How to move on

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief.

Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant.

Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing!

I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore.

The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer!

How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

[Guest_1643]

hi Dools

i feel u

i struggled with very little progress with undiagnosed PTSD for a long time.

I had counsellors who blmed me and closed me back into my little shell. i don't think counselling is the answer for me - not that it's not helpful, but it's not the answer.

I think ur doing great and i havent read the thread so i'm not sure exactly what the criticisms are, but i think thats kinda normal with PTSD to go over the story a bit. I listened to a really cool podcast about traum where the psychologist said that ppl who have PTSD tell their story over and over and it sounds the same, the same story, but when he tunes in and hears them, each time there are tiny differences. I wander if we all need to love ourselves for those tiny differencs, the tiny changes and growth spurts we go through.

I hope i havent made anything worse and i just wanted to sort of share what i've experienced and how hard the struggle is with PTSD. Sending care.

[Doolhof]

Hi Sleepy,

Just a quick response here, dear precious, caring soul, you have not written anything that has been a trigger for me. I do need to let go of other people's perceptions of how I should be dealing with life.

I've had a few comments I have lingered over, I need to sort them out in my mind, accept they have been hurtful and move on.

Today I have done some gardening. I found a large lizard, maybe a blue tongue, in the compost heap! I picked it up for a closer look. We had mice in there as well, so I am assuming it may be a bed and breakfast style accommodation for the lizard!

Pulling weeds in the garden, I unearthed some large spiders as well. I was not so impressed finding them!

I have spent some time reading as well, a novel about a couple moving to Tahiti.

Hope you are finding ways to get through your day Sleepy. PTSD can be tricky hey!

Cheers for now from Dools

[Birdy77]

Dear Dools,

I hope you have found some peaceful moments over the weekend.

When someone says something hurtful, it can be so very hard not to dwell on what they have said and internalise it. It is also impossible to unsee those hurtful words.

You know what Dools? The comments a person posts or makes - it shows who THEY are, it doesn't show who YOU are or reflect on you in any way.

You are an inspiration to many members and readers here Dools.

Sometimes, when i wake to a dark day in my head, i think, what would Dools say here? What ideas would she have to survive a day like this?

You help many people in so many ways, you don't even realise.

You are valued.

With admiration,

birdy

[Doolhof]

Hey birdy,

Thanks so much! I greatly appreciate your kind words. I'm sure a lot of us don't realise how we affect others positively or negatively. I know ultimately I don't have to take the hurtful words or actions to heart, it can be hard to process them at times. Maybe I just need to accept them and move on.

I will accept your expressions of thankfulness for the times I have been able to make suggestions to you and others that may have been helpful with gratitude.

Yesterday was a rough day at work. So many angry people. A rude staff member was trying to tell me how to do my job. We have totally different roles. I reminded her people had to continue to social distance. Her reply was not all that nice.

I've written more, I have deleted it. Time to go for a walk.

I am feeling very emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained.

A family member who is struggling with the up coming 1st anniversary of Dad's unexpected death ( as I am too) wants to spend the day with us today. My mind is screaming at me, telling me I just need to run away. I will go for a walk and try to prepare for the day.

Thanks birdy, I greatly appreciate your thoughtful and heartfelt words, from Dools

[Doolhof]

The walk did me some good. I stopped on a small hill, sheltered from the wind and enjoyed the sunshine for a while. I took in the colours around me and listened to the birds on my way home.

I struggled to make a couple of cakes, my mind was a little scrambled, but I succeeded in the end. I forgot about one cake in the oven, it dried out a little but was still okay.

I tried to embrace the visitors and we did have a nice time together. They stated they were thankful they had come. We looked at some old family photos, some made us smile, some made us sad.

Thankfully I was able to accept how much I was struggling, considered which way I wanted my day to go and was able to make the most of it.

I also know that depression can hit really hard and is not that easy to deal with. Thankfully today was okay.

Regards to all from Dools

[Guest_1643]

hi Dools, that sounds really lovely that you were able to be togethr nad it was okay

as someone with social anxiety i know how hard it can be to expose oneself to social situations!

that sounds like a great outcome, ur awesome and strong giving that a go!!!

re the title of the thread, wht a work in progress that is, moving on, moving forward, moving at all....

i have discussed just this recently with my therapist.

i am not too sure if i can succeed at moving on. ur post was very inspiring, thank u for sharing x

[Doolhof]

Hi Sleepy,

Thanks for your comments. I hope you are able to find ways to accept how you are feelinga dn then to learn strategies to help you through the unpleasantness.

Have you read the book "The Happiness Trap"? I have a copy of the book and find it hard to grasp the concepts. It would be beneficial to have someone explain it all in a way that I could comprehend.

At the library recently I found "The illustrated Happiness Trap". It has cartoon like pictures along with the basic principles and ideas of the original book. I need to make time to sit and just read it.

The principle that we can allow, accept and make room for unhelpful thoughts that we struggle with is something I still need to learn.

Sleepy, I hope you can take on board what your therapist is saying. Moving on is a process. Sometimes we need to find the strategies and skills that will help us to do that.

I feel some days we just need to sit quietly, take one moment at a time. Make the most of each day as we can. Not always easy. Wishing you courage, and congratulating you on desiring to move on. One moment at a time.

I hope today you find some comfort and insights. Regards to you from Dools

[Doolhof]

For those of you who don't want to read about my grief, don't read this.

My Dad died a year ago today. I am going to spend time with my sister going for a walk before I have to work.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I am going to be greeting people at the door all day as they come to visit their Father's.

I am feeling sad, angry, frustrated and so many other things.

I've tried talking with my husband and he just says that is not good when I say I am sad and turns the TV up louder or walks out of the room.

I know I have to deal with my grief alone. It is just so darn lonely.

My sister in law stated they were having a breakfast celebration for my in-laws Father's Day. They live an hour away! I have to work. That will be 2 hours driving. They don't want to start too early. They won't come here.

Sure looks like we are not included in their father's day celebrations. My husband never gets up early and never eats breakfast!

I know I will survive this, it is just such a lonely experience.

[Hanna3]

Hi Dools

I'm sorry this is a tough time for you and others around you aren't being kind and supportive.

My father died a long time ago and we didn't have a good relationship anyway. Father's day just makes me feel sad I don't have a family.

I guess a lot of families won't be able to spend the day together due to the virus and lockdowns.

At least You are thinking of your Dad. Can you do something in his memory?

Be gentle with yourself. Hugs from me and little Sam 💖🌼🐾🌻🌿🌼

[topsy_]

More hugs Dools from me & my noisy dog 🌺💐🌸💕🌼