How to move on

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief.

Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant.

Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing!

I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore.

The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer!

How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

[Guest_1055]

Oh Mrs D, it sounds like you need a nice long restful break. Is there anything you can think of that will help you there. Just something to give your thoughts a break maybe?

[Hanna3]

Hi Dools,

That all sounds stressful! You have to book about two months ahead here to see a decent GP too. It's bad in regional areas trying to get decent health care.

Things are piling up on me here too - sight problems and financial worries, the usual stuff. The lockdown is isolating and dreary. Got my second jab the other day thank goodness I am at least fully vaxxed now.

Sorry things are overwhelming for you. Trouble and more trouble! Seems to be life these days. Hang in there Mrs D we care about you here! Fluffy cuddles from little Sam to you. hugs.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools..

Thats a long time to wait to see a Dr...

I’m wondering if when you see the Dr at your next appointment if you can make some more appointments...When I have an appointment I book an appointment once a month for a few months...if I don’t need to see her at an appointment I made...I cancel it knowing that I still have an appointment the next month.,,

This was actually my Drs. idea because of the long wait times in making appointments...The last of my “pre booked appointments...I will again book 3 months in advance...

Not sure if this is possible for you to do...just wanted to share what works for me...maybe you could try the same...

Dools....Please don’t give up, reaching out for the help you need and so much deserve...

Kind thoughts lovely Dools..

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell,

This next week looks like it is going to be busy also with family gatherings, Birthdays, people here to stay, work and then more work all over the weekends.

Today I am going to do some gardening. I am wanting to wash some windows as well. Recent dust storms and light rain has caused them to become quite filthy. I am surprised how much dirt I sweep off the front verandah over winter!

I might do some of my paint by numbers this afternoon. I have put it away and forgotten about it! I can always go for a walk as well.

I'm trying to let go of my work concerns. Any issues I encounter over the weekend I will notify my supervisor about via email for Monday. At least it is all recorded that way. I don't want to snitch on other staff, but when they put my role and integrity in jeopardy, also the safety of others, I may have to become more detailed in my explanations of what happens on weekends at work.

The sun is shining so some time in the garden will be lovely if I reflect on what I manage to achieve and listen for the birds and not the trucks and dogs!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Hanna,

Thanks for the virtual hugs from yourself and Sam. Sorry to read you are struggling at the moment. Sometimes having one issue after another to deal with can be very tiring and consuming. Today I am going to try and tackle one issue at a time and break them down.

I'm not sure how you cope with huge issues like sight concern and finances. Just thinking positively does not make them go away. Happy thoughts about nice things in life will help, but the problems are still there!

I plan on doing a little weeding. My shoulders, neck and back are not good at present so I have to be mindful of that!

Hope you and Sam can enjoy some sunshine today! Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy,

Thanks for the suggestion about making Drs appointments in advance. I used to do that so can see if it is possible now. Just need to find a DR willing to assist me!

I did have a DR who said he would help me with my mental health and to schedule 2 weekly appointments. When I tried to do this with reception, she said the Dr didn't do that. She had to call him to ask him if I was telling the truth or not!

At the next appointment he had a call saying he needed to sign some papers right when I was telling him how bad my depression was and I was concerned for my safety. He walked out, after 5 minutes with out him returning, I walked out!

Next appointment, he was the on call Dr and was called away to the hospital. Fair enough, it just meant no appointment for me.

The next Dr told me she would review me every 3 months and did not want to see me in-between. If I could control my mental health issues for 3 months I would not be needing to see a Dr!

In saying all that, I need my mental health care plan reviewed by someone so will phone today and see when that can happen and by whom! It all just becomes so frustrating!

I can look after myself to a certain extent. Trying to do it alone all the time it is exhausting!

Time for some gardening and a bit of sunshine!

Cheerio and wishing you all the best, from Dools

[Doolhof]

Today I attended a medical appointment to have a mental health care plan review.

The Dr told me to fill in the usual form full of question to determine how I am managing.

The Dr placed the completed form on the desk next to her without looking at it.

Told me I was all good to go!

I asked if she had received a report from the psychologist I am now seeing. She told me she hadn't read it.

She told me to return in another 3 months for another review!

Honestly! Is that what a mental health care plan is these days? I fill in a form the Dr doesn't even look at or discuss and I am shown the door?

How much does she get paid for that?

At least it is a little better than last time. For my last appointment, I was told to fill the forms in when I returned to the waiting room and to present them to the receptionist!

Why do I waste my time trying to gain assistance for my mental health?

[Guest_1055]

Hi Mrs D,

I really don't want to be gloomy or negative or even judgemental in regards to doctors and medical people. But I am very cautious, as many are only in it for money. They really don't care about people. I worked in community nursing for a few years and saw it happening. Vulnerable patients were used for more government funding for the organisation.

This made me sad and angry at the same time.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Dools..

That is so wrong..I mean every Dr, health professional has a duty of care to their patients...I tend to agree with Shelly, that is more money today then care...I am really so very sorry this has happened to you...

I hear how defeated you are feeling about trying to get the mh care that your entitled to and deserve so very much...As hard as it feel to you right now...Please don’t ever give up on reaching out for help...It’s not fair that they are not listening to you..

I wish so much that you could receive the care that your entitled to...

Sending you my love, hugs and care beautiful Dools..

Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Dools

That sounds like a shocking appointment for you, how discourteous and disrespectful of the doctor. So she simply couldn't be bothered!

I'm wondering if this is a bulk billing doctor? If so, the problem is the government pays them peanuts so it's not worth their while to spend time with you.

This is not an excuse because I have been treated appallingly as a public patient at times.

The poor payment they get is usually the reason why we get treated this way and I wish they got paid enough to encourage them to give good care. It's lousy ethics and I'm sorry but I've come across it over and over.

It's ultimately the fault of the government not funding public health care sufficiently.

Do you still see the psychologist and get decent care?

I'm sorry as this must have been so distressing for you to be dismissed like that.

If you can I wouldn't go back.

Big hug from me! 💟