Post therapy session struggles

[Supermum]

I’ve been in therapy over 18 months after falling in a heap 4 years ago. My psychologist has been doing schema therapy with me and we have been doing chair work etc . The sessions can be very overwhelming and triggering and I struggle enormously with the after effects of these sessions. My psychologist is aware and helping to find ways to work through my difficulties but my time with him is coming to a close as it’s with the public health system so I have to find a new psychologist which is daunting and anxiety provoking and I just feel like I just cannot manage all this on top of the constant reel  of traumatic memories and invasive  thoughts mixed with the guilt and the punishment thoughts it’s just a bit much . Any other experiences like this and ways to deal with the after effects of therapy etc would be helpful 

[Supermum]

Hi eagle ray , 

My psychologist have a good relationship that I feel kind of safe to explore past trauma . We have done this once and boy was it difficult , emotional and triggering . I struggled for days after … was not in a good head space , wanted to self harm , self punish etc etc . 

I attempted to self care and give myself the compassion I needed but it’s not something that comes easily . I just wish I had someone to work through these moments with . Alas it’s just me 

[ecomama]

Hey Supermum, what are we? Pork chops? hahaha. 

You can always work through things with us and or TAKE A BREAK to centre yourself. 

I was told to do "Radical Self-care" by a Pscyh on a Helpline and we had to Google it together for me to GET what she meant. I was already having oppositional thoughts to self-care lol. 

But I did what she said. Better than religiously lol. DAILY. More than daily. 

Quite often us humans WILL have trauma responses IF we are not supported post trauma. 

When I read that soldiers returning from combat duties with PTSD recovered BETTER if they did self-care... I thought ugh I have to do it lol. 
In fact research shows the soldiers with the best healing were doing self-care before the tours AND after. 

We have a Thread on Self-care. It helps keep ourselves accountable AND blissfully shares what people are doing for self-care. 
And can include chocolate lol. 

Gratitude dispels fear and all sorts. 

We have a Thread on that topic too! 

I'm about to visit both of them now. 

Love EM

[Supermum]

Hi Em !

Ive looked for the thread of self care .. there’s a few !! And have taken more of the radical OTT self care .. this is work in progress! 
Takes practice when you’re not used to such things and self care isn’t something that’s encouraged. 

Im listening and learning however 

L x

[Eagle Ray]

I know Supermum, I hear you. I struggle with those moments too. Stuff can come up in the therapy session and then you find you are still reliving it after. I’m finding it helps to remember that that reliving is the past and it is just temporarily reverberating through us, but not the present, even though it can feel like it. It’s actually our body memory that carries these unconscious processes but as we become more conscious of those memories they have less power to unconsciously drive us. We can release stored trauma.

As EM suggests, self-care can be really helpful and you can build up a toolbox of resources for yourself you can draw on when you are in those tough moments. It can be unique to you, whatever might be most helpful. For me it is often spending time in nature, especially a favourite spot by the ocean. Also, listening to favourite songs that inspire me. Last night I even picked up my guitar that I’ve hardly played in ages. I also love photography. I have a couple of good cameras, but lately it’s been using just my phone when out on walks and capturing things that interest me.

If you get stuck in a not good head space you can always call a helpline just to chat to someone or chat here. It really helps to be gentle on yourself. I’m still learning this myself. I’m glad you’ve got a good relationship with your psychologist and you feel safe with them. You are doing really well to work through things! 

[ecomama]

Hi Supermum! Waves to Eagle Ray! We're on abbreviated terms now we're such good friends, so Eagle Ray lets me call her ER! I'm cutting to the chase and calling you SM now Supermum. Hope that's okay? 

Hey lovelies, you don't have to set major high goals at all... just the next best step is AWESOME! 
It's how Oprah did it, so there's a great role model. 

HAVE FUN WITH IT! Soon you will find your bliss returning OR growing within you for the very first time. 

It's noticing the self-care we already DO do that is fan fairy tastic lol. 
Each person's next best step is different and that's A OK. In fact it's excellent. 

Noticing: 
~ we got out of bed this morning YIPPEE! Hahaha
~ we actually brushed our teeth - what a CHAMPION! 
~ walking to the letterbox and getting the mail out - not a biggie for you? Well it was a huge biggie for me way back lol. Don't even think about it now. 

Self-care doesn't have to be a week long retreat or spa day lol. 

It doesn't even have to be WORK. 
It can actually be FUN! 
Here's a few more: 
~ saying YES to an invitation from a friend for coffee
~ saying NO to an invitation from a friend for coffee.... see where I'm going with this? 

Placing you at the centre and working OUTWARDS from there. 
Notice, notice, notice. 

You've SO GOT THIS CAPER! In fact we're all over it. 
Love EMxxxx

[Supermum]

Hi , sorry I’ve been MIA . Today I had a psychologist session. Every time we move to things / discussions or specific work on issues that are emotionally challenging I either start to have a panic attack or dissociate or generally my defensive protectors jump into action . I asked my psychologist how I stop doing the things I do as it seems to be an automatic response that I just can’t seem to get past .
I just feel like I’m stagnant and unable to move fast this … I feel low and detached and very overwhelmed and it’s reaching a point where intrusive thoughts are rampant …. I just feel so bloody stuck and in a place I really don’t like at all . How the he’ll do I allow myself to move forward , to trust the process without the anxiety 😥    

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Supermum

 This is just an idea, but I’m wondering if you could spend a whole session with the psych on creating feelings of safety. So not going into any traumatic material at all, but building an inner safe place to help you feel more at ease and grounded. It’s like a way of resourcing yourself so that you have this safe place to return to within yourself if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed or dissociating in later sessions (or outside of sessions).

There are a few things that could help, but the best things for you will be unique to you. For me there are certain places in nature I love and feel safe in and I can visit them in my mind and feel some calm and connection there. Sometimes I lose touch with these things and get overwhelmed as you’ve been experiencing, but even as I write now I’m thinking of a place by a lake that’s always been calming for me. There’s lots of different water birds, I can feel the warmth of the sunshine and the water is quite still.

So it’s like a way of helping your body to feel safe. Another thing I sometimes do is think of a kind person I know who feels non-threatening and has a gentle, comforting presence. Then just breathe gently into the safety of their presence. Even just looking at a photo of a kind person might help. Or even into the eyes of a pet. Sometimes animals feel safe for us even when people don’t.

So it’s like feeling safe in the body first before even trying to deal with trauma stuff. Automatic stress responses may still come up, but it’s gradually getting the body used to knowing feelings of safety.

 I get that this can be challenging. I’ve been in a very difficult place for about 3 weeks because of trauma stuff that’s come up for me and I’m trying to ease my way out of it.

Are you able to identify a few things that feel safe for you and have positive associations?

I’m wondering if there is a way to move slower too so you are not feeling under pressure. Try to think of yourself as the captain of your own ship. You get to decide how quickly you travel and which direction you go in. So an inner healer part of you gets to navigate the journey, if that makes sense?

Sending you love and support xx

[Supermum]

Ok , how the hell do I move on from my public health psychologist whom I trust wholeheartedly and still struggle to open up and move move forward onto a private psychologist who is lovely but I just feel it’s starting all over again . I feel like it’s a relationship ending. I feel rejected, alone and as though I am exposed vulnerable and unwanted. I can’t do this , this is horrendous and I am stressed panicked alone and frightened . This is not ok ….. 

I have googled what I do during therapy and I dissociate ? I think , I panic and switch off , start getting feelings of panic and can’t concentrate on what is being said . My psychologist says it’s the defensive protector stepping in and I agree but I struggle to switch this off and finish up in panic mode trunk to be calm and feeling detached ? How am I supposed to terminate my relationship with a trusted psychologist and then start up with someone new and be able to restart all this crap ? How ? 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Supermum

I have been to a few different psychologists and yes it is challenging having to re-explain things and work on establishing trust again. I think a key aspect is finding ways to comfort and support your inner child. It’s finding a parent part of you who can take care of the part that feels frightened and overwhelmed. But I know this can be really hard at times.

One thing you could try focussing on is thinking about what will best help the psychologist help you. Are you able to explain to them that you feel vulnerable starting a new psychotherapeutic relationship?

If you are in defensive protector mode and detached it may not be easy to connect with your feelings and communicate them. But you can let the psychologist know that and then you can work together on how you might approach dealing with that. Think of it as a collaboration with someone who is trying to help and support you.

[Supermum]

Thank you for your reply eagle ray . I have tried to tell him how I feel but I just start to get emotional and therefore switch off and start to panic . I just struggle to be vulnerable or to show weakness so my protectors step in , happy to assist in keeping those emotions in check . I want to say how frightened I am , that this is probably the only time in my life I’ve felt safe, validated, accepted and supported . That I don’t want this to finish that I crave the feelings of being heard and cared about and being able to be open so much that I don’t want to trust someone else . That the feelings of being abandoned is all too raw and relatable that the sheer thought of it is so overwhelming and my soul aches with sadness . 

it just feels like I’ve felt my whole life, alone , empty, unlovable and unwanted.