Any advice/input will be greatly appreciated

[Alone_in_Perth]

Hi...I'm 63 years old, and really need to talk with someone. For the past
~18 months or so I've been triggered to cry & sob most every day. Here are some
of the things that are triggering me: If I see someone being kind or caring
towards another person. Hearing songs/music from my past bring me to tears.
And at times I seem to break down and sob for no apparent reason at all.

The past 3 years of my life have been tumultuous in many ways. My marriage
broke down 3.5 years ago. My 35 year old son is addicted to drugs and has
developed drug induced psychosis. My 40 year old daughter & I have been
estranged these past 18 months, and 2 years ago I had to write a deposition
for the National Redress Scheme outlining the sexual abuse I received at school in the late 1960's. Writing the deposition brought
back long repressed memories & feelings of the 4 years that I was in "care".

I've had several consultations with psychologists, but found it difficult to get
beyond the language and cultural divide. I don't know anyone here in Perth, and
I go weeks, sometimes months without talking with anyone. I've gone down the
antidepressant path, but haven't been able to physically tolerate them. I've
tried many kinds, and all make me physically unwell to the
degree that I was hospitalized twice from adverse reactions.

Any advice/input will be greatly appreciated...Thank you.

[TheBigBlue]

Hi AIP,

Do you think it’s the isolation & lack of support that is contributing to this? It sounds like you don’t have anyone close you can confide in & I know how difficult things can become when you feel isolated & there is no one to turn to.

Could you join some sort of group to meet new people? You just never know where you might find a new friend. Think anything from sports, book clubs, group therapy, church group etc.

And take the time to do something you enjoy that you haven’t been able to do for a while. It may sound dumb, but just over a week ago, I sat in my deck chair in the sunshine & just enjoyed being outside, the warmth & my garden. See my thread “I just found my zen”.

Something about the sun just cheers me up. If the sun is shining, I want to out in it

[Croix]

Dear Alone in Perth~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Support Forum. It's called that as it can be a great support, particularly if you come across someone else with the same experiences. As just about everyone here has suffered hard times they will be caring and realise at leat in part your needs.

Your family sounds a mess, wiht separation, drugs and that estrangement. It is enough to make any person sad and emotional. On top of that is your isolation. No one to give you support, company and understanding, we all need that.

Perhaps the worst thing of the lot in the injury and harm done to you in care, something you have had to relive more recently. Sadly the fact it was years ago does not always make a difference.

I would suggest you see a psychiatrist who specializes in childhood abuse, however with psychologists you are saying

"but found it difficult to get
beyond the language and cultural divide"

Do you mind if I ask about that? Perhaps I'm wrong but to me it reads like you are from elswhere, a First Australian or a person from another land? My apologies if I've got it wrong.

If I'm not wrong then that might account for your isolation. Is there anyone in the place of your origin you could contact, or other others from the same land in Perth you could go see. Many have their own organizations.

As for medications, no it is not an easy path, and it took me a very long time to find one that worked but had no side effects. I got there eventually and my life is better for it.

You are not quite alone now, we are here and will care and talk with you, the only downside being responses can be slow -it is just the way it works

Croix

[monkey_magic]

Hi Alone in Perth,

It sounds like you are lonely and are craving human love,care,and interaction which I believe could be the reason for your emotions.

You also have had your fair share of traumatic experiences from what happened at school to just recently with your divorce and family problems. What your son is going through is likely to impact you and being estranged from your daughter would be heartbreaking.

No wonder you are falling apart and spilling out at the seams.

Trauma has to be worked through and it would be great if you could find a different psychologist or councillor that you click with. I had to go through several until I found the one.
Writing your deepest feelings in a journey is also a good way of purging and feeling some relief.

Unfortunately you cannot control the trauma your son is facing but can be there for him if you choose and isn't too much for you on top of you're trauma.

I don't know the circumstances behind the estrangement with your daughter and perhaps there is hope of reconnecting?

My relief is swimming laps at the local pools and reading. Is there anything you can do in life, just for you?

It's a hard set of circumstances you're in but bit by bit life can improve. We all have our bad days but it is possible to turn over a new leaf as well.

I really hope you are able to work through things, find something you enjoy doing and find a support network.

You can do this.

🙏