I just feel so lost.

[TheDkid]

This is my first post so I apologise if it doesn’t make much sense.
In February 2020 I was a victim of an armed robbery at my workplace. I was held at knifepoint by a man who was demanding money. The whole thing lasted 4 minutes. The feeling of the knife against my throat will last forever. The offender did get arrested after being on the run for 5 days and there is a trial set for the end of this year. This is not the first trauma I have been through but Ive lost a lot. I lost my job and while I was only working 20 hour weeks and getting paid the minimum, I liked it, I made friends with the staff and I knew my way around everything, although my boss was horrible to me and offered no support after learning of the armed robbery because he wasn’t in the country at the time. I disconnected with my friends and now only have one close friend. I don’t leave my house and it has caused conflict with my family who also live here. I struggle with sleeping and shutting off my mind. I don’t make art anymore and the thought of that makes me feel pathetic. My family want me to get another job now and I haven’t told them but the thought of a new job terrifies me. I just feel like this is the new me. That I will always feel this unmotivated, depressed way because I’m comfortable feeling like this. I have had thoughts of why am I still here? Why do I need to keep putting myself through this when only bad things happen. And it’s hard. But I do want things to change.

[Gabs_]

Hello TheDkid,

I am so sorry you went through that - it sounds like such an awful and traumatic experience. It also sounds like you maybe didn't get the support you needed and the event is continuing to have ongoing trauma for you.

Can I ask if you've seen a psychologist or spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? You have gone through a life-threatening and traumatic event, so it's completely understandable for you not to be coping. And that is completely ok.

Have you been able to express to your family about how you are feeling? Maybe if they knew the ongoing impact it has had to your mental health, they would be more sympathetic?

You can get through this - unfortunately, these things take time (which sucks) and you need to make sure you are putting your mental health first. I think having a conversation with your family and medical team about the possibility of PTSD might be a good first step.

Have you managed to tell anyone how you are feeling?

Sending you a big hug,

G

[Sophie_M]

Hi TheDkid, 

We're so sorry to hear that you're struggling. It sounds like you're going through a lot, and it's not surprising that it's been difficult for you.

We hear that you're feeling disconnected and lost, and we want to reach out and tell you that you're not alone, you can call us at any time of night or day on 1300 22 4636. You could also call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or use webchat here: Beyond Blue, Lifeline.

We're really glad you could share here, and we hope it brings you some comfort. Please know that our community are here to listen and offer their kind support to you during this difficult time, and you never know how your story might inspire and support someone else who is struggling, to share.  

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Guest9337]

G'day TheDkid,
You are here because you made it through alive.

You are in fact an alive healthy human!

I've been in a similar situation as you. Very unpleasant stuff.

You body is reacting to "trauma". Google for "trauma informed care" for people trained in working with victims of crime and to become more acquainted with the topic.

The Living Human is in fact a victim of crime in a work place and should be supported fully by the work place, the police and associated people. Check up on "victims of crime" support in the Australian legal system please.

Good things happen too! Yeh mate, good things happen all the time.

It's good news that you posted here!
Sincere regards and love dng.

[TheDkid]

i was referred to a counsellor and gp by victim support. Am doing EMDR. 4th session in. Really unsure on it.
counselling has been great and the emdr therapist is okay.
my family aren’t the most open people to mental health. So it’s hard. I have tried multiple times and they think it’s just “you’ll be fine” type of thing

[TheDkid]

Hi Thankyou so much for the support and help. I did get put through to the victim support and I got connected to a woman who helped huge. We talked about the next steps but then it kind of just fizzled out and there’s not much to do now but wait for the trial. I get that good things happen tooI just kind of feel like I’ve had more bad than good. But honestly I’m glad ive come to the right place for support because it’s made me feel some relief in the matter so Thankyou

[Guest9337]

Yo TheDkid.

I'm glad to have helped somehow. If I may offer, your family who say you'll be fine types of things, sweet at least they are hoping you will become finer about life. hey.

But, those closest to you and yourself, need to understand that trauma responses are not just all in ones head!

People should understand that we respond to trauma across wide fields, physical, emotional, psychological, behavioural. For example a pounding heart beat is not a mental health issue, it's a physical response to being physically assaulted. Not wanting to go to that work place again, is an emotional response and a fair one too!

Please educate those near to you about this, it will really help everyone.

Trauma - reaction and recovery, on the betterhealth vic gov website.

love dng.