Hi,
I trace my change back to 2011, I was in Christchurch New Zealand during the major Feb quake that took 185 lives and left the city in ruins. I was working at home when it struck, both my son and wife were in the Christchurch CBD. I was in shock as I picked myself up off the floor ( Not sure how I ended up there ). I remember jumping in the car and heading into the city, with no power for traffic lights, and big aftershocks causing the road to snake in front of me. I was numb and scared, I could see as I got closer to the city the destruction and smoke rising. I got lucky and got my son on the mobile and arranged a spot for pickup ( Not knowing if that was possible ).
I did pick up my wife her building was very damaged and she had some bruises, we headed into the CBD for our son, driving through none existent roads and bridges that we had no idea if they were safe.
We ended up parking 4 or 5 blocks out of the CBD and walked barefoot due to the liquefaction, we found my son in the crowd. That was the first part of my personal mission, save my family, now get them home ( This took 4 hours enduring many aftershock quakes ). I have a very clear memory while sitting in traffic looking over and seeing a woman with 2 young children in her car, her eyes were like saucers, and I had never seen that much fear ever it really upset me at the time.
Fast forward a few years and I was forever looking over my shoulder, what was out to get me, catastrophizing all parts of my life. I had a short fuse, I thought everyone was out to get me. It's a very exhausting way to live, I did get medication and time did heal but the need to look over my shoulder is a hard thing to conquer, I am lucky to have a great wife to help me step back.
I watched the 10 year remembrance on TV, it really got the emotions of the day flowing, its the sounds of the sirens that sets me off. That night I had a vivid dream that ended up with me sprawled on the floor after in my sleep I threw myself under a table so I thought.
I have been in Australia for a few years now and fresh start has helped, but the mood swings and old habits still rear their head and this week is one of those times. Sleep patterns shot, the mood is low, Not see a way forward, and wanting just lay down and not deal with anything. It will pass, but it will be back
