I think I have PTSD

[SkiitZ]

Hi guys,

Firstly, I've never spoken about this to anyone really and currently struggling with life quite badly.

I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD but I do feel like that it is my underlying issue in terms of my mental health. I once smoked some pot when I was about 16 which made me trip out quite hard and left me in that state of "tripping" for several days/weeks. I eventually got out of it and away from it and never touched drugs again but at the time I was so beyond scared and hated every second of it. It's clear it was laced with something else but unsure what yet. I was good for a few years and didn't feel any anxiety or worries about anything really but when I did I felt like I was sort of tripping a little bit, takes me back to that night and I've always been scared about feeling that way again as it was the worst day of my life. I didn't really think about it like that before but it does definitely seem like PTSD is the thing I have and struggle with. My anxiety has been HORRIBLE as of recent and feeling like I am "tripping" when my anxiety is high again but not to the full extent but other symptoms I get is my memory becomes foggy, I come to an instant panic and need to leave where I am or what I'm doing and get home asap, I feel like life is pointless and seems "fake" sometimes. Hard to explain but just wanted to share. I hope I can get a proper diagnosis soon and get the help I finally deserve because I can NOT live like this anymore. It affects my every day life, jobs, relationships and everything in between. I am petrified I will never feel normal again.

[SkiitZ]

As I was reading this back I forgot to mention that I also think it could be some type of depersonalization or derealization caused from my anxiety and what happened to me on that day because I don't really have flashbacks but I do sometimes feel the way I did that night

[Sophie_M]

Hi Skiitz, welcome to our forum, it is so lovely to have you join us!

We are so sorry to hear that you have been struggling with anxiety and that it has affected your every day life. We understand that this feeling must be very overwhelming, especially after going through such a scary situation. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you would like to talk to someone we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it

[smallwolf]

hi SkiitZ and welcome.

As you read this please know I am not disagreeing with you on what happened and how you are feeling etc. I see a psychologist periodically and twice in the time I have been seeing them I did the web search looking for answers and both times went down the wrong path. At the same from what you have said I can imagine it would be scary for and natural to want to find answers and to work out what to do?

You also mentioned this is the first time you have talked about this. Which would imply you have been holding it inside for some time. I am a dumb 50 year husband, father, brother, son etc. For too many years I held all my feelings inside to no good. I went and had a chat with my GP about what was going on and was referred to a psych for a 2nd opinion. And the rest is history.

You have taken a very big step in coming here and talking about this. I don't know if you feel ready about talking with your GP yet about this yet? Or evening speaking with a counsellor about this. All are confidential and you get the support you need. I felt the scariest bit was starting the journey. Not sure how you feel now?

Hope to hear from you in the coming day(s) 🙂

Tim

[therising]

Hi SkiitZ

I feel for you so much as this sounds absolutely terrifying. It's one thing to have a trip or get high, it's another to find you can't come out of it. I can only begin to imagine the stress and fear at the time this happened, without fully being able to imagine how intense it actually was.

Do you think it would make some difference if you were to gain a greater sense of understanding from a professional who could explain to you how you work, mentally, physically and naturally? Maybe they could give you an education on what happened at the time and go on to give you an education on what is going on now and whether the 2 are related. While I imagine the anxiety is related, perhaps what went on then and what's going on now are 2 separate things.

While the brain holds the ability to do some pretty amazing things, tapping into those abilities can happen in different ways. I know it sounds pretty insane but some people actually try to achieve gaining the ability of depersonalisation or derealisation, others access these without intending to, which is very destabalising and fearful. You may be wondering who the heck would actually want these kinds of perceptions. With depersonalisation, someone after the ability of pure objective observance would completely filter out a sense of self, in order to achieve such observation. Some may try to achieve derealisation as a way of gaining a more soulful perspective without the observing/analytical mind getting in the way. Kind of like 'reality' not being computed or calculated in all the ways our brain typically does it. The sky is blue, all people are separate individuals, every minute counts becomes the sky is simply what it is without defintition, all people are one (connected at some level), time is no more than a concept. With a shift in perception, everything becomes somewhat surreal. By the way, entheogenic therapy makes for an interesting Google search 🙂 So, you could say these are abilities unless they're creating disorder in life, bringing about unwanted hallucinations. In this case it's a whole other scary kind of story. A shift in perception without grounding tools, to bring you back to earth, can leave you 'flying high off with the fairies', so to speak.

So, why's your brain doing what it's doing is the key question. Using that key to find the answers (from the right people) may begin the process of unlocking greater self understanding in the way forward.

I wish you luck on your quest 🙂