Dear new member~
I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a place where you may find others with similar circumstances.
The first thing I'd like to say is that "Addicted" has a happy ending, and the second is that in the movie the star actually does have affairs, while you simply have thoughts.
Intimacy can be a very complicated business, for instance I lost all interest and ability for quite some time after contracting PTSD, which was trauma not related to sex at all.
I'm sure it must have take some courage to talk about your experiences here, be assured that courage is not wasted. I can understand your reaction to that girl friend in the nude, and was 'blocked' from going further.
I am not a doctor so cannot say for certain your experiences in your youth with your neighbor were related to this, however I'd be surprised if they were not at least partially responsible.
I never found I was able to recover, even partially, by myself. It took professional help and an understanding partner to improve, now I'm good. So may I suggest you also seek assistance and see how you go.
This can be by an initial visit to a GP followed by a psychologist or other clinician, and is the way I went (though a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist as I had other issues too). It was actually my partner that encouraged me to get help as my behavior was very hard for her to deal with.
Having fantasies nowadays when married, working and busy with the kids may just be what many people experience, and it is not the same thing as being unfaithful if it remains just thoughts. Even so it may also be linked to past expereince and the whole thing may need to be examined as one reaction.
If you would like to start off just with professional advice on the phone or via text I'd suggest the Blue Knot Foundation, who specialize in adults who have reactions to a abuse when younger. They are friendly, competent and understanding. Even if you are not sure if you fit in this category they will understand and assist as needed.
The only thing left to think on is if you can tell your partner what has happened and is happening to you. This is a judgment call you are in the best position to decide. I was lucky in a way in that I had no choice, my partner took action and encouraged me to seek assistance.
A difficult subject for you, however talking to a councilor or on the phone does become easier as you find it can be addressed without judgment or stigma.
If you would like to say how you go that would be great
Croix
