How to move on

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief.

Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant.

Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing!

I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore.

The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer!

How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy,

Thanks for dropping by, I appreciate that. I had a walk around in the garden yesterday, looking for bird nests, at the different colours and textures of the leaves and to see what might be in flower. Our garden suffered in the summer so not much happening flower wise.

Early winter brought severe frosts so some of the succulents and geranium leaves have been affected, some have red on them where they were frost bitten. Adds tot he colour and image and makes a nice photo.

Today it seems very cold outside and the wind is icy so don't know if I will go for a wander in the garden today. Might be better in the afternoon. We have a small front porch which is generally protected depending on the wind direction so I can sit out there later.

We are having our first ever home food delivery today! Thankfully a supermarket in a town close to us delivers in our region as we are past the cut off for the city supermarkets who will supply people 20 kilometres from us but don't stretch to our town.

I'm planning on a little cleaning today and will do some kind of craft to balance everything up and to look after my wellbeing.

Thanks for the love, care and hugs, sending the same back to you and hope you are managing okay. Cheers from Dools

[topsy_]

Hi Dools,

We are in lock down now too. Those people that leave places they shouldn’t & bring the virus with them!

I’m glad you can get your groceries home delivered. We’ve been doing that for nearly three years now. It is just so lovely - nothing puts me in a bad mood faster than grocery shopping! This way we carry the bags in from the front door & I unpack & put away & I’m a happy Chappy.

I hope you can fill in your time & enjoy your time away from work. Shame about no pay though.

I’ll be thinking of you, take care, T.

[Learn to Fly]

Dear Dools,

You sound so positive in your approach to the entire ordeal! So accepting of the situation and already thinking how to make the best of it. Such a way to go as many would react with frustration, possibly anger and whatever else.
This is happening and it seems to be closing up on us so this is no more only “them” and not “us” case scenario.

I truly hope you stay healthy and this is going to prove to be a necessity only.

Take care Lovely.

[Doolhof]

Hi Topsy, Learn to Fly and All Reading,

If this had happened a couple of months ago when my depression was really bad, I am not sure how I would be coping now. Thankfully I have the capability at present to see this as a situation I can accept and adapt to, the best way I can.

Today we will need to line up again for another covid test. Last time it took almost 8 hours. I will be better prepared with extra food, craft supplies, a magazine to look in a craft book. I also have a pillow and blanket so I can laydown on the back seat of the car to rest my back when we are stationary.

I am trying not to think of this as a wasted day! I am thankful we can be tested. Thankful we have food and drink to take with us. Thankful we are not having to stand out in the freezing cold, the wind and rain to be tested as others have had to endure.

Thankful we can have peace of mind and know we don't have Covid and after this we can return to work. We are both essential workers. Just momentarily experiencing quarantine.

I'm filling in my Gratitude Diary every day and looking for things to be thankful for and to focus on.

Scheduling more arts, crafts, creating and pleasurable activities is something I need to concentrate on. Housework will always be here! I might even have a bath when we get back today, it will do my aching muscles the world of good.

Cheers to you all. Wishing you all a day where you have something to be thankful for. From Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools,

you sound prepared and in a positive mood . I like the way you keep a diary and fill it with things you are thankful. I buy little books then lose them or start one and then never write in it again. thats why i write in your thread here as I can't lose that.

I hope if it is a very long wait you will be ok. Will you take something to do like craft or something to listen to.

I appreciate you sharing your experiences.

Quirky

[Hanna3]

Hi Dools

How are you going today? The towns around me have harder lock downs as of today so I am wondering how long we'll be OK here.

Raining hard today and cold! You sound as if you are being very resourceful finding things to occupy yourself with. Being stuck at home for 14 days isn't much fun.

The wait for testing without a loo available sounds dreadful! How often do you have to go through that?

I'm trying to figure out how to fill in the rest of the day when my fibro home is so cold it's unbelievable and I can't afford the heating on all the time!

Thinking of you there! 🙂🌼🐕🥀🌻🌿☔🎶💖🦢🦠🐾💮🍀

[Guest_1055]

Hey Mrs D.

I just want to really thankyou for your encouragement today on being thankful. I really needed to hear that. It opened my eyes to the fact, that I don't think I am being that thankful in my life. And I loved the way you chose to see the circumstances in your life. Does it really help to see things that way? Did you feel a shift within yourself or anything.

Any thankyou

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

I was ultra prepared for a long day of waiting to be tested, I had everything but the porta loo with me. In the ned we only had a 2 hour wait! We were so thrilled and almost had a celebratory dance in the car as we drove home again.

Just have to wait now for the test results then back again Saturday week for the last test.

Awoke this morning feeling a bit down and negative so have been thinking of all the craft and pleasant activities I can do today and will encourage myself to do them!

Yes, the diary is a reminder that I do have a lot of things to be thankful for. One section of the page suggests I write 4 positive things I will focus on. Sometimes that is a little bit of a struggle but an excellent prompt to remind me of all the opportunities I do have!

I keep my diary on the kitchen table next to the lap top. If I place it in the room I use for craft it gets forgotten!

Yes, sharing on the forum is a wonderful way to express yourself as well and you can also read what other people are thankful for.

Wishing you a peaceful day Quirky! Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Hanna,

All of S.A. is in lock down for a week. Those of us in quarantine are at home or in medi hotels for 2 weeks. We need to be tested as soon as possible, on day 5 and day 13. There are changes to that depending on when you receive the notification you need to isolate. We have one Covid test to go last Saturday in July.

If we are all clear we can return to work as both are essential workers. Who knows how long our lock down will be.

I'm working hard on trying to accept this. In a way I am thankful for a rest, I have been so mentally exhausted lately. Not having to work for two weeks will be a blessing. As a casual it will mean no money, but I am concentrating on it being a break.

I was thinking of yo and your cold home and how I believe it was you who mentioned you sit out in your car. My mind does not cope with noise some days. Our wood heater has a very loud fan that pushes out the heat. With out it we have no heat. My husband likes to have the radio or T.V. on or both. The noise sometimes does my head in.

I have considered parking the car on the driveway, it would be warm and quiet sitting in the car, so thanks for that idea! Not sure if we will be getting people around checking we are in quarantine or not, I know they have checked friends who had Covid to make sure they were at home previously. I could look a little strange sitting in my car crocheting or reading a book!

Hope you find ways to keep warm Hanna. Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hello Shell,

Yes, it has helped me to try and find the things to be thankful for in all of this. My husband has been feeling bad as he is the one who inadvertently went to a place that became a Hot Spot. He had no idea!

Last night I told him I am thankful we are in quarantine as it provides me two weeks off work. I have been becoming very stressed, anxious and depressed at work and here at home. I don't need to worry about work for 2 weeks! I have no pay but I have a legitimate reason to be at home.

Thankfully as I mentioned, my depression is not in one of its downward spirals so I do have the mental capability to look at all I have around me and consider the opportunities available right now.

I am limited by my own thoughts and ideas of what is possible.

Once again, I will acknowledge that if I was in a depressed state, I would not be feeling so enthusiastic or accepting. I totally understand where we are at mentally has so much to do with how we cope each day.

There have been days where I have not found anything to be thankful for and certainly have not had hope. Thankfully I am not in that place right now.

It is okay to try to do the best you can each day even if that means just getting up and surviving.

Dear Shell, may you find things to be thankful for today amongst all you are experiencing.

Kindest regards to you from Dools