Just discovered PTSD

[Courgette]

Hello there,

I just discovered I have PTSD. Although I haven't yet had a 'formal' diagnosis, I'm reliably informed that what I experienced was a symptom.

Basically, I was in an extremely violent and terrifying relationship for many years which I eventually fled under threat of my life. That was almost 2 decades ago. I have avoided similar situations by avoiding relationships with men. They scare me frankly.

Then recently, I found myself in a position where I was subject to someone else's fury, someone who I allowed myself to become emotionally involved with.

What I experienced was: I momentarily blacked out. The room went white, I couldn't hear anything and my brain seemed to freeze or be about to burst, or both. Then I flew into a panic and reverted to my well-practised methods of appeasement.

Has anyone else experienced similar?

[james1]

Hey Courgette,

Welcome to the forums!

I'm sorry to hear about your past. That doesn't sound very nice at all, and I'm glad you're were able to exit that relationship.

I haven't suffered from PTSD but there are many others here who have. There is also a dedicated board called PTSD & Trauma where you can read a lot of other people's stories and join in on any of the discussions.

Is this something you're hoping to look at and see if you can do something about the experience of blacking out? It sounds quite terrifying, especially if you're already in a panic from the situation of having someone close be really angry. Medical professionals like doctors and psychologists are usually the best people to start looking at treatment options, if that's the path you'd like to go.

But certainly there will be lots of support and experience here, and it sounds like you also have quite a bit to share as well when you feel comfortable.

I hope you feel safe posting here.

James

[Guest_9809]

Welcome Courgette, and well done by coming here and discussing your story. I am probably in a similar situation to yourself, where I have only just discovered that I am likely PTSD. Although the cause of mine is a little different. I have just recently started a thread in the PTSD & trauma section a week or more ago, which you may find useful to read. Its called "PTSD Advice Sought". There is some really good advise there from others here who know far more about it than I.

And I am sorry I cant really offer any advice myself, but I spotted your thread and it struck a cord with me, so I wanted to let you know that you arent alone in the discovery of PTSD.

If you read my thread you will see that I have only just brought the possibility of having ptsd up with my psych 2 days ago. So I can relate in this period of uncertainty. Although there is one thing which is very certain - the symptoms can be very debilitating. Panic attacks and dissociation are common, so I understand what you are going through. And yes, I have gone through similar experiences to what you described.

It would be helpful for you to browse the other PTSD threads as James rightly suggested. If you feel like contributing to any of them just press reply.

You say you have just discovered that you have PTSD, but that it isnt formally confirmed yet. Does that mean that you have now spoken to your GP and/or a psychologist about it? If you havent, then please make sure you do. Dont wait, as early intervention once PTSD symptoms first appear, is very important. And its also essential that you have a good support network around you.

Its also a good idea to have the diagnoses made official.

Good luck Courgette, and I hope to see you around some of the other threads. I am myself soaking up as much information as I can find. It helps to understand why we are the way we are I think. There is also a lot of helpful information in the resources and The Facts section of the BB Website. PTSD is found under the Anxiety section.

TS xx

[Zeal]

Hi Courgette,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm glad you've come here for support. I am sorry to hear about the terrifying blackout you experienced recently.

James and Taurus have each given you great advice. Ensuring you see a professional such as a doctor (GP) is crucial. While I have not been in a situation like yours, I have had personal experience with mental illness. I've had OCD/anxiety for 10 years, since the age of 13.

That violent relationship sounds as though it was truly horrific, and I am so glad you were able to escape. If you don't mind me asking, have you received support, whether professional or from loved ones, about that horrific relationship? Bottling up the memories and emotions would be mentally exhausting. Definitely seek professional help as soon as you can. I hope you have close bonds with family members. Family helped me through difficult times, and I know this has been the case for countless others.

I hope this forum can be a safe and supportive space for you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Courgette]

Hi James,

Thanks so much for your reply. My post was a spontaneous one because I was writing a letter to the person who triggered me and felt overwhelmed.

I think I just needed validation, but now I'm here I've started to realise what a valuable resource this site is and have started reading other posts.

I do plan to seek help but where I live, there is gross underfunding of publicly funded practitioners so it looks like I'll have to wait till next year or fork out a small fortune in the private sector. I'm a strong cookie so I'm not about to crumble in a heap - and now I've found this place, it will help to know I'm not alone.

[Courgette]

Hi TS,

I haven't been officially diagnosed, no. But I attended a help group and described what happened and several others, who have been diagnosed, said it sounded very much like PTSD. I was completely blindsided by it so it was definitely something out of the ordinary. As I just wrote to James, I plan on seeking help but there's not a lot available here and everything is overused and underfunded, so I'll have to wait till next year.

I'm very glad I've joined this site though and will be trawling through it hungrily.

[Courgette]

Hi Zeal,

Thanks for replying and no, I haven't really had professional support, or family support for that matter, since I escaped. I thought I was doing okay...I'm a pretty high-functioning person. Clearly I'm not okay once I exit my comfort zone, and up until recently, my comfort zone was to avoid emotional involvement. I took a risk and look what happened.

I did go to a couple of psychs over the years while I was still in the thick of the violent relationship: one of them encouraged me to pity myself and the other made sexual advances toward me so I gave up. It seems the hardest bit is finding someone who knows what they're talking about and isn't half mad themselves.

[pipsy]

Hi Courgette. I have PTSD too, and my first suggestion would be to consult a Dr for proper diagnosis. There are various tests done to confirm this and once it is confirmed, you can take steps to control it. You could have experienced a severe panic attack, which does have similar symptoms to PTSD. With my particular condition it was caused by violent sexual abuse over many years. I can't sleep in a darkened room with the door shut. If I wake during the night and the door is shut, I freeze, have difficult breathing and have been known to fall out of bed in desperate need to 'escape'. I bought a small nightlight, so when I do wake the room is alight. If I need the air conditioner, I have an en-suite. I leave the connecting door open so 'light' is visible. We have a woman employed at the job I have. She has an extremely loud aggressive voice and has been know to display violent outbursts. I cannot be in the same room alone with her as she causes the breathing difficulties I mentioned. I also freeze. I'm lucky in that my job recognizes mental health issues and they are aware of my condition. When she is present, my fellow employees help me by distracting me so I can function.

Lynda