PTSD - Confused, I just cant understand why this is destroying me 25 years later???

[Great_Dane]

Hi, I've been a member in these forums for a little while but just find it hard to put into words what's happenning in my life. I had a troubled childhood where I was first hand witness my mothers multiple suicide attempts, but the next day life just seemed to go on. Now some 25 years later I'm a bloody mess, I dream about one incident particularly a lot, I think about it many times a day and I just cant handle anything remotely stressful anymore. At the drop of a hat I get angry and anxious. My days are spent in my house and I leave to drop & pick my kids up from school and thats about it. I can't work, I've been diaganosed with everything from ADHD, Bipolar 2, Depression & Anxiety but now my My Psychiatrist & Psycholigist have diagnosed PTSD but is it right that this can occur 25 years after the event? I had a great career, family and everything was moving along well and then BANG all this stuff started? How can that be? I just don't get it? Am I a wierd case?

[CJs_mum]

Hi! i'll have to be brief here: (what I can say has already been said really) YUP.
You are not "weird" nor a "weird case", dont think that way, just take each day as it comes. Often with the birth of a child and the fact that you feel ready to open up to talk about it/tell others stuff youve never told anyone, this happens.
After my daughter was born all kindsa stuff came back for both my dad and I.
My dad is a Viet Vet who brought a lot of the war home with him , though mostly his PTSD is due to the abuse her received by everyone afterwards. The hardship my family went through due to this has carried on through the generations now, despite me trying to protect my daughter.
Now it is your turn to ensure your children have a better life! It is your turn now to find a way to fight those hard times of the past, find better in the NOW and make a better future.
By reaching out, you've shown you are NOT like your parents, you are going to be a better one, I can tell 🙂

On with good stuff! Focus on the good things and people around you. Talk more, find things to distract you too and enjoy the little ones while they're still little.
One day at a time. Eventually the "big, hard steps" will become easier.
Focus on you, look after you and your beautiful little ones.
Thanks for sharing. Keep talking with us, tell us how you're going every now and then.
Peace on your journey. All the best

[Great_Dane]

Hi everyone, since my post I've had another session with my Psychologist who I see weekly / fortnightly. We are now at the introduction to "Exposure Therapy" where I started to breakdown the event with him into pieces. Naturally it was quite an emotional session but it seems based on comments from those who are futher down the treatment path than I am that this treatment may be helpful.

I really appreciate all of the replies, it's seems a bloody tough road we're all travelling but some of us are a bit further up or down that road. I was told the other day by a man in his 60's that all this mental health stuff is rubbish from weak people, It shut me down for a few hours to be honest.....but then when I told my Psychologist about it he said "If I told him the statistics of people his age that are taking their own lives becuase of mental health he'd quickly change his comments"......so it seems just like all topics some comments are informed & others are ill informed. I'm going to deal with this, I have to for my kids sake but at times it feels like I'm running a marathon that I can't win, but maybe just finishing the race is how I need to think???

[Croix]

Dear Great Dane~

I was told the other day by a man in his 60's that all this mental health stuff is rubbish

Ha! I'm nudging 70, so tell me about it!

Seriously - ignore the idiots, they will always be with us. The people here have lived the life, have survived. So many like me have gone on into a worthwhile, enjoyable life with accomplishments.

Everything you have said points to good outcomes.

Croix

[Starwolf]

I had a good inner chuckle, reading that mental health stuff is rubbish. I was told yesterday that those who wallow in depression have no sense of humour and nothing better to do...Strangely enough, the culprit seemed to lack a sense of humour himself when I cracked a joke about his warped view on a subject he obviously knew nothing about ! You can't change the world but you can always embarrass the guilty...

Great Dane, I believe that triggers do influence mental conditions. I also believe that past trauma can continue to brew and ferment unsuspected in our subconscious while we're busy living our lives. A bit like the toxic world breeding below the surface of apparently still, stagnant waters​. At some stage some horror bubbles up to the surface and takes us by surprise.

No matter what triggered it or not, the important thing is that the damage done has now claimed your attention. Well done for taking the proactive approach. Weakness ??? I think not. Keeping those demons at bay all those years + your many achievements regardless show your inner strength and resilience. Those will serve you well on your journey of healing.

Having walked (sometimes crawled) that road myself, I won't disguise the fact it is a rocky, uneven one. But there are rewards to be claimed along the way.

You say I am going to deal with this...

I know you will.

[Shazzam]

Traumatic experiences are stored in our brain differently. Sort of in limbo until we start to deal with them.

I was far too busy coping with life and working like mad, with some very unhelpful coping strategies, for 34 years after my traumas finished. Then I had an accident and couldn't cope like previously. Everything came crashing down, including memories and flashbacks.

so like yourself I had a very long gap and now I'm having to learn to live again, with depression and anxiety and PTSD. But if I look st myself three years ago to now there's been a massive change. Massive amount of work, three steps forward two backwards at times but getting there. You'll get there too.

[Rujo]

Hi Great Dane,

Just a quick comment. Ive just started seeing a psych in Brisbane who is a Professor in his field - he deals with a lot of Soldiers with PTSD & really knows his stuff. He is prescribing a medication approved for high blood pressure BUT doesnt work too well in that respect - they have found it works wonders for PTSD. Ask your psych. about it.

Hope this helps in some small way, kind regards

Rujo

[MarkJT]

Great Dane, great to hear that you have taken that step of exposure therapy. I sincerely hope that it works for you just as it did for me.

Have you continued with it?

How is it going if you have?

And yes, it is a hard thing to go through but so worth it.

Mark.

[Guest_829]

soon as i read your post something lit up in my head because for as far back as i can remember ive been going through re-occouring events and thoughts and feelings and ive carried on and managed.recently though i was reading up on PTSD for my counselling studies and it all made sense.ive been going over an over early childhood abuse and all those crappy feelings and negative thoughts that go along with it.sometimes its in the back of my head but other times i go over and over this ridiculous stuff.from year ages!makes no sense.havent seen any family for over thirty years and i deliberately avoid any place i think they might be.i live by all these rules and guidelines ive made up myself along the way.didnt even realise this was my thing until i came across it by accident.hope your feeling better about your situation and some things are making more sense to you.its hard to put into words.

[Elizabeth CP]

I was diagnosed about a year ago with PTSD due to a traumatic event as a child. As a child I avoided talking about what happened because it was too painful & I didn't want to upset my mum by reminding her of what happened. (she was present at the time but we never ever spoke of it. I learnt to deal with things on my own to avoid talking to anyone. I managed reasonably well for decades with some anxiety when similar events occured but this was short lived. More recently things changed after a series of events brought back the memories & things which previously were fine have now become triggers.

I'm sharing this to let you know you are not alone. Sometimes the triggers are not very logical & can be unexpected.

[Kitty128]

Hi Great Dane - you are not alone!

So interesting to read everyone's posts on PTSD diagnosis.

I grew up in a DV household and watched my father abuse my mother - to the point where he threatened to kill her one night. Although scary and traumatic, I grew up thinking nothing more of it. It wasn't until last year when I really decided to take my mental health seriously, my psychologist mentioned I was experiencing PTSD. Like you, I thought how, this happened 10-15 years ago!? We then discussed that I never really acknowledged/processed what had happened and finally, at age 26, it was all coming back to me.

Glad to hear you are working through it x