Mother - Daughter (or son) Sexual Abuse

[Guest_2613]

Hi - I've been going to therapy and working on my healing for some years now. I'm making great progress and life is good. I have had bits and pieces of memories coming back though. They are fragmented and mostly sensory... but when I put them all together it paints a picture of child sexual abuse from my mother, to me as her daughter. My mother is quite disturbed, has a lot of trauma herself and was extremely dysregulated my entire upbringing - and still is to this day. She was very emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me. But this isn't the story that one hears as often and it's so hard to find information online. We're so used to hearing about the male abuser - I wanted to post to see if others had any stories of female abusers generally, and also sexual abuse from mothers - maybe female teachers or relatives too... Women can most definitely be abusers too - and they go about it very differently to men, potentially much more insidious. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

An extremely interesting post and request. Thankyou.

You are correct in depicting the differences, generally, in abuse by females and males. As a 67yo male I can attest to the male side of abuse from the many workplaces I attended, the threats of physical violence to mere body language (eg fist in the air). But I had a wonderful father.

On the flip side I have a mother that I've been estranged to for 12 years (I'm 67yo she 92) and after decades of emotional abuse I had to remove her from my life. Abuse included ruining my first wedding 1985 and threatening to ruin my second wedding 2011, manipulation, narcissistic triangulation, emotional blackmail and so on. It was a friend that suggested I google- queen witch hermit waif .... to learn more about her and I was gobsmacked at how she fitted into those 4 characters from the book "walking on eggshells" by Dr Christine Lawson of USA. 

Sadly my sister went the same way after many promising years of her also rebelling our mother. So last year I terminated that relationship. These were all actions by me to survive as I have bipolar/depression etc and had to rid my life of those behaviours to better survive life.

So I hope that helps and I'm happy to talk further on the topic if it interests you. Here is some threads on topics of interest.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/emotional-blackmail-surviving-it/...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/supporting-family-and-friends/emotional-blackmail-likely-extreme...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/ptsd-and-trauma/abusive-parents-and-their-effect-on-us-their-chi...  

TonyWK

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_2613,

Thank you for sharing your story, as tough as we imagine it could be to share it. We’re glad you had the strength and bravery to share this here though. 

We are so deeply sorry to hear about your experience. It is something that is not often talked about but something that is just as serious and valid. 

Please know that you can reach out to the Beyond Blue support service at any time on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach us online via our webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/   

Alternatively, if you'd like to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect they're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here: https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome 

Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story. It is a safe and supportive space to do so and we are here for you. You never know how your story might help someone else feel less alone, too. 

Take good care of yourself 💙

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[randomxx]

Hi there op and l'm sorry about the things that bring you here but l really hope you can find some help and peace some time soon.

l can't really add much to what Tony's and Sophie have said but l will say that yeah you bet it is very common stuff actually but l'd rather not go into all that further and yet though for some reason it just seems to be brushed off more so. l'd like to give you at least affirmation there though and try to remember , it's the future that really matters most now eh.

All the best. rx

[Guest_48566894]

I know this is an old post but I made an account just to comment here haha-

yes indeed I have gone through this exact thing. my mother is extremely hateful, bigoted, emotionally and verbally abusive and this year I've had to unpack a bunch of memories and trauma and realise I am a victim of her covert incest and non contact sexual abuse (contact very few times)

Not many people take it seriously because she is my mother. If it was someone's dad doing that to them he'd be locked up instantly. but everyone gets along with her and thinks she's so kind and lovely etc etc even after I've told people the shit she's done to me.

I still have to live with the thing but hopefully not for long

[Guest_09020871]

Not by a mother, but a best friend and a cousin.

I'm a female teenager and my now ex best friend would assault me and one night I snapped and she said "don't say anything and if you do just say you had a weird dream and it wasn't real" I most definitely did not do that. She left my house I told my mum went to counselling and never saw her again.

My cousin, male, assaulted me twice, once when we were about 11 or 12 and once last year. He was very discreet. I didn't say anything for a bit, they thought I was asleep. But later I said he needs to watch where his hands go because idk what else to say bc he's my cousin so I'm not gonna scream telling him to stop, didn't want to alarm anyone so I said it in a funny stupid way but he did stop so that's good.

I get you. It's not always men. And both genders are very different in the scenario. 

[white knight]

Even though this is an anonymous site its brave of you telling your story. So many teenagers will open up to their experiences to get help reading here.

Thankyou and if you'd like to start your own new post discussion by all means do.

TonyWK