Hi Kimmys23
Emotions can definitely be challenging things, that's for sure. I've found, when it comes to working them out, there can be no need, a basic need, a strong need, a seriously intense need or an overwhelming need, all things that can be felt to different degrees. While no need involves no feeling at all, a basic need becomes niggling, a strong need can be annoying and an intense need can feel pressing. Sounds like you've met with an overwhelming need to make sense of certain emotions. Personally, I've found an overwhelming need tends to leave me no choice but to address certain emotions, so as to become more conscious of them while finding some sense of liberation.
If it helps, I once heard emotion defined as 'energy in motion' or 'e-motion'. It's about certain energy that can be felt within our body. Whether we label it as chemical energy, mental energy or natural energy, it's all energy that can be felt, which technically makes us 'feelers' (of energy). The question becomes 'Exactly what is it that I'm feeling?'. This is where it can become a little complex. For example, when someone rages, am I feeling my nervous system going into overdrive and all the chemical surges and shifts that come with such hyperactivity, am I feeling that person's rage (their emotions, not mine or maybe a combo of both) or am I feeling myself channeling a fearful part of me (such as the stresser or the kid in me that's always been a little fearful)? Could it be all those? Definitely hard to get a precise feel for things at times, for sure.
From my own experience, I'd have to say one of the key elements when it comes to better understanding certain emotions or feelings is 'wonder'. A bit of wonder goes a long way. I wonder why that person can't control their rage, why they can't manage in less destructive or stressful ways. I wonder what leads me to fear their rage. I wonder what part of me I need to be channeling in order to better manage that person's rage. I wonder what type of emotion I need to shift into, in order to feel a different and more productive kind of energy. Lot's to wonder about.
I'm a gal who took decades to finally start channeling more constructive parts of myself. While the wonderer in my might lead me to wonder out loud at someone 'I can't help but wonder why you're behaving like some abusive rage fueled maniac?', the intolerant part of me (I love her), might put an end to what it is I shouldn't have to tolerate, 'I don't have to tolerate your lack of self control. Come back to me when you can address me with more respect and consideration'. Then there are facets that I haven't entirely mastered yet, such as the people pleaser in me that can lead me to fear the repercussions of not pleasing or the harsh and brutal inner critic which I fear in the way of it dictating all the ways in which I've 'failed' at things (can be a depressing facet). There are parts of us that can lead us out of fear and into courage and greater levels of self esteem. An emotionally abusive person will never lead us to bring those parts of us to life. They'll never encourage us to bring the wonderer in us to life or our intolerant sense of self or the challenger in us or the questioner (on a quest for answers) etc. They'll lead us to suppress all those amazing facets. In this case, when there's a need to bring them to life, the need comes better late than never. ❤️
