Ptsd and being in a relationship

[Scooba]

Hi everyone this is my first post but after desperately searching for some information about how my ptsd impacts my relationship i thought id reach out here to people that have ptsd and are in a relationsip. Im very aware that i struggle with feeling...

Does it make sense to anyone else that has ptsd that you know you love someone (know in your head) but dont feel anything? I battle within myself constantly questioning myself...asking can it be love if i dont feel anything?

Can i shut off and feel nothing and be in love with him?

How do i know if im in love or not?

obviously i dont feel i could talk to him about this when i dont understand it myself..plus how can i talk to him say these things without completely hurting him...

I didnt have ptsd until age 25 so my relationship pre ptsd was NOTHING like the one i have now with ptsd...i dont understand my feelings or emotions and how i meant to know if im in love with him...we have been together 2 years so its not a new relationship.

I would really value anyones help who can relate or has some knowledge of where i am coming from and how to accept or understand this and know if its love or not:/

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Scooba,

Thanks for your post. You probably won't like what I have to see either but I think there is serious value in seeing a therapist particularly one who is specialised in trauma. I hear that it does sound overwhelming, but I think the end result (of feeling better and less shut off) does make it worthwhile. When therapists are experienced in trauma, they know how difficult it can be for clients - which means that it's not about making you share your story. What if you were to see a therapist knowing you didn't need to?

I don't think that that soft compassionate caring person is gone now. I think they're hiding, and I think they're hiding so well that you don't think they exist anymore. I think for you to 'get it back', it's important to understand that everything that you're feeling is not only normal - but important. Trauma makes us put up walls, to protect ourselves. If you're able to understand that and even have some compassion for that part of you that feels intolerant and cold, it will go a long way.

The other thing that might be helpful is having these conversations with your partner - allowing them to know logically what's happening and that even though it may feel personal at times, it's not. That way they're able to see all of you knowing how hard you're trying to make it all work. Croix already touched on this so well. 🙂

[Dee781]

I’m not sure I’m in the right place, but, I’ve had PTSD from 10 years ago, I have a reasonably good relationship with my bf, but sometimes (especially when drinking) I hate him, get angry with him and can’t stand him around me if he does/ says the slightest thing wrong. Am I a bad person? Or just still not handling things the way I should? I’m always angry, all the time. I wish I wasn’t but I don’t know how to fix it 😞

[Croix]

Dear Dee781 (with a wave to Scooba)~

You are very welcome here in the Forum and you have chosen the right Section to post in, which is good. It might be better if you had your own thread. You can of course stay in this one and keep posting, however if you have you own thread you stand a much better chance of talking with more people who feel similar.

If you are uncertain how then Sophie_M has explained at the start of this thread:

Forums / Welcome and orientation / The forum FAQ thread

If you get stuck please sing out.

Now I'll mention that when my PTSD was at its worst I was a very angry person, said things that nobody should and felt frustrated at myself and sorry - but out of control -after.

So it may well be your anger is a symptom, as it was for me. Unlike you I did not drink, which probably made my reactions less extreme than yours.

Can I ask if you are under treatment? A psychologist or psychiatrist, meds and therapy? without these I simply would have kept on getting worse.

If you are under treatment I suggest you talk the anger and the drink over with them, if you are not then now would be an excellent time to start -a long appointment with a GP is as good a way as any.

Anger can do so much harm. As a first step may I make a suggestion? No matter how furious you become, even to the hate level, NEVER say anything that cannot be taken back or hurts too deep. You do permanent damage that way.

To give you a couple of examples - that do not apply to you or me, I'd never say "I'm going to divorce you" and if my partner was overweight (she's not) then I'd never call her a "fat so and so".

That takes a fair bit of self control, particularly if your BF has no hesitation in trying to say things the really hurt - maybe a pact between the two of you?

I also wonder if you have explained how it feels when you need space?

I could say more, but I guess that is enough for now

Croix