I keep losing time and dissociating and life just keeps throwing up one thing after another

[Bobbie64]

Hi, This is the first time I have gone onto a forum so feeling overwhelmed. I am struggling really badly right now as I got diagnosed almost 2 years ago with DID. Prior to this I had a diagnosis of Chronic PTSD but this all changed when I lost my 23 year old son 2 years ago. He needed to reach out for help and didn't know where to turn and now my whole life is upside down. It set off too many memories and I have been in and out of hospital for almost 2 years. I feel like nobody gets me, well guess in a way I got even understand what is going on in my own head apart from I keep losing time and dissociating and life just keeps throwing up one thing after another. Does anyone else have this diagnosis and i guess even if not going through severe depression and anxiety would be why many people are here. How can we change our thinking to be more positive when every day is such a struggle and there feels like there is no hope. I have a really good psychiatrist, however because i moved states my sessions are by skype so it is hard to talk about really indepth stuff as it means no support as such afterwards. Does anyone have any suggestions that have helped them? Thanks

[Kazzl]

Hello Bobbie, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry we've taken a while to respond to you and I hope you're still here and reading around the forum, to maybe learn from what others have posted about PTSD, anxiety and depression.

Bobbie I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I understand what an awful trauma that is for you, and how you must struggle with memories, of him and of your past trauma.

To be honest Bobbie, I don't think I'm able to offer useful advice, other than to say that I care about you and would like to talk with you more to understand what you're experiencing.

I will say this if you don't mind. I wonder if it might help you to try a psychiatrist closer you, someone you can see without having to use Skype. Or have you formed a close bond with the one you have? And, if I may ask, do you feel you're getting good help and support when you need it, in hospital or from other professionals? DID is not a very common diagnosis from what I understand, so I hope you are getting the specialised treatment you need.

Also, do you have someone in your life, a friend, relative, caseworker, who you can turn to on a regular basis? I hate to think of you struggling alone.

Please come back and tell us more. We do care and want to support you in the best way we can. You're not alone.

Kaz

xxxx

[White_Rose]

Dear Bobbie

Hello and welcome to BB. Please accept my apologies for the delay in responding to your post. I am so sorry your son has passed away. I cannot imagine the pain this must cause you. A friend of mine lost her son in a workplace accident at the age of 23 and I saw the devastation it caused his parents and siblings.

Being overwhelmed is something I can relate to, though I suspect my experiences are not as intense as yours. Not that it matters who hurts most, it matters that we hurt profoundly and it affects everything in our lives. I had an extremely bad 'dose' of depression about 15 years ago and it was truly dreadful. Changing my thinking was not easy, especially as my psychiatrist was unhelpful.

I think I survived because I was determined not to give up. There were days when I ached with pain and believed nothing would ever change. At those times I just looked at the next half hour or hour and promised I would do nothing foolish in that time. Once that time was up I decided how much longer I could hold on and set another time limit. This may have been half a day until the next morning. And then I concentrated on being there for that time. After a while the darkness went away a little and I could breathe until the next time.

In retrospect I wonder where the strength came from. I had not long moved into a new home and knew very few people. So after work, if I felt very bad, I would go walking. This is quite funny for me because I have never liked walking for its own sake, and still don't enjoy it as a recreational activity. But it did work for me. I sat in the dark in parks or by the sea, watched stars or the lights of the port and planes flying overhead. I listened to the ocean which was soothing. These were not ways of making me well again, but they helped to soothe me and I found a little comfort and strength for the next day.

It seems to me that self soothing is something we need to learn. I had not even heard the phrase then and certainly had no idea what I was doing. So my suggestion to you is to assemble a number of 'things' that will help you to get out from under the shower of being overwhelmed.

What works for one is not the same for others. I could NOT watch TV or read and although I had started to meditate, it was a while before I could use this to soothe myself. My embroidery helped as I could concentrate on it and put these other feelings aside for a while until I was able to look at them again.

Write in again

Mary