My wife is violent

[Jasman1971]

Hi 1 my wife has mental health issues and has abused me mentally and physically and emotionally for years. I have confided in a few but

never told anyone the whole truth. I told myself it would get better but has got worse. I don’t care for me anymore but am afraid for my daughter and stepson. She is a loving wife when she is good but when she thinks too much she will destroy , burn , break or smash anything she thinks will hurt me .  I want to leave her now but afraid of how she might react. My business has suffered and is not good, owe a lot to the ato due to this. I want to leave but need some advise on how to leave without sending me bankrupt.I know she loves the children but I am concerned she may hurt them by mistake, so I want to keep my daughter and stepson to protect them. How do I leave without all I have left being burned to the ground ? ..

[Sophie_M]

Thank you so much for reaching out tonight - that sounds like a really difficult situation and we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this at the moment. It makes sense that this would leave you feeling helpless and we are so glad you have decided to reach out to our community for help. You don't have to deal with this alone. It was very brave of you to share with us, and we want you to know we're here to provide as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We have sent you a private message offering some additional support and we are sure you will start to receive some responses from the community over the next 48 hours too.
Please know that there is always help available.
Please check in and let us know how you're doing whenever you feel up to it.

 

[Jasman1971]

Thank you- not sure how to reply or how I see responses but I will try

[geoff]

Hi Jasman, from what you have told us, the situation is not going to be any different if you stay or work out a way to leave.

Remember your doing this because of your daughter and stepson as well, who would undoubtedly be frightened from how she physically and mentally treats you.

I'm sorry about what has happened to your own business precipitated by the current circumstances which have unfortunately affected all of us, but doesn't make the situation at home any better.

I'm interested in what you have said ' how to leave without sending me bankrupt' as there are many implications regarding this.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Robglewis]

Your story is one of thousands of untold stories by men who are abused at the hands of women. Society is quickly understanding getting to understand that this is a real issue.

My only advice is to learn exactly what kind of mental health issues she has, so you can read up on how to best deal with / communicate with her.

And then advise the police of your intentions to exit the relationship.

It's a very difficult situation, as many men don't feel comfortable asking for assistance, especially from friends and family.

But, it's been my experience that when confiding in your very close friends, many already suspected as much, and even have had similar experiences.

Whatever you do, take action, and get your mental and physical wellness back ASAP

[samtoucan]

i'm not in an abusive relationship but had a very scary experience with a first date with a lady some time ago, we were sitting watching TV after a night at dinner having a wine when my date started to get physically abusive. I did all I could to defend myself but made a hurried exit of her house, thinking if I did anything to her back i'm gone the police will only hear her side of the incident. I was shocked and shaken by this as I have never experienced anything like this before it was so out of the blue she just snapped.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Samtoucan,
We're so sorry to hear you went through this, it does sound like a really scary and awful experience. We can imagine it would have left most people feeling really shaken and confused. If you'd like to talk these feelings through please, contact us anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Also, we're reaching out over email to offer you some additional support.

[Devine09]

Hi Jasman, I have been caught up in the past with domestic violence too. It is very easy for others to tell you to get out but not so easy for you to do it. There are so many variables to take into account that people don't realise. I am not sure where you live but I went to talk things over with Relationships Australia. They were very supportive and showed me what supports there are out in the community that could help me. I didn't have children but I think it is very important for you to also get some legal information as you may not need to move but rather get a restraining order for her to move out so that the children can still go to school and see there friends. It is a complicating situation but utmost you must think of one thing and one thing only the safety of yourself and your children. No money will ever replace either. I left with the clothes on my back, never got a cent from the divorce or anything. Just left. I now have my own home and I am safe with my two fur-babies. I wish you well but I encourage you to reach out to these or similar organisations that know about domestic violence and can help you through this difficult situation. All the Best.

[Jasman1971]

Hi , thanks for your post , I am 48 now , second marriage, my first said I worked too much , my current wife says she wants more money but doesn’t want me to go to work much at all ??? ... she is now fine , then today snapping over me showing a picture of a hard job i was doing ,I sent to a colleague in the same field , a close friend. He is the only friend I have left except my brother. My wife has pissed all the other friends off years ago. Don’t know what to do . I just sent her $1000 bucks from my company account that I can’t afford, then she got cranky and smashed a $1500 a/c unit in my shed and went to bed ??? . She gets upset because she has no money and then destroys thousands of dollars of our stuff .... hmm , gee that makes sense !!!.... I’m at a loss . She says she will burn everything???? Think she will !!

[geoff]

Hi Jasman, I'd like to reply not only to you but also to Robglewis, Samtoucan and Devine, because I have someone very close to me who was abused by his girlfriend at that particular time, she was an alcoholic and drug user and didn't have any concerns about emotionally and definitely physically harming him in more ways than one.

Unfortunately, she also involved her family and any friends that were close by, ganging up by her lying about something that never happened.

They had broken up a long time ago, thankfully, but he has learnt an enormous lesson and moved on.

Best wishes.

Geoff.