new member - domestic violence

[Ash_c_munny]

Hi i have never been on anything like this before but today i have hit rock bottom amd it all started a year ago when i was in a domestic violent relationship and i finally had the courage to tell someone about it amd take action

i decided to not go to work and go to a family friends amd tell them everything and the police were called and i had him charged..even though it has been nearly a year i struggle with it everyday the smallest things can remind me of tje most horrible things i had gone through i have been to the doctors alot over the past few weeks and have now been told i have ptsd this is something i wamt to be able to overcome and i just wanted to talk to people that may understand as not everyone does and it is hard to talk to them thank you to who ever has taken the time to read part of my storey and i look forward to trying to help people but also maybe get the support and help from you guys aswell

[Neil_1]

Hi there a.c.m.

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

Just to let you know, I have not been involved in any DV experience, and I am extremely thankful for that.  However, what you’ve had to experience would no doubt leave a terrible mental scar, hence the diagnosis of ptsd.  I do suffer from ptsd as well, but for a completely different reason.

The thing though with it is where our mind is so hammered by our experience that it just won’t go away and it stays with us … so in a way, it’s like the torturing still continues, even though we are in a much different and better situation.

So this is where we need assistance in being able to try quell these feelings and make them less domineering.

With your diagnosis from your doctor(s), did they then decide to put you on any medication?   Have you been set up for any possible counselling, with a psychologist?  Usually in these kinds of situations, the doctor may have a psychologist that they could refer you too.

The reminders that you mentioned are things that can really knock you as well.  In some cases we can work out what the triggers can be and that can help;  to kind of prepare.  It’s the ones that come out of the blue that can knock us.

I hope I’ve been able to mention something useful here and would really love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[pipsy]

Hi a.c.m.  I have been through so much in the way of violence both in my childhood and volatile marriages (2 that were).  It's only been a year and in that time, believe it or not, you have actually come a long way.  You are out of that relationship, he can't hurt you physically, the mental recovery takes longer because it's mental not physical.  Mental scars because they can't been, seen take longer.  My previous hubby (now deceased, but I did divorce him) used to accuse me of 'chatting other guys up' if I said hello.  That marriage was like Charles, Diana and Camilla, his ex was very much part of our lives, so he could 'chat' her up, I was not allowed to talk to anyone.  It's taken years to get past that fear of not being 'allowed'.  My parents would tell me often to 'turn that raucous music down', my radio.  For a long time, every time I played music, I used to have the radio/t.v full sound, till eventually I realised, they can't hear.  Part of your healing comes from knowing you CAN do what you like.  You don't have to put up with the rubbish anymore.  You are 'FREE'.  As you start accepting you have your life back, the nightmares will cease.  Smells associated with him will desist because you won't have him there.  Eventually, you will stop looking over your shoulder, you will stop hearing him.  Was he jailed, I know you said you had him charged.  What was the outcome of that?  You actually now have the right (if he does contact you) to order him to leave you alone.  Perhaps self assertion classes might be of some benefit to give you the sense of being able to stand up for yourself.   My ex and my parents were both physically abusive, I have learnt to 'push' that away.  Physically I'm better, I do still have occasional nightmares, but they're occasional and don't bother me anymore. 

Hope this has helped.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ash_c_munny,

Welcome to the forums and
thanks for reaching out. I'm so glad you've come to BeyondBlue and hope that
you'll enjoy being here. There's a big range of people who have been in the
same situation and struggling with PTSD as well.

I'm just wondering if
your GP recommended anything to help with the PTSD?  Even though recovery
looks different for everyone often it can really help having a support group
and someone to talk to; like a Psychologist. They can then work with you to
develop different strategies on what happens when you are 'triggered'.  

One of the things that
might be worth considering is looking at a self-care kit; basically it's a
small box of things that can help you feel calm, safe and loved.  There
might be some lotions, perfumes, cards, photos or music.  It's okay if
this suggestion doesn't work for you, but I do know that it has been really
useful for other people, as that way they can help create their own personal
space and retreat.

Hope this helps a little,