Post therapy session struggles

[Supermum]

I’ve been in therapy over 18 months after falling in a heap 4 years ago. My psychologist has been doing schema therapy with me and we have been doing chair work etc . The sessions can be very overwhelming and triggering and I struggle enormously with the after effects of these sessions. My psychologist is aware and helping to find ways to work through my difficulties but my time with him is coming to a close as it’s with the public health system so I have to find a new psychologist which is daunting and anxiety provoking and I just feel like I just cannot manage all this on top of the constant reel  of traumatic memories and invasive  thoughts mixed with the guilt and the punishment thoughts it’s just a bit much . Any other experiences like this and ways to deal with the after effects of therapy etc would be helpful 

[Supermum]

Hello ,

Yes this week has been a doozy ! I’ve spoken with MHERL tonight . Im not In  good place to the point where I need closer observation . I don’t feel safe and im drinking too much. 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi L

I’m really glad you reached out to MHERL. I hope they can direct you to some effective support/advice. Having a chat to someone on the Lifeline and Beyond Blue helplines is an option too. Just chatting with another person can help when you are feeling vulnerable. Take care and sending you good wishes.

[Supermum]

Hi ER, 

Im so sorry about my complete meltdown . My post wasn’t helpful or meaningful to be honest . 

L x 

[Eagle Ray]

That’s ok, sometimes it helps to just vent and say what you are feeling. Hope you are doing better and that you have a good week ahead 🙏

[Supermum]

So today was the last lesson. Tried really hard not to disassociate and let my protectors step in  . Felt so sad and wanted to burst into tears . 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Supermum

It sounds like you are in that space between feeling your feelings and dissociating because they are too painful. It’s ok to be in that space and if you go into protector mode that’s your body’s way of protecting you. It’s ok to acknowledge that and recognise your nervous system is putting a strategy in place to keep you safe. You can even thank your nervous system for taking care of you.

Sometimes it might help not to fight that but accept it. In that way your body starts to realise it’s safe. Over time then it might be possible to gradually open up more to feeling feelings, which in itself often allows emotions out (grief, sadness whatever it might be). Then the load lightens. The fact you felt like crying is fine. It’s ok. Sometimes it’s just really good to cry.

 I think we often try to resist what is happening in our body rather than accepting ourselves for where we are at. I still dissociate at times but I’m learning to accept myself for it, and the more accepting and kind I am towards myself the quicker I recover and stay more present in future situations. But if I dissociate again it’s normal given my history. I’ve learned to appreciate it as a survival response and that in itself often helps me to re-orient myself to the present and take good care of myself.

[Eagle Ray]

P.S.One thing I find helps if my feelings are too much to feel is creating my own imaginative games in my head. I’ve often done this when going to bed at night. It’s a way to step out of rumination that is emotionally charged. I might try to see how many animals I can think of for each letter of the alphabet, or countries, cities or towns. I might create an imaginary shop in my head selling different items. This might sound either crazy or uninteresting, but it occupies my brain and it’s often how I get to sleep. In the social section of this forum there are word games and other games that I think form a similar function for people. It kind of gives a focus that sometimes helps us to step out of feelings that we might experience in relation to anxiety, depression, other emotions etc. It’s like giving yourself a break - creating a circuit breaker. I just thought I’d mention that in case it helps in relation to those times where emotions are overwhelming.

[Supermum]

thank you 🤗  your response gave me clarity and enabled me to just be a little kinder to myself and not try to fight the protectors as if they were an enemy and a threat which they always feel like.  As you said just yo allow yourself to just sit and relax and let things pass. I just didn’t want the last session to have me switching off .  One day I hope these bloody protectors won’t feel the need to step in so much . 

I like that idea ! I will try it . Normally I get up and clean or do something that just deflects my thoughts but sometimes it’s just a little too much of a roller coaster . 

L x 

[Eagle Ray]

Oh yay! I’m glad if that helps 😊

I think the protectors will gradually start to let go when they realise they don’t have to be so hypervigilant. Sometimes changes are almost imperceptible too until you’ve realised they’ve happened. If I think about myself now compared to a year ago I’ve grown massively, but on a day-by-day basis it’s often far less obvious.

Have a great weekend and a Happy New Year!

[Supermum]

The psychiatrist said to me today, you have being seeing a psychologist now for over a year so you have been given the skills to cope with stressful situations and not to resort to using maladaptive coping strategies…. So you need to use these skills and not drink etc,  see you in 1 month .

So therefore by his statement I'm perfectly fine.

So why don’t I feel fine ? I have the skills now. Now that’s a question!

your saying I’m fine … why don’t I feel fine