reaching out to 'abuser'

[psalm_139]

TW sexual assault.

Hi everyone.

Just wondering if anyone has had thoughts or actually reached out to the person who assaulted them?

I keep having thoughts of wanting to scream or swear at him, wanting to message him something, or even ask him questions. I dont know if this is normal or not. I haven't seen or spoken to him since the last time he assaulted me (it happened a few times).

I am torn between feeling judged or scared to message him and wanting/needing to do whatever I need to, to help with processing, or healing.

there is an angry and indignant part of me that wants to, but is stopped by the scared part of me (scared of what he might do or say back to me).

really, I am just wanting to know if these thoughts are normal or not.

Thankyou

[Guest9337]

Hi psalm 139. I've had many thoughts and feelings about the perpetrators. One thing a friend did in a similar situation was to write out a letter to the perp saying exactly what they wanted to say, and then they safely burned the paper.

A symbol of moving on might help you quite a bit.

love dng.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi psalm139,

I'm really sorry to hear about your assault experience. Hopefully you're doing alright at the moment and living a happier life without the person who hurt you.

dng made an excellent suggestion; to write down whatever you want to say to that person and then destroying that letter. Your feelings of anger and indignant are valid, because of what that person has done to you, and they don't deserve your forgiveness for causing an extensible amount of damage to you.

Instead of lashing out on them, which objectively won't do any good to either you or the person who have hurt you, we can seek peace and closure through forgiveness within ourselves, and move on. To the people who have hurt you and don't deserve your forgiveness, there's nothing else much to be done, except move on and enjoy life without them. Another way of looking at it, they are not worth your time.

Hope that helps psalm139

Jt

[Guest9337]

Perhaps some words from the bible will help you psalm 139?

Psalm 10:14 But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.

John 14 :27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Romans 5: 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Job 42 : 10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.

Thanks for reminding me of these wonderful words. dng.

[psalm_139]

Thankyou dng.

I really appreciate those verses. reminds me to take comfort in god and those promises in the bible.

I know writing a letter would be good. I will do that eventually. my psych has suggested that.

thankyou.

[psalm_139]

thankyou jt.

youre right - totally not worth my time.

thankyou.

[Guest9337]

If and when you choose to write that letter consider your words from both an old testament and wrathful perspective and a new testament loving perspective.

What would you write to vent out of you?

What would you write to put into the perpetrator?

[Guest_1055]

Hello,

I am really sorry that you have been hurt in this awful way. It was so very wrong of this person to do that to you.

You have every right to feel angry at them. And scared also. They are valid emotions and feelings.

This may not be the norm on Beyond Blue. But I believe with my whole heart and it is the word and will of God. Is to chose to forgive them. It is not saying that what they did was wrong, because it was extremely wrong. Wrong done personally to you.

But I have been learning its best to forgive those who hurt us. Reason being in starts the healing process in our hearts and soul. God knows what is good for us. He wants to heal you. Also such extreme wrong done to us... well its not easy to forgive that person. That is when you can ask God to help you forgive them.

Again I am so sorry you had been hurt in this way. Take care

[geoff]

Hello Psalm, all good comments, my understanding is why even bother, this doesn't stop you from writing a letter to air your grievances, but if you send this off to him, this is only going to make him feel stronger in one way or another and quite pleased to hear back from you, don't give him that satisfaction, if you believe in karma, then his day will come.

Protect yourself and if you send it to him, it may make him feel as though he has still beaten you, because he won't agree with what you have said.

Please take care.

Geoff.