Content: Sexual assault.

[psalm_139]

Hi everyone. This is my first post. I have found these threads helpful to 'normalise' what I am going through and hear of others peoples experiences. I feel like I need to share whats happened to me and ask for help.

Trigger warning: I talk about a man who has sexually assaulted me

I was sexually assaulted a couple of times by the same person, someone I used to work with. This occurred in October 2020 after a work dinner, and again while at work in January 2021. At the time I froze and didn't know what to do. I have told my boss, my partner and parents. He no longer works at the same place, my bosses asked him to leave.

I feel like I need convincing that he assaulted me. I still sometimes think, was it sexual assault? is it my fault? how can someone be so cruel? does he know what he's done? does he know thats sexual assault?

I have been seeing a psychologist and told her and my GP. I have been approved for VS counselling. But I feel like I need more support. I am feeling so depressed and anxious. I have started SH too. Which I haven't told anyone yet.

I am feeling so angry at him, at the impact its having on my life and mental health. I am angry that none of what happened has to affect him.

I often see him at his new work or his girlfriend around the area as we live in is close. Its so hard to see and know that his girlfriend probably has no idea.

I am too scared at this stage to report to police because I am scared that he will lie, turn it on me, or say things like I wanted it to happen.

Please help, any advice is appreciated.

Thankyou.

[BB_After-Hours_Moderator]

Hi psalm 139,

You've been through a terrible experience and we're so sorry to hear it has caused you so much pain, as well as led to questioning your own trauma and whether it should be labelled sexual assault. His actions were unacceptable and it is never the fault of the victim. Telling your boss and partner must have taken immense bravery, and whatever steps you choose in the future, whether it involves the police or not, are your choice.

We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to anyone who has been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit  https://www.1800respect.org.au/

If you would like some help finding additional mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

You are not alone and the community is here to support you.

[psalm_139]

Thankyou, I appreciate your response and will consider the options you have suggested.

[Croix]

Dear Psalm 139~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here and am glad you have been able to read of other people's experiences. I hope that has helped - at least a little - with experiences nobody should ever have to live though, or suffer the aftermath.

If I'm on the wrong track below I apologize in advance, the last thing you need is half-baked theories that do not apply.

I've not been in your situation, so cannot realy even begin to understand how you feel, however I've had a couple of experiences where I was under threat and froze (I was a policeman).

Freezing is a very sensible and often the only alternative, particularly if it is a situation you are not equipped to handle.

It's just as well it is built into us as a threat response because it can be exactly what is needed.

There is a down-side later on, and I suspect that at least in part that is what you are going though. Freezing, especially to oneself, looks like doing nothing - which is far from the truth. It is simply enduring the intolerable.

However because you stayed still part of you mind mistakenly thinks you should have done something and as you did not maybe you were partly to blame.

This is completely inappropriate and just plain wrong. Sadly though these thoughts creep in and you reach the stage where you are at now -self harming.

Really it is the job of your medical team to help you reach the stage where you have no doubts, he was wrong and injured you - full stop.

May I ask if your partner and family are supportive? To be believed and have others show their care is a huge thing.

Please do tell your medical team about the self harm, it is dangerous (I won't list the dangers now) and can get to be an escalating coping habit hard to break -so the earlier you get help with it the better.

Talking to the police may seem an avenue to get justice and the man that injured you get his just deserts. I suspect it is nothing like you imagine and you need someone very experienced to guide and support you.

While I cannot advise you about this I'd suggest before you take any such steps you find out how many sexual assaults are reported to police, how many of them are taken up and investigated, how many of those end up in court, and how many of them result in a finding of guilty. Plus the mental price it takes.

Whatever you might like to say here will be welcomed

Croix

[Jojo100]

Hi Psalm 139

Welcome to the BB forums. I too have been sexually assaulted by my boss in work. Like yourself when it happened I just froze. This happened some time ago when I was 18 and not long out of school.

Unlike you I didn’t feel able to share this with anyone because I felt so ashamed. Plus he was a respected doctor and I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I ended up changing jobs to get away from him.

You are so courageous to speak up and have him removed from your workplace. Let me reassure you that what happened to you was in no way your fault. Unfortunately there are some men who are predators and will pick on someone like myself who is quite shy.

Because I froze it made me an easy target. It was his way of testing the water to see what I would do and if there would be any consequences to his actions.

So don’t doubt yourself. If you did not consent then it was sexual assault. It’s not okay and no one deserves to be treated like that.

I remember feeling angry, depressed and trapped. Changing job was such a relief for me.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Best wishes Jojo

[Guest9337]

Hi psalm 139.

If you make an honest report you shouldn't get in trouble, even if he lies and disagrees with your report.

I have made a report about being r_p_d and it took about 3.5 hours. Unpleasant process, but better done than not.

You can choose to write it all out first, if you want to order yourself, but the police will want to hear your incident report in person.

good luck. dng.