any friends or family about this yet? If you have supportive people around you it could really help you on your journey, I'd second what S D said about having a mental health professional guide you through this. I think knowing you want to go to the police is the first step, it might feel hard but if you think you want to do it you probably should. I don't want to lie to you and say it'll be easy but neither is what you experienced and neither is seeing him every day.

Just know that we're all here for you whatever you choose.

[Rah33]

I reported sexual assault to the police it was terrifying leading up to it but the officers made me feel comfortable and supported.

the thing I feared the most was retaliation from offender. I’d have thoughts of him being in my house and going to kill me.

victim support Australia helped me with funding for a front fence and security cameras so I can feel safe in my home http://victimsupport.org.au/about/

although it was hard reporting sexual assault it is an important step in stopping reoffending. I did it to stop him from hurting other women

[psalm_139]

thankyou for sharing rah33.

this is something I fear as well, retaliation from offender. I am scared of what he might do.

Can you tell me how you went about getting funding for a front fence and cameras? I would like to look into this, I think it will help me.

Thankyou.