ptsd and abuse- idk how to talk about it

[idk_123]

hi this is my first time doing this. 

But my dad had many different mental health problems and when he refused to take his meds by the time i was 2 he changed completely, like he was a sweet man that didnt like conflict. then  up one day  he was apparently in a state of psychosis. and i dont really understand different mental health terms but he was also schizophrenic and bi-polar. till i was about 7 my mum and baby sister and i lived through this and fast forward many years later i still get nightmares and i dont know how to handle a lot of the things in my life. my mum likes to bring up if we are in an argument that  remind her of him and this hurts cause i remeber him as abusive and scary. i never know how to handle being told that. i guess i just want to know if anyone else gets what im saying? 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here in the Forum, it is a place where you will find others that do understand.

You said after you became two your father changed, up until then he was pretty good and lovable, but he changed becoming someone with mental health issues that very much affected the way he behaved, and you had at least 5 years of this with him being abusive and scary.

Things were so bad may years later you still get nightmares about them. You of course have not had the luxury of normal family life and as a result could find it difficult to have one yourself. Without an example things become difficult.

It's a pity you argue with oyur mum, and I'm sure being compared to your father would really hurt, partly becuse it reminds you of a horrible past, and maybe wondering if you have a bit of him in you behaviour (my apologies if I'm on the wrong track).

You already know children need a stable and loving family life , something you sadly did not get. Perhaps it is a case that partners need exactly the same thing, and you mother did not have that either, something that may have affected her deeply too.

Under the  circumstances arguments can become designed to hurt, which may be happening here.

If after all these years you are still suffering the effects I'd suggest you could go get some assistance to make you life better and less ruled by the past. If you have not already done so can I suggest you contact the Blue Knot Foundation which is expert with adults that have had an abusive  life in their younger years and offer counseling and advice

I hope you feel like coming back again you, will be welcome

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Idk_123~

Thanks for 'liking' my reply to you, I guess there must have been something in it that you appreciated.

You did mention when you have arguments with your mum she brings up about your father, which hurts a lot. It is no use suggesting not to argue, that is pretty likely to happen in most families anyway, however it does not to be as bad.

As an example I have an agreement wiht my partner that has worked for many years. While we know we will argue we NEVER say anything that cannot be taken back -such as threaten divorce, and also NEVER say anything that is simply designed to hurt. As an example one would never abuse a person saying they were fat (especially if they had a weight problem). This could be terribly hurtful with long lasting effects

Now the examples I've given do not apply to you and your mum, however I'm sure you get the idea. Do you think this is something you and your mum can agree on?

Croix