Post therapy session struggles

[Supermum]

I’ve been in therapy over 18 months after falling in a heap 4 years ago. My psychologist has been doing schema therapy with me and we have been doing chair work etc . The sessions can be very overwhelming and triggering and I struggle enormously with the after effects of these sessions. My psychologist is aware and helping to find ways to work through my difficulties but my time with him is coming to a close as it’s with the public health system so I have to find a new psychologist which is daunting and anxiety provoking and I just feel like I just cannot manage all this on top of the constant reel  of traumatic memories and invasive  thoughts mixed with the guilt and the punishment thoughts it’s just a bit much . Any other experiences like this and ways to deal with the after effects of therapy etc would be helpful 

[Croix]

Dear Supermum~

I don't know enough about your circumstances to give an intelligent answer, I've been lucky and not had to deal with that particular problem. I can suggest as you are seeing your new psych the day before it might be a topic you can bring up. May I ask why you believe you need dextox?

I've been led to believe overuse of alcohol can best be assisted both by treating the very real effects of addiction, and also by addressing the root cause that led to it. Not easy but possible.

In general detox establishments can be expensive, may give a person a break and some techniques that may help afterwards. They may also recommenced medication, however that is something the person's  prescribing doctor  would need to discuss with them.

You sound like you are thinking about some sensible decisions and I'd be interested in what you decide and how things  play out

Croix

[Supermum]

Hi, 

unfortunately I drink to dampen life and to switch off ( detached self soother ) not something I’m proud of and something I struggle with controlling. So a 2 week stint with twice daily group therapy and medication to help with the effects of not drinking. To try and start with a clean foundation in which I can hopefully with the support of my new psychologist et Al I can build a healthier happier and fulfilled me. I hope …. I cannot continue on this route as I don’t feel ok 90% of the time. I need to stop trying to rebox my past in a desperate attempt to move forward as this isn’t working but I am so scared about delving into past things as it brings about reactions and emotions and post therapy struggles that I find it hard to

endure despite listening to all the advice and support this post has given me . 
it feels like frying pan Vs the fire ! And I don’t want either of them ! 

I just want to feel happiness , properly , not just pretending with a smile and being silly and acting the part . Whole and full filled , not empty and alone . 

Lx 

[Croix]

Dear L~

No of course you don't want just to have those two choices, and you are right you cannot put the genie back in the bottle and successfully pretend the past never happened, plus nobody should have to feel bad 90% of the time.

It may well be your new psych can devise therapy that is not as intense or has longer breaks so that your  reactions in and after sessions are not as overwhelming or upsetting.

I've had a whole raft of part experiences I wanted not do endure again and again, and one of the ways I coped as I slowly improved was to find ways of taking my mind out of the loop of thoughts. I used to find once things started they would not stop.

I can suggest a free smartphone app I still use, called Smiling Mind. It does take practice but it is worth it. It has exercises for just about everyone, including me who has a short attention span. After using it my chain of previous thoughts is broken and for a little while I feel calmer.

By itself htat's not enough. I use that calmer period to launch into something that will amuse or distract me. And that can be anything from exercise to TV shows, comedy to books or talking wiht someone about ordinary matters. I guess you can find things yourself that suit you.

Once you have a little control over thoughts it gets better. The hard part is getting htat control which is where the practice comes in. I hope this technique can help

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app/

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hi L

I’ve read and watched quite a few things by the physician Gabor Mate who spent a number of years working with people with addictions, including alcohol and drugs. He has a really compassionate understanding of the trauma that underlies addictions. He could see that people turned to such addictions when they did not have the internal resources to cope and, importantly, the fact they didn’t have the internal resources to cope was not their fault. Reading your earlier post about the psychiatrist telling you that you have the tools to cope now made me think of this, and it sounds like you are not being heard when you are saying you are not in that place yet.

You always post with a lot of clarity about what is happening for you, and it seems like you are trying to convey those insights to mental health care professionals but they are not quite meeting you where you’re at. Ideally you want to find a situation where you can collaborate with a therapist where they can see where you’re coming from. Obviously we need to take responsibility for ourselves in the process of therapy and grow and learn through that process. But if you are fairly consistently feeling not ok 90% of the time it may be that a bit of a different approach might be necessary.

 I know you mentioned the struggle with going into trauma stuff. There are some approaches that don’t involve going over past traumatic experiences. Some approaches work on healing the emotions of the inner child - the effects of trauma rather than reliving the trauma itself. And then sometimes, as Croix says, we need some distraction from trauma stuff all together, such as via the Smiling Mind app he mentions, which might help launch us into other activities that give us a break for a while.

 I hope the group therapy is helpful. Sometimes it helps being with people going through similar processes and knowing you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi again L

I was just watching a YouTube clip of Gabor Mate explaining the relationship between trauma and addiction with illustrations. He looks at how trauma recovery happens through reconnecting with ourselves. We can lose this connection through trauma which he defines, not as what happened to us, but what happened inside of us. It was a process of disconnect that can be healed and has often involved some kind of rupture in our early attachments and our relationship with our self.

The clip is called How Childhood Trauma Leads to Addiction and is a 9 minute summary of how he understands this process. I just thought I’d mention it in case it helps.

[Supermum]

Thank you 😊 I will look into this app 

L x

[Supermum]

Hi ER , 

thank you for your reply . I’ve heard of this gentleman and watched the wisdom of trauma and found it enlightening and validating. I shall have a look for the one you have suggested too. 

My new psychologist has taken a much more nurturing approach and doesn’t intend on ( not yet anyway) in doing any reliving of trauma as she feels thankfully that this is just to confronting. She us working on getting to know my protectors and understanding what specifically triggers them and working with my inner child as you have mentioned and so far it’s been a far less triggering minefield which is made me feel less overwhelmed and able to manage day to day much easier. She says she will still push at times but at my pace.  I like her and she also shows me quite a vulnerable side to her at times which makes me feel less threatened. 
I told my psychiatrist that his comments were not helpful or true and that I am actually trying to utilise the skills plus reading into BPD and trauma and learning about what might work for me or not. He apologised and hopefully we can move forward in a more positive way . 

I’ve hit a point where as before I would feel quite manic in trying to distract myself and keep my thoughts at bay with cleaning or keeping busy and almost forcing the happiness and feel good activities and now I feel unmotivated, disconnected , flat and almost like every emotion good or bad is dulled or numbed . I can sit there not doing anything just staring for an hour before feeling unproductive and then trying to motivate myself to do something . I feel saturated and as though any demand is overwhelming even talking feels demanding and too much effort . This is a different and not a way I have felt before and I don’t quite know where to go from here. I will bring this up with my therapist to see what she thinks when I next see her . 

Anyway speak soon ER and C

L

[Eagle Ray]

Hi L

I’m so glad you have a psychologist who is nurturing and able to work gently with you and in a way that’s not overwhelming. Going at your own pace is really important. It’s great you were able to communicate your feelings to the psychiatrist too which takes courage and helps set good boundaries.

 I feel I can possibly relate to the state you are describing where it’s hard to self-motivate and feeling over-saturated. For me it was like a kind of freeze-state and I can feel it starting to shift now. I had to go through a process of letting go of stuff and as that’s been happening the ability to move/function again is just starting to come back. By letting go of stuff I mean old patterns of being which were learned survival responses to the world and realising I don’t need to do them, I am safe and everything is ok.

 I’m not sure if it’s the same for you but just thought I’d mention the process I’m going through in case it helps. I think it’s possible to feel stuck for a while between previous adaptations and new ways of being. It’s ok to be in that space and just be really gentle with yourself. It’s sometimes in that lingering phase where we start to release stuff and it’s often a time for rest and self-care. It might feel unproductive but I think there’s often quite a bit going on subliminally as we process and it’s like our body knows we need to just stop, rest and let it happen.

It sounds like you are starting to feel supported and in a better place that is manageable. I think there’s often a process of avoidance/keeping busy followed by the need to feel and rest (during which we can go a bit numb at times if feeling is a bit much which is really ok) followed by the growing of a newer way of feeling/being as we heal. Just take things as gradually as you need to.

[Supermum]

A question re the critic, it bothers me that my critic is loud and when I research the internal critic or ego it doesn’t feel the same as the critic I have . This worries me ? Is my voice in my head normal or is it abnormal . Am I perceiving this critic as being just that a schema voice that constantly gives me a running commentary or it’s it something else ? It’s not my voice I hear so does this make it something else? I’ve spoke to friends with similar experiences and they say it’s their voice.  Needless to say I have struggled this week… emotionally demanding and draining and I just need to turn off . Drinking .. my friend told me I was a functioning alcoholic which I didn’t like , defended myself which felt false and hollow. Ironic. Can this happen ? When you become emotionally overwhelmed you start to question your sanity and if you research how you feel it almost feels like you are adding to the issues with the information you have researched ? Like a prophecy . You read it so it’s true ?

[Eagle Ray]

Hi L

I think it’s good to take care with what you read from internet research as it’s always easy to find things that can be worrying. I do a lot of research myself to try and understand things, but try to keep it all in perspective, see if the sources of info seem trustworthy/reliable, truly relevant to me etc.

As far as the voice of the inner critic goes, I don’t audibly hear a voice but have a combination of a thought and feeling. E.g. I might think I failed at something today combined with feeling shameful. But I now have a quick inner response of, “No I didn’t fail. I did quite well in the circumstances and I can be proud of that.” So learning to change my inner dialogue.

But some people do hear a voice. This has just occurred to me a couple of times on waking from a dream. It was a neutral voice of no one I knew. In her book Women Who Run With the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola-Estes describes this voice on awakening from a dream as like the voice of our inner wisdom, like an inner sage (I can’t remember her exact wording). In my case, the voice gave quite wise, supportive advice even though neutral in tone. Perhaps it was a part of myself I hadn’t connected with before.

 I would imagine if it’s worrying you it may help to discuss it with your psych. I recently watched the Rocketman movie about Elton John’s life. There’s a great scene near the end where he dialogues with his various inner voices that have lodged there from relationships with various people - his manager/former partner, parents, stepfather, friend and child self. It’s quite moving and you see how he makes peace with each voice/component of self. I think you can find it on YouTube if you google “Rocketman” and “When are you going to hug me?” which is the title of the clip. It might help too for when you have a comment from a friend like the one you describe.

Often our inner voices are what are called introjects from childhood - senses of self that we internalise based on how others treated us. But we can learn that our core self remains under whatever stuff others put onto us, and build up our core sense of self while relinquishing parts that no longer serve us. Introjects can be persistent of course, but with patience and care towards our core self they can be let go.

Hope that helps somewhat.