I can’t remember what it’s like to sleep

[Slipperyfish]

I feel like I’m drowning. I am so tired and yet I don’t sleep. I’ve had maybe 8 hours of broken sleep since Friday night, but I’ve been awake 31 hours at this point in time. I’m just so tired and exhausted all the time. I’m stressed and tired and anxious and terrified all at once and I’m just really struggling to make sense of it all. Up until about a fortnight ago I was getting around 4 hours sleep a night(which is great for me). I have sleep rules. I’ve cut my coffee down. I don’t do anything other then sleep in my bed. I follow the rules. But a fortnight a go someone ruined my safe space, which is/was my bedroom, and now I feel as though I need to be on high alert 24/7. This isn’t me and I feel like I’m spiraling away and I just want it to stop and I just want to sleep.

[Ishtahandmirabi]

I totally relate to you, I don’t sleep much either. Every night when I go to bed it’s like reliving trauma I went through 10-15 years ago. I’m just tired. I’m usually up and I’ll try to check in with the posts here if you ever want to chat 🙂

[Slipperyfish]

10 months on and things are still crap. I actually think I sleep worse then before. And looking back on the original post makes me think omg I’ve been in therapy all this time and I still can’t function and sleep. Plus when I do sleep it’s horrific flash backs and that makes me want to stay awake more. We are doing processing work in therapy and I know it’s what I need to do to get better. But holy shit it’s confronting.

[Sean_S]

Hi Slipperyfish,

Just saw your post and wanted to add a few things. My diagnosis was 'chronic insomnia of a severe nature': a consequence of child abuse.

See a sleep specialist, and have a overnight study done. It's really worth seeing an expert, if you can. Getting the right help is a powerful move you can make to improve your sleep. You have a right to good help, and I hope you can find a sleep clinic to go to.

An anti-depressant with sedative qualities greatly improved my sleep. I don't know where I would be without it. Discuss this with your psychologist (but even better with a sleep specialist).

Put a lock on your door if you can (if it is appropriate and acceptable and you have the right to do so). A lock on my bedroom door allowed me to feel more secure when I sleep, as my sleeping disorder is the result of trauma and feeling unsafe. Based off some of the things you have said, it seems that an underlying feeling of lack of safety is present. I do not know your circumstances exactly, but if I could go back to when I was younger and my sleeping disorder was developing the first thing I would tell myself is to install a lock on my door so that I can go to sleep confident that it is my space. I used to even block my door with furniture.

Mindfulness based cognitive therapy for insomnia can help too.

There is no magic bullet but these things did help significantly. Discuss it with your therapist, but I hope there is something helpful in what I've said. Sleep deprivation is a really tough thing to live through. I know.