How to move on

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief.

Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant.

Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing!

I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore.

The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer!

How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

[Guest_1055]

Oh I am so glad Mrs D, you do sound much more cheery and hopeful.

xx

[topsy_]

I’m so pleased for you, Dools. May there be many more days of peace, happiness & fulfilment to come. Amen!

[Hanna3]

Hi Dools and everyone

I am just bookmarking you Dools I didn't know where your thread was.

It sounds as if sitting surrounded by nature is nourishing for you as it is for me.

Hugs 🌻💕💮🐾🏞️🌳🍁🍂🌿

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Dools, and everyone listening here..🤗

Your post is so inspiration and heartwarming...I am so happy for you and hope that you continue towards wellness..

Sitting under a tree and listening to the birds sounds beautiful and soul healing....I think in many peoples busy life, they forget that nature is there for them to relax, wind down, and to get away from the hustle and bustle of their everyday constantly busy lives....Probably they don’t even think of it, or listen to the birds, feel the sun on their skin...because they are constantly busy and don’t/can’t find that time to sit back and recover....from their hectic lives..

My very best wishes precious lady...🌹

love and hugs everyone..💜🤗.

Grandy..

[Learn to Fly]

Dear Dools,

Love your sensitivity as it really sharpens your awareness. Your response was beautifully written. I am a big fan of trying to spot all, or some at least, the good things that happen to us every day. Because they do but it’s sometimes very difficult to take a notice of them.
And what a great idea with keeping a journal with these two start ups that straight away take on the positive journey track. Well done!

Take care there.

[Doolhof]

Hi Shelley, Topsy, Grandy, Hanna, Learn to Fly and all reading,

Thanks so much for dropping by and sharing your thoughts with me and all who are reading.

This morning I was feeling quite tired and want to attend Church so have not been for a walk, I may have time for a short walk during lunch at work if I make the effort and commit to it.

Sitting in the peace of nature is so calming and restorative for me when my mind is feeling traumatised. Sometimes on a depressive day, loud head banging music and vacuuming helps!

Hopefully I can keep up with the journaling. I also know if there are days I don't feel I have anything to write in there, that is okay too. No point putting pressure on myself.

The journal has made me realise how easily my mind goes to the negatives in life and does not see all the good, the situations I can be thankful for and can appreciate.

I wish you all a day where you feel some inner peace, where you can look around and see things to be thankful for.

Cheers to you all from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hello to anyone who is out there,

My life has taken another twist. It seems our household is now in quarantine due to a family member visiting an exposure site on the weekend.

Yesterday we spent almost 8 hours in the car waiting for a covid test. We were the lucky ones, we heard one site was making people stand out in the cold and the rain with no shelter for probably the same amount of time!

I will not be able to go walking out of our property, thankfully we have a large garden so I can walk around for as long as I want and not feel restricted from being inside.

Thankfully I have put in some effort the last few weeks to try and put thoughts, plans and strategies in place to help myself. I will make a list of jobs I can achieve and also pleasurable activities that will provide a balance to help my well being.

I had to let my employer know, they questioned if I was telling the truth! Who would want to be in isolation for 2 weeks and endure 8 hour waits for a covid test, not once but also on day 5 and day 13! Let alone the loss of a fortnight's pay that will not be replaced by any Government money!

Right, the sun is shining. I will go out and wash the windows as I will be sitting here looking out them for the next 2 weeks! This is only 2 weeks hopefully. I have nothing to complain about really!

Cheers to you all. From Dools

[Hanna3]

Hi Dools

All the small towns and one big one near me are suddenly in lock down and my town is sitting in the middle of it all waiting for a case to happen. It's a nasty feeling as I've only had one shot...

I'm dying to get to my music lessons which start back tomorrow but I honestly feel like we're sitting ducks here. It's quite scary.

That was a long long wait for testing for you and now you're off work too!

We'll have to support each other here Mrs D!

Enjoy your walk in the garden. I'm going to take little Sam out for a stroll by the river...

Hugs from me to you!!! 🙂🐾🎶💟🦠💮🥀🏵️🌼🌷🌿🍀🌺🌴🌸🌾

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Dools, Hanna and all..

Sitting 8 hours in a car would be well for me frustrating and restrictive...I hope you had some good music to listen to...I’m sorry that it took so long to have a test..

I’m pleased that you can walk around your garden and get outside into the sun for a while....Do you have many flowers growing?...I love sunflowers and have tried for years to grow them without success, but I’m not giving up..I want to grow them for the parrots and cockatoos I have coming to mine daily...Oh and I found a birds nest in my crepe Myrtle After all the leaves fell off...Its a small nest, probably a sparrow, swallow or wagtail...There are always lots of them flying around here...This spring/summer I am going to watch it closely..and hope I see little baby birds...my neighbour has a nest on her outside light...I wish I could make some bird houses...I tried a few times..have you ever tried making them?...

Its really very cold here with icy winds, mostly I’m inside cleaning and sometimes playing a game called Homescapes which I like and it keeps my mind busy..

I hope you, Hanna and little Sam enjoy your time outside..

Sending you my love, care and hugs beautiful ladies..

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Hanna,

It may be wise to be as prepared as you can be for a possible lock down. I have realised now that a lock down is so different from quarantine. I am so thankful we can isolate and quarantine at home and don't have to stay in a medi hotel.

If we were not in quarantine I would still be working if in lock down as I am an essential worker. I'm trying to think of this as a holiday so will work on doing a few pleasurable activities. I have a paint by numbers to finish and multiple crafts I can do.

Hope you were able to attend the music class.

Enjoy your walks, even in lock down you are able to go out and about for a while. My Mum phoned today and stated she is too concerned to go out and was thankfully able to go grocery shopping before the SA lock down begun. She does know she can go out but doesn't want to.

We heard on the radio some people in Adelaide lined up for 14 hours to be tested! That is just ridiculous. Some people have suggested people just pee in a bucket in their car. How do you do that if you are lined up in a main street! Guess in a lock down there should not be so many people walking past looking in at you!

Anyway, we will see how we get on in the line up for tomorrows covid test! At least we will be better prepared.

Hugs to you Hanna and wishing you all the best with your region. Keep safe. Cheers from Dools