hi... i'm the black rappit *Trigger Warning*

[the_black_rabbit]

it said on the rules that i need to introduce myself to other new users, so i gess i'l do that now.

i'm the black rabbit. the name "black rabbit" was based on an a fictional character that i crated, witch is a tall cartoonish black rabbit whewing a white hoodie with the wards "no homo" on it in the same look as the subrem white hoodie

i've been drawing the black rabbit in order to express the feelings and emotions that i've been having, with is really helpful, i help get my feelings on a with confus and allway feel better aferwods.

wow... whiting this has made me feel good, i'm actchaly exited to see you'r react-shuns no this thanks for reding 🙂

(sorry for the misspellings, me automatic spelling isn't perfect)

[Aaronsis]

Hi black rabbit

Thank you so very much for your heartfelt message, I wanted to say one thing though...you have so much gratitude for me, however all I have done is listen and have provided an ear to you as well as told you some truths, the real person who has done the work so far my friend is you. You have reached out here to share that you need to chat, you have reached out here to get some support and you have identified that things in your life are not how you want them or would like them to be and this takes strength, courage and bravery, all of which you have done...YOU.

I very much am here to listen to your story and I understand it is hard to share and hard to know where to start, if it would make it easier I might share a bit of my story with you so that you can know a bit about me and also what brought me here to this community:

In July 2019 I lost my 19 year old brother, I was extremely traumatised and in shock and really did not know what to do. I am not even sure how I found myself here. I reached out in desperation to get some answers to a question that could not be answered, however, in doing that I learnt so very very much. I learnt about myself and I learnt about my family and in turn was able to do some incredible healing, I really credit the biggest part of being able to heal to this community for sharing, for supporting and for educating me.

In turn I have learnt SOOOO much since being apart of this family and I continue to each and every day. I want to be there for others and be with them on their journey as they heal too.

I have had some professional counselling and some days are still rough, but all in all I am doing much better.

I hope that this can be that same place for you too black rabbit where you can get some of the tools you need to heal and to grow and to make the days ahead brighter and hopeful, as they really are, no matter how dark and hopeless today seems there really are better days ahead.

When you are ready, when you feel you want to I am here to hear about you...it might start off as just one or two words..but we can grow from there, if you like.

I hope today can bring a smile to your face, that something even ever so small can bring you a snippet of joy.

Passing you a virtual tissue for your precious tears.

Hugs

Sarah

[the_black_rabbit]

I Sarah

I just read “help am I posting in the right place?” thread and and troma and soaside is not allowed and be in another therd, was the lest Post to triggering?

the black rabbit

[Aaronsis]

Hello black rabbit

Nothing of what you have posted is triggering for me at all. You are doing a really great job. I am so happy to hear that you are reading other posts and getting some information together before you chat further about what is troubling you.

This is your thread and you can talk about any issues that you are experiencing or things that have happened to you. If you do mention suicide or that you are having thoughts of suicide this post just may get moved to that space, but you can talk about that here, and infact that is the very way in which I lost my brother so if suicide is something you are thinking about I want to with my heart make sure you are safe and that you do know what to do if things get very bad. If at anytime you are not safe please call 000 and have an ambulance come, but that I mean if you are at a point when you think the next move for you is taking your life. Also self harm comes in to that space too and if you are hurting yourself and it becomes very dangerous please call 000.

You can talk about suicide here, just not in detail that may be triggering for others reading, so methods and plans are something that we cannot put in our threads here. BUT..you can get out that you are feeling that way and you can talk about your trauma that you have experienced, just once again we need to just keep that hard details off as there are many who read our posts and never post themselves, there are so many in the community that are feeling just like you and may read and connect with your post too, so while we want to listen and want to help you and support you, we also need to be mindful that other people may be hurt or triggered and we want a safe and warm place for everyone.

I am so sorry if suicide is something that you are battling with black rabbit, I would really like to talk to you some more about that if you want to that is. I think you are so brave to be sharing as you do, to be here talking with us and I want you to know how much we care and how much you matter.

I also want to share with you a web page that Kids HelpLine have and that may also be a really great resource for you too, they are wonderful and they are professionals, I will put the link here:

https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

They have alot of demand at the moment so waiting times are long but please be patient if you can, you matter and they may be able to help. I will put the phone number here too 1800 55 1800

Hugs as always

Sarah

[the_black_rabbit]

Hi Sarah

I’m really really sorry what happened to you’r brother, the death of someone can be really painful for other people let alone if it was sudden. I remember when my grandfather died, he was in the hospital, my Dad left him to get me, my brother and my mum to go see Him, but when we got there, he was all ready gone, I sill remember my dad being told by a nurse that he had passed, and leaning against door while crying. It’s so devastating to hear that your brother took his own life, But I’m glad you got tho with it, I hope You sill have those happy memories of him to look back on. I don’t know what i would do If that happened to my brother.

You don’t have to worry about Me Though, all I said was “I don’t want to kill myself, but I want the to die“ when i started to finish the message, I was feeling extremely guilty about what happened, I didn’t think I deserved to live, but I don’t want to commit suicide.
If ever have eny thought of wanting that I promise to say it on here.

About the trauma, i don’t if it’s trauma, I don’t how the hole trauma thing works, but every time I think about what happened, my eyes go wide, I don’t blink, I don’t want to move and all I feel is fear. that’s all in what say right now, I don’t what to think about to much.

Feeling rn, as always thanks for reading -_- zzz

hugs (thanks for the tissue earlier, Just I wanted to express I was Feeling)

p.s

did you got that reply about what happened? I don’t think I can see it right now.

[the_black_rabbit]

hi share just to clarify, i was never hart or abusd, it was just something that was done by me that i extrelmy regret, i makes me fier that there something abote me that's triable

the black rabbit

[Aaronsis]

Hey black rabbit

I am sorry for the late reply to you, I got completely snowed under yesterday with having to deal with my grandmothers fridge!

I didn't get the message about what had happened to you, or mostly what you did that you have regret and trauma from.

What I can hear though is that it is very terrifying for you in that it causes physical reactions, like your eyes becoming wide and the thoughts stop you in your tracks. Once again, if you wanted to share in summary what you went through I am here, but when you feel you want to.

Thank you so much for your kind words about my brother. I was a complete shock and I think that is the hard part, dealing with the way he passed rather than the passing itself, if that makes sense. Thank you for confirming for me that you are not thinking of taking your life, I was so very very happy to read that I really appreciate you clearing that up, also the promise that you will share here, as we are here for you.

That must have been a very sad day indeed when your grandfather passed and I cannot imagine the emotion that your father went through too. However you were all there and you all were able to see your dear grandfather and he knew he was loved. Maybe your grandfather knew he needed to go while your father went to get you all, to save you all from that actual moment of seeing him pass. Non the less as you say to me, we have many beautiful memories to cherish and that is what we need to focus on and that is what they would want us to focus on too.

I wanted to ask you if you could spend some time, if you feel like it, and write down the facts, without emotions, just the plain facts of what it was you did? Not here but in a private page somewhere...the reason I ask this is over time we smother the act or the issue with some much emotion and feeling and then thinking and feeling for others that may have been involved that we end up down a path that is so far way from what happened actually. Also we can never know what others think unless they tell us so why to we "think" that they will feel like this or "think" that they will do that....do you know what I mean?

Once you look at the act of what happened and start to ask yourself some honest questions, you might find out that what you did was not how you have viewed it all this time. That with time and emotion and overthinking and thinking on behalf of others we end up in a mess, not at the truth where we can heal.

Hugs to you my friend

Sarah

[the_black_rabbit]

Hi Sarah, welcome back 🙂

Don’t worry I’m not upset, you don’t have to apologise, sometimes things just happen.

I really like your idea of taking down notes and seeing what happened without feelings or emotions, but With facts. that would Help with taking away words from thoughts that just spiral out off control and leave room For more detail. I don’t see how bad of an idea that could be, the only problem I face is that when I try and think about it and try to Write it down I get really anxious, so to work around this, I’m thinking i should either take it easy and white the hole thing down Gradually Or write them in separate events like a list. Do you want me to post It a private forum? or should I write them down off-line?

Really hopeful of what this will do for me, thanks so much for the advice.

hugs

The black rabbit

[geoff]

Hello The black rabbit, I'm still reading your comments and the help Sarah has given you, so take your time when writing down what you want to explain to us, we're not going anywhere.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Aaronsis]

Hey black rabbit

I am so happy to hear that you are going to consider doing some writing, taking some time to just write down the facts. We don't have an offline service here but you could keep this record private, just for you or you could write down here, as long as it is not too detailed, hence why I suspect that doing this privately for you might be better. But there are some things you could share here, some facts and we can work through them and try to help you process the thoughts and the feelings around these facts in a manageable and helpful way.

One thing that I have been struggling with lately and am having some care for is that I was having some extreme panic attacks and some huge anxiety around suicide. Not me taking my life but the thoughts that my children will. I have been so immersed in the suicide space, with the loss of my brother, researching about suicide, chatting here about suicide, so it seemed I was just filling with my brain with all things suicide. I was able to work through this from a point of asking my self what I was worried about "all my family are going to die by suicide and so are my children"...then asking myself if this is true "will all the people in my family die by suicide and will my children take their life?"...the answer is no. However I was putting my feelings over this statement and my thoughts "well seeing my brother did it and so many choose to take their life well then that means that my family will and I wont be able to help them and I cannot stop them"....these are my thoughts, making up scenarios in my brain that are not true...sure there are some truths...I am not able to stop anyone from taking their life, and what a huge pressure that is for me to feel that is my role. I can be there as best I can to support the people I love, I can have conversations with them and ask them directly, I can be there if they reach out to me, but it is not my role to save lives. I have peace with this now.

I am wondering if you can write down on a piece of paper your fact, it might be ok to post here, and see if we can work you through getting rid of the story an the "they think's" as we don't know any of that or the "it is my fault that..." this might be a place to start for you.

I also want to remind you about mistakes and that we are all making them, no one on this earth is perfect and it is how we recover, how we make an effort to correct them and how we learn from them that is important.

Hugs to you

Sarah

[the_black_rabbit]

Hi Sarah.

I just wanted to ask if I can get a link to the private chat that you were talking about, I wrote a few words, and I’m going to write some more so I think this would be a good start To talk things out.
All ready it’s been a Challenge, but I’m willing to push Though it. I’ve gone so in my mental state from were I started So I’m going Back now.

thanks a tun for your support

Hugs

the black rabbit

p.s

I’ve gotten out of online learning and in to going to school again so I don’t think I’ll be as responsive as usual, I really hope this isn’t inconvenient, or damaging.

p.s.s

btw how do you put images on forums? I think it would be cool if for everyone on this to actually see James The Rabbit himself in image form 🙂